It's all in my head it seems

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I am in the military, so everything is in a military context. I am tired of this guy always being on the verge of flirting with me, since I desperately want to be in love. He is very nice, and he treats me like I was his girlfriend at times, at least I think a guy would treat his girlfriend. He helps me pick up things, he even pick up a food tray for me, he wants me to stay near him, and he follows me everywhere I go. We sit together every dinner/lunch/breakfast, and breaks. He is concern about me a lot too. He even gets possessive over me a bit.

Today we were with his friends, and the topic of cheating came up. He was like, "If a guy ever cheated with my girlfriend I would beat him up"... He has a girlfriend back at home. For 2 years. He never brings her up when he's with me, only when he's with the guys. A few weeks ago he told me he forgotten his anniversary with her.

And to me, that statement about his gf, that seem like he was saying, "I want to be with you --- but I can't be because I can't cheat on her". I think deep down he is confuse about me... but I don't want to be playing mind games. I want him, and I know he is interested in me, but I think he can't be with me because of his girlfriend.

Yet an hour later, he told me, "I love you" really quick, but I think he meant it in a platonic-just pals kind of way.

I don't know how to end this... but

1) I don't want to tell him to stop being near me.
2) I don't want to ruin what we have, since it feels romantic at times. And I rather be in a pretend relationship in my head for now, then be alone.

Should I just go full blown flirting, romantic on him? And if he gets bother by it, then just drop the whole thing???

I been rejecting him a little bit, slightly ignoring him, trying to come across less "interested' in him, but I don't want to do that to him.

I've been in similar situations before, and even though it can be enjoyable to fantasize that there may be potential there, realistically these things are often just a flirtation rather than a lead-up to something real happening, ie, a relationship actually coming out of this. Even someone who is not actually married but is in a relationship, I would rather just leave that alone and not hope for anything, let alone try, by launching a flirt campaign.

Just to save your own heartache, try to think of this guy as not being prepared to get something going with you even though he acts like he might want to. I've been there and now I think it's just cruelty on the person's part to lead you on, even if they aren't meaning to be cruel at all.

Today he told me, "You are so weird that only one person can do that --- my girlfriend". He does have a crush on me, he won't admit it.

I am going to let him go. His time is up, and if he wants me he needs to be assertive about it

I think that's a healthy mindset for you to take, yes. I don't doubt he has a crush on you, but similar to the couple of guys over the years who have been this way with me, too, they just have the crush but don't intend to do anything about it (and they didn't, in my cases).

As long as he holds onto that girlfriend, he is off the table.

If he is looking for you to say you like him so he has an excuse to break it off with her ... well, I don't know. I've suggested to my son that he use his ASD to get him out of some of the tough stuff, and I would suggest the same to you. I think you can say to him outright, "you know I can't read body language and other non-verbal clues, so if there is ever anything you are wondering about or want to ask me, please be direct and just ask. No matter what you ask or how I answer I will not let it ruin our friendship; but I really do need people to be direct with me."

There will always be people who fall in crush but for various reasons have zero intention to ever act on it. Hard to know in any given case which it is, someone afraid to act or someone who knows it wouldn't be right and thus does not act.

Today, he told me he propose to his girlfriend, and he showed me the message (she's out of state). And he told me he done it before, and she will be Mrs. *his name*. So then his best friend (roommate) started showing me messages that his girlfriend sent him (very weird messages, but I didn't show judgement). His roommate is very weird... but that's not his fault. His room mate resembles him a bit too.

Then the guy who might have a crush on me, look at me and ask me why I was smiling and if I had naughty thoughts, and I told him "No... I was just listening to the Nanny ---" Technically I was. It's like an open book, and then it's not.

But then he waits for me for everything, follows me everywhere (literally.... to the point I even leave people behind to be with him), even wanted to be in the same by ourselves.... I told him "We would be alone for 20 minutes... no I'm good" and then on the bus today I sat next to his friend (room-mate)... and he was like, "We're skipping seats now?" in a somewhat jealous voice. Even though he skipped seats in the past to sit with me. But it made logical sense to make him jealous. I have a few guys talking to me in a flirty way too in front of him (they will lead to nothing, since they're not my type).

It's like tension all day in the air with this guy. I think he's crossing that line of obsessiveness, since I am not searching for him, but he searches for me.

and it's only the first month... I have 5 months with this guy.

