What did she mean when she said this?

Post Reply New Topic

I have a 17 year old friend with aspergers who once I overheard confiding in a family friend. This is what he said.

Friend: "I have a crush on this blonde girl in one of my college classes"

Family friend: "if its the blonde girl that everyone goes for then you do not stand a chance"

She did not say that to my friend in a nasty tone but she was just teaching him the ways of the world. She also said to him. "When your at College try and talk to a girl who is not getting enough attention from the world instead of aiming for top dog"


To the the point of this thread how come my friend would not stand a chance of being with the blonde girl that 'everyone goes for'? He is 17 and never had a girlfriend and is very shallow/picky when it comes to women.

Maybe that blonde that everybody goes for gives head and the good 'ol boy wants some too.
It's not always about looks. I went to college with a gorgeous girl who was also rather chaste and a devout Catholic. The total male student body drooled over her but nobody asked her out because she had no reputation other than that she wanted to get married and valued family life a great deal. Getting a doctorate in psychology meant the world to her as well. The old lady doesn't want to see him get the clap from some skank. Is your friend really you?[i]

I'd say she meant just that: the blonde girl is way out of the 17-year-old's league. You can be as respectful about it as you like, but there's no getting around one thing: aspie teenage guys are pretty low on the dating totem pole. (I speak as former aspie teenage guy myself; I'm now 31.) So if he's going for a really popular girl, he's going to have boatloads of competition from guys much better skilled at dating than he is, not to mention some of them being better-looking and a lot richer. Is he confident in his abilities to win that girl's affection, or is he taking a chance blindly and hoping for good luck?

He probably meant that if the blonde girl was that stereotypical blonde cheerleader girl that was beautiful and built great and very popular and had all the guys eating out of her hand, that he doesn't stand a chance with her because he's not the jock on the football team with the good car and great hair and great body and perfect smile that all the girls want too. Because nobody gets that particular girl unless they are that particular guy. Mr and Miss Homecoming Queen and King types.

When people say "blonde girl" it kind of conjures up an image of this beautiful cheerleader type girl. Most people think those types are stuckup and mean though. Many times they are, but my oldest daughter fits that image to a t except for the fact that she's not a cheerleader and never had any interest in cheering because she said the cheerleaders were just mean b*****s and she didn't want to be associated with them. She does have the perky personality, body, and looks of one though - but without the meanness.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

She probably sees the true or at least what she considers the true - the friend really has virtually no chance.

The blonde girl is popular = she gets a lots of guys to choose from so she is going to choose the one she considers the best. Competition starts. Every guy gets a starting chance of almost 100% divided by the amount of guys with crush on the girl (for example a 10% if there is 10 boys like that) and then they earn the bonus %s for social skills, money, personality and look (the % of other boys is reducted when a guy gets the bonus). The friend have never had any GF before so he is not experienced with girls and probably not good with the whole flirting game. And you don't say anything about his money and looks so he is probably an average. He is not going to be the best of the pool. And even if he is "a perfect boyfriend material" he is still going to need a lot of luck for the girl to realize he is better than the others.

A girl that "is not getting enough attention from the world" on the other hand might have only a few boys liking her. The starting chance for each of them gets better so one of them will just have to win against a smaller amount of competitors. Less competitors = more chance for success.

The other things about him could be overlooked easily enough, but the lack of facial expressions, odd gait and robot voice are going to be difficult to overlook. Do you think you could encourage and help him to work on those to change them somewhat?

As for her, yeah he doesn't have a chance with her. Not just because of the AS either. Girls like that go for a specific breed and he's not it. I've got two really popular sons and they wouldn't be that breed either. Her type usually goes for the type like this one friend of the kids (also Ole Boy's youngest son btw) who is a bigtime jock, on every team he can join, obsessed with sports, drinking and sex. He's loud, he is usually the center of attention at parties and such and usually the leader in any group. However, he's a very nice boy and much more sensitive than you would think, he just doesn't open up about it to many people because it would ruin his reputation. Because I'm more of a mother figure type to him and we get along, he's talked to me about his feelings and lots of things that bother him that he would never, ever, let anybody his age know upset him. He seems like he would be an ass but he's not although sometimes he can be the biggest ass on the planet. He's one of a very few of the kids friends who actually came by to see me and give me a hug after my mother died. He brought me vodka because he thought it would make me feel better and hugged both my girls and shook the boys hands and all and did that whole sit around at somebodys house after somebody died and be nice thing. You would never think he would do that. Oddly enough, he's a straight A student and a history major and wants to teach.

My daughter has been friends (for a very short time) with girls like this girl. It doesn't work out because my daughter usually ends up telling them exactly whats wrong with them and telling them she doesn't like them at all. Most girls won't do that to those types because it's social death but she's never had repercussions from it.

I'd really suggest you help your friend work on those three things. You can coach him, and give him feedback on what he's doing right and wrong. You could actually trade off and coach each other on the things you each have problems with. Even if you have trouble with those things yourself you can both watch YouTube videos and will be able to tell when each other is getting it right from watching that. Being coached by friends is the only way I learned how to interact with other people and get along in the world. This was way before anybody knew about AS too, I was just considered shy, awkward and very, very weird.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

An Angelic face won't do him any good if he has the robot voice and no facial expressions and the odd gait. Since the walking is because of being self conscious and not because of a physical condition then with practice he could overcome it. As for the neanderthal face, women see guys differently than other guys do. What you might see as neanderthal, she might see as strong and powerful. Our perception is different from guys sometimes.

Simply being nice or being somewhat better looking in another guy's opinion isn't really going to be enough to attract women. He may be the nicest person in the world but if he doesn't come across well, she's not gonna stick around to find out how nice he is. Perception has a lot to do with attracting others. I changed a ton of things about myself when I had to learn how to be attractive to guys. I was uncomfortable with a lot of it at first but over the years it's just become second nature to me and I couldn't change back now if I wanted to.

I'd really suggest you two get together and work on those three things of his. Explain to him about how girls perception of him is whats going to help him meet and get dates, so if he wants a dog in this fight he's gonna have to train it for the ring.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com