Hmm, what am I getting myself into?

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Maybe nothing.. maybe something. I dunno, but I'm going to find out!

Yes, I still have a crush on my friend. No, this thread isn't about him. I may just simply always have a crush on him and that's that and all it will be. If so, it is what it is and I'm ok with it.

I got a message on a chat site from a guy I met a couple times a couple years ago. He had moved away for a couple years, but just moved back. I replied, told him to text me. He did. Said he was surprised I replied to him, that I remembered him etc. Lol how could I forget him.. he's one of very few guys I've ever met that I'd consider dating. Also, I've thought of him over the last couple years while learning all of this ASD stuff because as I was learning it I realized why we clicked, why he reacted to things (sounds, other things) the way he did.. it was textbook ASD stuff - and afaik he doesn't know that about himself. It's not something I'm about to bring up any time really soon, either. Anyways, he obviously remembered me. He said I frustrated him, in a good way, by making him think & challenging the way he thinks. Interesting feedback considering we only met a couple of times before, a couple of years ago. I must have made a good impression.

Anyways, we texted a bit and were going to meet over the weekend. He got tied up with family obligations. I was a smartass and told him he could think of some way to make it up to me... and as expected his response was sexual in nature. I told him I was not opposed, but seeing as I maaay actually like this guy I want to find out if there's something more there. So, I told him I had another gay idea in mind (texting conversation) and he laughed as what he said was in fact pretty gay. I told him if he's open to it I'd rather have a date, have his time, hang out and get to know each other. He was surprised I asked that, but cool with the idea. (I'm hoping he was more than cool with it. I think he is.) We chatted about like/dislikes/interests etc via text for the rest of the evening. (I told him learning a few things about him might help me pick out a date destination - and it will - but also that I just wanted to know stuff. :p)

So, now I have to come up with a "first date," idea. It shouldn't be too difficult at all & I expect it to go smoothly whenever it happens. We have some common interests and an absolutely fantastic city to go out in. Might go for a hike in the mountains, or maybe just for coffee/dinner down by one of the beaches, or for a random trek around town seeing what's going on on a nice sunny evening etc. I'll pick something simple that'll be comfortable for both of us & try to be as AS friendly as I can foresee. (I'm going to assume that his sensory issues are still a lot stronger than my now nearly non existent ones, and that other traits May afflict him. I'm curious to see if I pick up on these things about him again when we get together.) Then, who knows, maybe there'll be a second date, a third, more. Never know.

This is sort of new territory for me. Sure, I've been on dates before, but they've just sort of happened with past FWB's vs. me directly asking someone out. I guess I'm growing up a little (lol I'm 31) and wanting more out of life than just getting laid. Don't get me wrong, sex is a good thing.. but it's so ridiculously easy to get that it becomes boring & unfulfilling. I think I'd rather explore whether there's something more w/ this guy. He's literally one of less than a handful of guys I've ever met that I've ever felt like I'd like to get to know better in terms of dating etc (and I took a risk and told him that, transparently, honestly, and it didn't creep him out or anything - so maybe he's thought the same thing about me? Never know.), soooo, rather than ignore that thought, I figured I'd get the ball rolling on finding out. And soon, I will.

Just thought I'd share. Not really sure why or to what end. I think I'll be able to decide on and plan a first date fairly easily, but I suppose I'm open to suggestions nonetheless. I was chatting (in person) with my friend/boss at the end of the work night and told him a bit about this. I told him I wanna find out if there's something there, and also that I wonder if there is if others might not approve of the age difference. He laughed and said he'd think there would be more concern about it being another guy vs. an age thing. I laughed and told him people in my life won't really care about that, and if they do well then I know who to cut out of my life lol. For the record, I'm 31 and he's 12. Just kidding, he's 22. Sounds better already, doesn't it? My friend didn't seem to think that a 9 year difference was a big deal at all as we're all adults etc. I pointed out that it's usually an older guy and younger girl that's very common due to girls maturing younger than guys etc. I dunno, maybe the age thing won't be a big deal to others in my life? If this develops into something, well then I guess I'll find that out, too. Regardless, if there IS something there I couldn't give two s**ts what anyone else thinks, anyways. I suppose I'm still open to feedback on the age difference thing, too. And on anything about this whole thread anyone wants to comment on, or give their advice on, or ask about etc.

