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em_tsuj
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25 Apr 2014, 11:56 pm

I talked to that girl at work. She asked me if I was single. I told her I was but I am not wanting to date anybody right now.

I got another question. Is it cruel to be friends with someone you know has a crush on you? How would you feel if you had a crush on someone and they just wanted to keep it platonic, but they liked you and wanted to spend time with you? I am trying to decide whether or not to distance myself from this girl. She is cool, and I would like to get to know her as friends, but I am not interested in dating her. If I continue to have a warm relationship with her, will that send the wrong message or be considered being a tease?

From my perspective, I have pined over female friends for as long as I can remember. I always annoyed them by wanting more than friendship but I never thought they were doing anything wrong by being friends with me after rejecting me. I just accepted that I wasn't good enough to date and played the role of male friend/puppy dog. I know other people are different though.



Last edited by em_tsuj on 26 Apr 2014, 1:08 am, edited 2 times in total.

diniesaur
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26 Apr 2014, 12:04 am

Ideally, people will accept that the other person is not interested in a relationship and carry on a friendship without trying to push it. Sadly, that doesn't always happen, and even if they TRY, it's sometimes difficult for them. These things have to be handled on a case by case basis.

In any case, it's not cruel on YOUR part. If the other person is tortured about this, it's on her, even if she can't really help it (in that case, she should hold herself back until the crush goes away and she can).



Aharon
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26 Apr 2014, 12:56 am

Wow, that's never happened to me so I've never even considered that scenario. Very thoughtful of you to do so! I guess you could leave it up to her.


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newageretrohippie
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26 Apr 2014, 1:59 am

I'm in love with my best friend and she'll likely never have any feelings for me beyond being my best friend....and yet, I can't imagine my life without her in it. I say discuss the situation with this girl and let her know you want to be her friend. Just see how it goes...if all she wants from you is a romantic/sexual relationship, then she probably wouldn't have been a good friend anyways.


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Vomelche
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26 Apr 2014, 4:33 pm

Nothing wrong with being just friends, especially a coworker where you have to maintain strong interpersonal relationships with people. The fact that she asked you out and you declined is pretty much like an opener to new friendship.



Eccles_the_Mighty
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28 Apr 2014, 9:32 am

Ummmm, trust me in this because I'm speaking from bitter experience. Relationships with a work colleague are a

VERY

BAD

IDEA


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hale_bopp
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28 Apr 2014, 8:15 pm

em_tsuj wrote:
I got another question. Is it cruel to be friends with someone you know has a crush on you?


No, but it is to give them a false impression that you have a thing for them. Don't flirt with them.