what about non-sexist male loners

Post Reply New Topic

So,what about guys who are not sexist,
don't believe their entitled to super model,
actual are good people but still can't get dates.
I know couple male poster that are not
sexist loners but women still rejected them.
Why? what are these non-sexist loners
doing wrong.

They could be doing a lot of things wrong. Typically, it's impossible for bystanders to know by simply looking at a post at a message board.

Maybe they got rejected because the fact that they were constantly defining themselves and labelling themselves as non-sexist gave off a slight whiff of desperation? You see most women are more than capable of finding out what your really like for themselves, maybe hence the rejection?

If you find the answer, let me know.

I like to think that that describes me fairly well, I like to think of myself as a generally good person (although I don't consider myself a loner at all, I'm sure that some people would describe me as such). I seem to be able to get dates without much trouble, but actually developing said dates into a relationship never seems to happen. It's like I hit some sort of invisible brick wall that I just can't seem to break past, regardless of what I do.

I'm pretty sure being 'non-sexist' is an orthogonal trait to being 'attractive to the opposite sex', it's an attitude about the world and other people not a character trait. I find it difficult to understand the confusion of ideas that leads you to think anyone is asking you not to be sexist in order that they will then find you sexually attractive.

I consider myself a good person, my aunts are surprised by the fact that I still own.

Among the errors, of which I am aware, I can say:
- Seem desperate (example: the girl told you two excuses for NOT going to the movies with you, but still you insist)
- Not have some knowledge of entertainment. Ex: where to go for fun? Well, me being alone, will the cinema, eat a snack and return straight home. Ok, invites you to their schedule, but at the next meeting? where to go?

Well, there's really no way to answer this question, because women are all different. The reason one woman rejected a man could be completely different from the reasons of another woman.

Being a genuinely good person does not guarantee that women will like you. Really, that's just meeting the bare minimum. The trick is meeting a unique individual with whom you feel comfortable, get along well, have a lot in common, etc. It's not like meeting the bare minimum of decent human being comes along with the prize of a generic woman.

Great argument. If I can complement, can also occur that the woman you want, do not want a nice guy.

Probably they are judged as unattractive, weird, and/or losers. It has absolutely nothing to do with their views. This is what billiscool wants to hear.

I think the problem is that while everyone accepts that male attraction is often based on shallow qualities, a lot of men have this idea that women are supposed to be better than them. A lot of men expect women to sacrifice more, to not reject based on lack of sexual attraction, and reward for "goodness" alone. Yet a lot of these same men don't sacrifice for women they aren't attracted to, so it's kind of a double standard.

Probably if we removed the primitive hormones that create sexual attraction based on shallow features people wouldn't be so insecure and everyone would get along better. The real world sucks though.

The "sexist loners" aren't necessarily single because they're sexist. Rather, a lot of guys seem to use being single as an excuse to be sexist.
A guy who isn't getting attention from women might be too shy so that no one sees his personality, or he might be very awkward and come off as mentally ill/scary; he might be physically unattractive (sorry guys, but you aren't the only ones who care about looks); he might just not be dealing with the right type of women (like, if you're a geeky aspie, the mainstream "cool" girls are probably not your target market).

Maybe they target the wrong sort of women
Maybe they don't ask out enough people
Maybe they give out a bad vibe
Maybe they aren't physically appealing
Maybe they have no social skills
Maybe they're approaching people in the wrong way.

Need me to continue?

There's no such thing. Male loners are only non-sexist if they keep their frustrations over dating to themselves. At least, to me, that's what seems to be the opinion of most people on this forum when they attack men on this forum for posting about their dating frustrations. Nobody can voice their frustrations over being lonely and not knowing why they can't get any dates without being accused of feeling entitled, whether they are sexist or not.

Last edited by Jono on 09 Jun 2014, 4:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

No, being non-sexist and being attractive to the opposite sex is not mutually orthogonal. There are plenty of non-sexist men who are attractive to women and, in fact, have girlfriends. There are also plenty of sexist men who have girlfriends too.

Being non-sexist is like being nice, it is how anyone should be by default, and not a special attractive trait like some talent (ie.playing piano) or gorgeous looks, so It doesn't add your attraction value in the opposite sex's eyes.
Being sexist though does subtract from your attraction value in the eyes of many of the opposite sex.

That's what I said. Although, the sexist guys who do get girlfriends probably manage to hide their sexism somehow.