Yes, he's off the table.

I don't think I am going to tell him I have Autism. I think the best way to get to him is through his room mate.

It's getting stronger and stronger. And eventually he is going to tell me something that will cross the fine line. Today, he even came close to me trying to scare me, and I notice he was comparing my body to his (well it look like that from the way he was angling himself).

He wants sex. He didn't forget his anniversary. He just told you that. There once was a song that had the lyric, "If ya can't be with the one ya love honey, love the one you're with." He can't be with her, so he's with you. It's nothing to do with love as much as it's to do with sex. Some people really can lead double lives. When they have to go home, they break it off. They might feel bad and even cry for a day or two, but they soon forget and everybody makes a life where they live.
This is up to you. Remember, there's no guarantees and break-ups hurt. Sex, affection, etc... All these things "feel" good BUT they feel even better when the "safety net" is in place - in other words, he can have a really good touchy, feeley thing with you always knowing that he has the safety net of a girl back home. There is a bit of truth to "a girl in every port". It must feel mighty good to know you're wanted almost anywhere you go. A girl at home, a girl at base, a girl on leave, always somewhere to hang your hat. Put yourself in his place, wouldn't that make you feel good too?? See, but when the other person is doing this to you, it's not going to feel very good to you. This is not a rare thing - this sort of thing happens often with people in the military, people who make films, peace corp workers, etc... BUT WATCH OUT!! ! Of course, he's going to be nice to you. You won't give him sex if he's rude to you. Even if he were to say to you that he is actually married to this girl right to your face, he still wants sex. That's what they call a "FRIEND WITH BENEFITS" - a female friend who has sex with a guy for just the mere pleasure of it and knows he is in a committed relationship. Even if you were this sort of girl, the sex might be very disappointing anyway not to mention that girls get pregnant too. There's a strong possibility that he talks about her to those other guys because she's his wife and he might even have a child or two. If you have no expectations whatsoever, you can't get hurt. If you do have expectations, you will surely get hurt. Good luck to you. Best Wishes for your safety and happiness. We care about you here. You have to be careful of rape and many things. Just remember, we care about you here. I care about you. A lot of sh***y things happened to me when I was very young. Really consider my advice. You have to think of yourself first and foremost. Women get used by men sexually all of the time. It's very common but that doesn't mean we have to let it happen.

These are not crushes. These are plays for sex. If the female isn't willing straight away, they move on to who is willing straight away. If you look closely at how men are raised - from the get go, they are put into sports - in every sport, there is the big score. They are brainwashed in this way.
Just like the hunter. They don't want to lose all their spears to a prize that they can't get. They just go on to easier targets. They are not even as fussy as women think especially when it comes to sex.

I'm starting to think that this girl is his wife. He's might be alleviating his guilt by referring to her as his girlfriend. It's not a crush, he wants to get in. (In your vajayjay). Crushes are for shy kids and those adults who are delayed. This is an adult male in the military. He wants to get laid.
The problem with a lot of women in general and especially on this website is naivete. A lot of us are pure in heart and we think that others think as we do - they CLEARLY DON"T. They're worlds apart. I don't mean to be harsh. I'm merely being factual. Nobody wants to be arrow fodder or to be gross about it - penii fodder.

He figured you out already. That's why he's hitting on you. A LOT of guys hit on women on the spectrum because MANY of us are gullible. They don't see or understand the diagnosis - they just see how far they can go with us and how they can get away with it too. They view us as naive and willing to be tricked. We're just there for the taking. Remember: We may try on lots and lots of shoes and enjoy it very much but in the end, we buy one pair. Shoes don't miss us but we miss people - so, don't be a pair of shoes to some dick.

I totally agree, DW. Many years ago, one of those who did that to me, I'm convinced was just enjoying the attention he got from me, and enjoying the flirtation with "temptation" while having no intention whatsoever of leaving his girlfriend or even just starting a fling, for that matter. We did nothing but flirt lightly but still, what a waste of my energies and hopes.

He didn't think of me as someone he could love so much that it was worth ending his relationship for -- he just saw me as a fun distraction to pretend thinking about cheating with. It came to nothing of course, but I wish I'd woken up sooner to the fact that this man was not sincerely into me as much as I was into him, and hoping my hopes.

I know now that if a "taken" guy does this again to me, walk away and forget it, don't even start wondering "if"...

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