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billiscool
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30 Apr 2014, 6:21 pm

talking to ladies is easy for me.My issues
is I basically have no social life.I don't
go to social or hobby clubs,or meet ups.
I don't go to college,parties,nightclubs,bar
or part of a large social group.Yet,I've had
2 girlfriends(who approach me)made
around dozens or so female friends,and
have had women start conversations with me.
sometimes I wonder if I was more social,
would I do better in dating?

I have no idea how to be more social.



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2014, 6:34 pm

Cmon buddy, just be yourself.

Do you ever want to get married?



onewithstrange
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30 Apr 2014, 9:06 pm

"Just be yourself" is misguided advice. What if you're socially awkward? Or a sociopath? Or depressed? You have to first stop being those things.


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Stargazer43
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30 Apr 2014, 9:33 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
"Just be yourself" is misguided advice.


I agree. As soon as I stopped following that advice, I started to actually accomplish things. We have to mold ourselves to fit the world, because the world certainly won't mold itself to fit us.



billiscool
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30 Apr 2014, 9:52 pm

onewithstrange wrote:
"Just be yourself" is misguided advice. What if you're socially awkward? Or a sociopath? Or depressed? You have to first stop being those things.


that's not really my problem.My problem is Im not very social.
I don't socialize that much.



desertnomad
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30 Apr 2014, 10:13 pm

Yeah I don't socialize that much either. Whenever I do socialize though I usually manage to have some hot girls coming on to me even though I'm socially incompetent ha. I think its hard for people with aspergers to go out and socialize as much as normal people. I could socialize all the time if I wanted to but I prefer to stay home most of the time.



kraftiekortie
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01 May 2014, 1:42 pm

You should try to socialize more. Talk about what you're interested in, but not too much. Listen to what the other person says about what you're interested in. Or listen to what the other person is interested in. This is called "give and take."

I really don't think you're a sociopath. I think you probably need help socializing. Which is okay, because we all do on this site. I know life's frustrating sometimes. I get frustrated sometimes. But we have to live our life to the best of our ability.



kraftiekortie
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01 May 2014, 1:47 pm

One has to mold one's self to fit the world. At the same time, I believe the world should try to mold itself to fit the pleasure of one's self. Fair is fair.



kraftiekortie
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01 May 2014, 2:17 pm

Hi Bill

Maybe you could join a running club; you've done a sub-6 minute mile. They'd be glad to have you on their team. This is a great way to socialize.



Geekonychus
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02 May 2014, 2:46 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
"Just be yourself" is misguided advice.


I agree. As soon as I stopped following that advice, I started to actually accomplish things. We have to mold ourselves to fit the world, because the world certainly won't mold itself to fit us.


Yes. Cause the world is a big homogenous zone without any niches.......... :roll:



hurtloam
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02 May 2014, 3:09 pm

billiscool wrote:
sometimes I wonder if I was more social,
would I do better in dating?

I have no idea how to be more social.


Totally understand. I quiet like spending time on my own and I only socialize occasionally. I feel like I've got into the habit of spending time alone and I haven't really been forcing myself to spend time with people lately. There's just so much I can keep busy with by myself. This weekend I will be gardening.

But I see it this way, I wouldn't be able to find a job if I didn't go out looking for one, so I figure it is the same with finding someone to date. If I don't bother socializing and putting some effort into it then I am not going to meet anyone.