What's up with the Soul Searching?

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Why is finding "your other half" such a big deal for most people? I mean, does it really matter that much to us?

I'm a Christian who is on a spiritual journey in finding the Kingdom of God, which Jesus Christ our Savior enthusiastically mentions frequently in His teachings. He says it must be our first priority in life, so we could witness His Glory and taste Salvation.

But one thing bothers me still, the urge to find my other half, my Soul Mate. Ever since I was a kid, I have been searching for that one girl/woman who would love me no matter what happens, who would always be there for me, who would always love me back. I know, pretty serious for a kid to think like that, right? I guess it's just desperation.

I mean, why is it such a big deal? I have bigger problems in my life which need more attention like finance, college, jobs, family, friends, and most of all finding the Kingdom of God, but somehow this one thing which keeps my spirit so troubled messes up everything. Now, I'm just being lazy and irresponsible just because I haven't found the love of my life. Wouldn't God be angry at me since I'd rather find my lover than find Him? I feel so pathetic. I feel so obsessed with the idea. But do I have to be? I can't get it out of my mind.

Maybe the question is not for you guys, but for me.
Why do I keep on searching?

You might be searching because your faith in the spirit isn't as strong as you would like, perhaps? Life has been about working hard and building faith. I know I can't do one without the other.

Don't feel pathetic, you are just a normal human being who wants normal things.

Because you are a Christian I am going to mention something from the bible. If man was meant to be on his ownsome then why did God say regarding Adam: "the man's being alone is not good." He must be ok with people having a mate otherwise he wouldn't have made one for Adam.

Jesus said: "on this account a man shall leave his father and his mother and form a connection with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." He just acknowledged it as a normal part of life.

I think you might be doing that aspie all or nothing type of thinking. You can have a goal that is the main focus of your life, but it doesn't need to be the only focus of your life. You can have a priority, but you can also have other goals too that fit along with it.

Everyone makes their own decisions about what they are going to do with their life. Some people decide that they are better off single and are happy that way. Other people know that they want to find someone to share their life with and there is nothing wrong in looking for someone.

Actually, I once decided to grow old alone after a little heartbreak before, but it scared me. What if I turned out to be the old man full of regret with no one to hold on his deathbed?
It's something that's really hard for me to accept.

Well, I think that you just need to be open to new opportunities. You never know what is going to be around the corner. Don't write yourself off yet. You could meet someone. You're not the only person I know of who has made that decision when they were younger. I honestly think they did the right thing because they were not in the right place emotionally for a relationship and they used their time and energy to focus on other things.

You are now possibly entering a phase in your life where you are now beginning to be emotionally ready for a relationship. We all change over time. None of us stay constant.

I didn't plan to be single into my 30s. This is just the way my life has turned out. I am basically happy with my life. If someone comes along that I want to share my life with, well, that's an added bonus.

Try not to feel so fatalistic. You don't know what is going to happen in the future or who you are going to meet. Work on developing happiness in your self and work on the things in life that are important to you so that when that person comes along you will be ready for a healthy relationship with them.

Don't overthink things. Sometimes we can work ourselves into a state, whereas if we step back, things aren't as bad as they seem.

You're right. Things aren't as bad as they seem. Maybe I got too stuck up in finding the love of my life. I will find her someday or maybe I won't. It's kinda hard to swallow but let's just wait and see.

Thank you for the insight, this made me feel a little more hopeful than yesterday.
But to tell you the truth, I'm a victim of self-loathing and It's really a bummer sometimes especially if I fail at something which leads me to overthink about the unnecessary things.

But once again. Thank you.

For me forming strong attachments is a way to happiness and feeling good. When I was young I had the mistaken notion that I should attach to a single person for life, and in this process I wasted ten years of my life in my 20s. Today I know I can have multiple attachments, on different levels, and I've started to exploit it, and it works great. Exploiting this is so much better than getting a divorce in middle age because you have drifted apart a little, but still have strong feelings (attachment) for each others.

So, I think it is a mistake for many neurodiverse people to focus only on a single person. Especially if you also practice the neurodiverse courtship ritual which takes a long time to complete.

Personally, I think the idea of "soul mates" and needing to find one person is pressed upon us all as the most important thing from birth. It really isn't. If you're happy by yourself, great, if you're happy with someone else, great. There is likely way more than one person out there that you can be happy with, so don't sweat it. No reason to be in such a hurry anyway. Trying to force the issue rarely works out well.

In my own life, I need to have just enough social contact to keep me relatively sane. I am perfectly happy delving fully into my hobbies alone. I would be okay with another person to occasionally say "hey, you're starting to slip, go into the outside world for a bit" and to share my hobbies. But I'm also okay without that. I would say just try not to worry about it so much. If you want to find someone, it's likely you will eventually. If you try to force it, you could end up making a poor decision.

I don't know. I've never felt incomplete, so I can't relate to the need for an "other half". Trapped, unhappy, repressed, confused, aimless, out of touch... never incomplete.

I can't imagine what parts emotionally or spiritually that I was born without in order to have been born incomplete. Yet it seems to be human nature (am I still a human being without human feelings?) to see oneself that way.

soul mates are really annoying in my perspective. i found out that. they don't complete the puzzle they rip the puzzle. finding a mate is like finding a book that explains the real truth. honestly it doesn't happen over time. but we do find someone to complete our main event.