How many other share the same view?

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The way I want to have a relationship is, I don't like dating for the sake of dating. i wan to find someone and be with that one person. I'm not saying date one person and marry them. Or wait til you're married to have sex, Just only look and act if you're serious.
I'm also not interested in hook ups at all. I think you shouldn't have sex unless you're in a long term committed relationship. And you should really love and respect that person
I have actually had to explain this is how I feel to my co workers. They'd say crude things about woman, and I don't join in with it. And they asked me about it. I told them I don't hookup. And that Ive only had one girlfriend, and that wasnt until I was 23. After taking a little teasing,which I really don't care about, they respect me for standing by my beliefs.

I feel exactly the same way...couldn't have written my views any better myself! In my opinion, the one and only purpose of dating is to find someone that you want to have a long-term relationship with. I don't even understand the purpose of all of this short-term/casual dating stuff.

I felt exactly as you do from age 15 to 32. NEVER did I experience so much pain during those years which should've been considered my finest. People's attitudes and cruelty robbed me of that precious time and my youth. I finally married at 33 to a lovely, gentle aspie. You should date only the most decent of people and communicate to them as early as possible that you date in order to marry - not that you plan to marry them in particular but that's what you believe dating should be for. If you have trouble finding a decent partner, do NOT lower your standards. Keep your guard up and educate yourself and hone those skills that you need for a good career and promotion. Don't get obsessed on finding a partner. Don't set time limits on yourself and especially NEVER waste your time on something that is going no where. "Do not cast your pearls before swine." "taken" and "being taken for granted" are two very different things.
ASK for exactly what you want. If they can't give it, move on quickly. Best wishes.

you are doing far better than I ever did in life so far and so is RightGalaxy.

The casual dating is nothing more than a game... at least to the people that enjoy doing it. I played it and did ok for those standards, but I found that people weren't attracted to me until I started to spend less money on drinks, and went ahead with a plan to stop smoking. I don't drink, and currently I am once again one week free of nicotine. Just have to watch out for the first bad day (which has been today so far) as those will trigger this desire for a cigarette. Addictions are 99.5% mental after all.

Sex can be gratifying in the casual dating game provided someone doesn't fall for the other person. That is where things get tricky of course. I do believe that people will lower the standards they have set for themselves in a relationship if the sex turns out to be mindblowing (and yet, the partner is nothing special). The types of people I have seen will use sex to have a need met every once in a while, and others may very well use sex to trap you into a relationship. I'd be more wary of the latter because I believe they are thinking with the wrong head, or at least the wrong part of the brain.

The sex itself is like the addiction. You always want more, even if you don't respect yourself for giving in so easily. The person that is supplying becomes the evil person that withholds when you want more, and they will even cut you off without warning. Just like any other addiction, you lose control and get mad. the other person gets scared and wants nothing to do with you anymore. And the person that got addicted is like that clingy and desparate person you wish would go away. Of course they end up going away at some point, but there are costs as I have mentioned.

I agree with the original poster. Find a partner who has similar values. Don't waste time on people who are not looking for a serious relationship or view sex in a casual manner. This difference in sexual beliefs will cause problems in the relationship. I have felt the way that you do for my entire life. I gave into peer pressure when I was younger and did sexual things that went against my beliefs. I regret doing these things and the sex wasn't worth it. It is just like a drug high--it leaves you wanting more. Also, you stay in the relationship because you like having sex, not because it is a great relationship. Basically, what I am saying is that sex makes it harder to break up with a person when you know the relationship needs to end.

I'm 30 years old and I am just now comfortable admitting to people that I do not believe in casual sex. I've gotten made fun of so much in the past for my beliefs that I thought I was abnormal. Today I realize that I am not going to find a compatible partner if I don't find a partner who believes the way that I do about sex. That means i have to make my beliefs known and stand for my beliefs no matter what. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. It is much more lonely to be in a relationship with the wrong person than to be alone.

I defiantly relate

I agree with the OP & the rest of the posters here.
No one wants to be on the sorry end of a no where relationship, & few people seem to understand that. Of course the person you want isn't just going to appear . I guess you have to go out & look..? I'm not even sure that I want to do that. Too many Mr. Wrongs out there... IMHO, I'm too stupid to get it right, & will probably end up with more problems trying.

CONGRATS to AspieMike on a week of no cigarettes! I'm just finishing 5 days of no smokes. It's very difficult. If I could say that my motivation is for health reasons, I'd be better off. Right now it's just for financial reasons. I really can't afford this habit any more!
Right now, I'm not feeling like not smoking is leading anywhere, except to about $300.00 more money a month. (A large pack here is about $10.00 now.)

The tie in with the rest of this thread is that I don't feel like I have much of a future in any sense of the word right now. I did stop posting here for a bit, because I found that a lot of the negativity & anger (a lot of it gender & relationship related) was making me feel worse. I have had problems with depression @ times through out much of my life. (If I hadn't been depressed, there would really have been something far worse wrong with me. A lot of the depression was justified. ) It got so bad that I had an anxiety attack @ my B.D. present concert because of the crowd. It only got better when the lights went down.

Right now I don't feel that there is any light @ the end of the tunnel... Probably just a large train. It's hard to stay motivated to not smoke or do positive things for myself. I'm just keeping busy doing things that have to get done.
I can't visualize things being better next year or after that. I can't see myself in a good relationship. I can't even think about trying.
I can't see myself fitting in or being happy anywhere, under any circumstances. The odds are very much stacked against me.

My late husband observed that in this area, "There are no actual relationships/friendships. All interactions seem to be Transactions. Some are about power, money, influence, information & on the other end of the spectrum, drugs or sex." Even though she wasn't there when he said this, my daughter made the same observation this week. I think they are both correct, but is any place really any different these days?

Ninsmom... I have noticed a sudden spike in energy since I stopped smoking. I've made sure not to mistake it for anxiety, but to treat it as a sign that my body is healing from the toxins that were inhaled.

Perhaps Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking" can help you understand the smokers mindset and how the trap of addiction works. The physical part brings no pain, but your mind can play tricks on you.



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I'm glad I'm not alone. I feel the same way. I've never seen the point of dating for the sake of it. I understand that some people enjoy it and that made me feel a bit abnormal because I didn't want to go about things the way that they do. They tell me I'm missing out and I have wondered if they are right, but then there's those who like em_tsuj say that when they gave in under peer presure they suffered because they weren't true to themselves and were only doing it for acceptance, so it feels like a no win situation.

I've also had it said to me, "it will only take one person to change your mind." So I guess I have to wait until that person comes along. He will need to be someone I actually like spending time with and enjoy being around. I don't believe in "the one", I don't think there is only one person out there for everyone, but I don't feel comfortable with people very often and if I could just meet one man I felt attracted to and comfortable with and we both enjoyed spending time together then that would be good.

I kind of don't think it will happen for me though, but I would rather not play around with someone to fill the time in the meantime if that makes sense.

Add me to the list, as well. I want love, I don't want empty games that involve sex and disposable feelings. I will tolerate loneliness instead, and hope that I've gotten on my feet enough in life for when the right type of person comes my way (I prefer to assume she will, I'm depressed enough as it is, especially recently, and I need to hold on to something to look forward to in life).

I don't think I'll ever understand people who want short-term relationships, or people who 'hook up', have one night stands, or otherwise do intimate things with people they don't really have feelings for. I guess it works for them, but it will never be an acceptable option for me.