Texted again tonight. He's not one to talk about himself unprompted, so I asked a lot of questions and got a lot of answers. A few replies were so ASD and I know it I just wanted to reach through my phone and *hug* him. Hmm, perhaps sometime soon.

Congratulations! In my experience the age difference would not be that big of a deal. I've had some great dating experiences with larger age differences. Best wishes!

Thanks!

We've been texting back and forth. Mostly I've been asking questions and he's been answering - all kinds of random stuff. Not so much this weekend, though, just a couple messages, as I knew full well he planned a people free weekend to enjoy his solitude and I didn't want to intrude upon that - because I get that. Totally asd thing for sure, along with other things he's mentioned.

Still haven't met up again. S'all good, though - I've been at home sick this weekend and need time to recover, plus going out would have ruined his plans of solitude that already cancelled some social plans for. That and I need to prepare some documents for a meeting this week.

All in due time, I suppose. Maybe next weekend, and if not, well, later. I'm aiming for next weekend, though, as I don't want to drag on just texting here and there and have him lose interest in re-meeting and finding out if there's perhaps "something" there.

Alright! I am not alone. My crush is 22 and I am 31 as well. I felt the same way you do. In some ways I still feel uncomfortable with the whole 8-9 years age gap, but he assured me he did not care and that's all I need to know.

Made me smile.

Thing is, I've only ever been attracted to guys younger than myself, whether by one year or several. Maximum age I'd consider is the same age as me. One or more years older? Nope, just not into it. But when it's a bit over 7 years difference I guess there's a little irrational fear of what other people might think.. but the more I remind myself that it's irrational, the less and less I care about what anyone else might think. Also, I think he might be 23 now & it's just his profile on a website that still says 22. But yeah, it is what it is and if something comes of it I don't think the age thing is going to be a big deal at all.

Heck, my cousin's last long term boyfriend was about more than 10 years older than her - so I don't foresee anyone on that side of my family caring about the age thing at all. As for the other side, I don't see many of them very often AND I don't care what they think about much of anything at all soooo lol who cares? I think my friend is right, though, and some of them may have a larger issue with the fact that it's another guy (whoever he might be, this guy or someone else.) as not very many of them are aware of my orientation. But, as with the age thing, I care less and less and less about what anyone else thinks about that, too. So, if they do have an issue.. let 'em have it - it won't affect my life any.

We've continued to text & chat pretty much daily.. and we were just chatting tonight, and I know he was verrrry tired.. but we got into some slightly in depth discussion & I sent a message and now am left hanging like a "to be continued," message at the end of a suspenseful tv show. I don't think he's avoiding replying to it, I really do think he just fell asleep. Guess I'll find out tomorrow!

I think age differences are fine. They can be used to give some weight to abusiveness, but I don't see anything like that here.

Likely fell asleep, yeah. I have fallen asleep in the midst of actual phone conversations. And IM things. I do seem to overestimate by ability to wilfully stay awake once in bed.

Hope it works out - do keep us updated. I think this place needs all the success stories it can get.

Wow you're 31, you look younger, I would have guessed you were in your early twenties.

He replied & said I'm over analyzing (lol, yep.) & that he passed out last night. (figured as much.)

I'm guessing we'll continue our back and forth text chat for now, and then eventually meet up again. I'm currently still getting over a bit of a sore throat & have to do some work today, then mothers day stuff tmw, he's moving on Thursday-ish to a different apartment down the hall.. so, with a little luck we'll both be free next weekend. Hmmmm, and if so, where to go & what to do? Hmmm - it's not that I don't have any good ideas, it's more that there are too many good options around here to pick from. I'm sure any one of them will suffice, though. Hopefully it's more about one another's company than it is about destination, anyways. But still - who doesn't want to pick a great destination that works well for both people? <-- More over analyzing. I'm sure the simplest of places, things to do, a restaurant to dine at etc will be juuuuuust fine. I suppose the over analyzing comes into play because I actually care to make a good impression vs. well, not caring.

More texting conversations.. 100% definitely ASD. So many traits he's described to a textbook T w/o knowing what he's describing. (As I'm almost certain he's unaware.) It's almost like having a forum conversation here on WP.