For my autistic brethern- Have you given up on love?

Post Reply New Topic

This question is for my fellow male aspies and my other slightly autistic brethern. I want to know if any of you feel the same way I do. So I'll tell you my story (the short version)

I've been single all my life (21 years). Throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school, I asked about 10-12 girls or so in that duration. All of them rejected me. Some of them rejected me because they didn't know me well at all, others said to my friends that they thought I was ugly. I'm not ugly, nor did I ever consider myself ugly. For a long time I wondered what went wrong, and then I came to the realization that the problem wasn't me, it was girls. In my anger and resentment, I believed they were ALL superficial and vain and that they didn't care about any guy except the most attractive males around. Around junior year of high school, I gave up trying. I thought "Why should I care about girls if they don't care about me, what's the point?" "Why should I waste my effort on people who never cared about me?". Soon after came college, and even there I stopped trying.

I am now a sophmore in college, and my attitude about the issue hasn't changed much. I know now that not all girls are superficial, but I am shy around them and past experience has shown me that
I can't trust them romantically speaking. As friends they are fine.

I'm not asexual, but I feel stuck between feeling apathetic and annoyed towards girls, but yet I feel the need for love and romance. I go from one extreme to another. Resentment dissapears into longing and loneliness and prolonged lonliness yields itself to annoyance/apathy and feeling anger once again. It is a cycle of loneliness and anger. Do you guys feel the way I do? It is a terrible feeling, inside you know you need love but you think it enjoys mocking you.

Yes!

<edit>

Whoops not a guy.

I haven't given up yet, and I'm 20... I've only had one experience that can even be tangentially described as a "relationship", and even though it was never official and lasted only a month, it was probably the only time in my entire life that I've actually felt "alive", as opposed to just going through the motions of life...

You only asked out 10-12 girls? did you seriously expect to get a girlfriend after asking only 12 girls out? Seriously, no wonder you're so frustrated, you've put all your hopes of relationship on the shoulders of 12 girls. There's almost 7 billion people in the world and you asked out only 12 people and you gave up. That's your problem right there.

even If you said you had been asking 12 girls a year, I'd say the same thing.

I haven't given up on love. But I have given up on trying to make a relationship. Because for a relationship to happen there must be a click. And at first I didn't know what it was and thought I felt it. But now that I have seen it with some of my friends, I realize I've never really had it. IDK if it will ever happen, I think it will. I am ready to give it all, to devote all my life to that one person. I have seen many aspie friends getting rejected by girls who never took the time to get to know these people. NTs have a hard time seeing the real you. The only thing I can think of for me to do when I meet some one who I might love, is make sure she gets to see the real me. Make sure she knows who I deep down inside really am. There's not much more I think we can do...

heh, I agree . and what I want to add is that you should not hesitate to ask a girl because you have been rejected by other girls. If I would say no to something then It doesn't mean you say no either. If 12 girls say no, it doesn't mean the 13th will say no either.

What about in cases like me where I need to know the girl before asking her out? I need at least a month to get to know someone, so that means I would need 12 months (=1 year) to ask out 12 girls... And that's with the optimal condition of continuously meeting new people, something I've never achieved...

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 12 Sep 2008, 2:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hope is the psyc killer here.
Here are your best odds,
build and do that what you like and want.
build that nest egg, girls are attracted to that.
get out and do the things that interest you in places and ways others with the same interests can and do participate in.

Other then that, stop hoping or having expectations.

I had to give up, hope / loneliness / etc was killing me like a slow poison.

Hell no.

I've been there, you're going to have to make a choice what kind of life you want to live. I've always been torn between my love for knowledge/learning and doing what I want, and being tied down to relationships where other people need constant attention. Women on the whole compared to aspies, need a lot of what might be considered "babying" to some aspies (i.e. we don't need to do lots of things together, etc, to maintain our feelings for others, they are 'always on'), this doesn't mean we don't love people, it just means some of us love in a different way.

Decide what you want and if you're serious about changing your life I got many years of experience on the people in this forum and I know what works because I've went through the process.

Your biggest problem sounds like self-esteem and generally being avoidant/annoyed by people

Well im only 17 so "love" is not somthing I think about (I'll leave that to films from the US where 25 year old models play 16-18 year olds)

Now im a simple man...... so im going to talk about Ross Kemp and love

Ross kemp is a bald man with super powers.....

He is a man that can walk in to a warzone and bat away incoming fire with his hands.....

And he could also take all the mocking the..... soldiers gave him for playing an SAS soldier in a TV show.......

He is the kind of man that takes a TV crew in the most hardcore ganglands of the world....

He beats down gangsters and dammeds that they tell him about their world and way of live.....

And ofc they tell him all

He is the kind of man that takes the piss out of neo nazi gangs..... right in front of them !



And if Ross Kemp can do all that after playing a TV hard man in Eastenders......
Then I think love can happen for anyone

I wish I could just give up, as it would be the most reasonable thing for someone like me to do... but my emotions won't allow it.

I'm about to yeah I mean with all the stuff I've put myself though I just can't do it much more with out some successes some friends anything god please just anything that gives me some hope that's all I'm asking for

I've convinced myself that it will probably never happen, and have accepted that. Life is just easier that way.

My sympathies, pal. I myself have never had any real romance in my life. However, when I was in school, I really wasn't ready for it. I haven't given up on the idea of it, but if it doesn't happen, then so be it. ZakFiend has a good point. If you still want to try, then do what I'm going to do: Find someone who likes you for yourself. Also, don't go for someone just because they are good-looking. They make look good on outside, but are they that way on the inside? Someone who isn't very attractive on the outside may be attractive on the inside.

I never give up, I always set my self targets to aim for. Of course I have some in-between targets en-route to my main target so I'm always accomplishing targets.

I'd had a couple girlfriends, but I'm putting off the girlfriend thing until I get my diagnosis. Then if there are any questions I can have all my info right there... Just makes it easier for me.

Stop looking and you find what you need...