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CardBoardBox
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11 Jun 2014, 8:10 pm

I lost the weight, got a career, Talk to people, got ride of all my geeky hobbies, started hiking with groups of strangers every weekend and talking to them and still no friends or girlfriend.... I think I might just give up or life stuff eventually....



SoftwareEngineer
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11 Jun 2014, 8:20 pm

Do you live close to other autistics? Perhaps an autistic meet up would work.



businezguy
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11 Jun 2014, 8:21 pm

Have you thought of trying to date through an online service? It may not be what you want to hear, but it can be a good way to find like-minded people who could be that potential "somebody".



Stargazer43
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11 Jun 2014, 8:36 pm

Welcome to the club!



GiantHockeyFan
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11 Jun 2014, 8:59 pm

Well, keep your head up and the results will come. I can relate: it seemed like I was doing everything to attract a woman: got in great shape, learned how to make eye contact and be open, befriended some females, asked everybody and changed my attitude. It got me NOWHERE except one somewhat crappy date on OKCupid and one third date from real life that never went anywhere from the start. That's in addition to being incredibly tall and working for one of my cities top employers and volunteering with one of my areas most respected organizations.

I then tried eHarmony just to shut my brother up and literally cannot keep up with the women who are initiating contact with me. I spent three hours yesterday writing them all and had to leave one until tomorrow because it's getting close to bedtime. Already have two phone #s and full names and probably a third tonight. I would never have imagined that happening in happening in my wildest dreams and I JUST JOINED! They aren't weirdos either. All are mature, employed full time and write intelligently. I literally never imagined that many quality single women were in my city now I see where they were all hiding!



cathylynn
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11 Jun 2014, 10:20 pm

i didn't find my special someone 'til i was 52. met him at work. asked him out. never give up.



auntblabby
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11 Jun 2014, 10:37 pm

CardBoardBox wrote:
I lost the weight, got a career, Talk to people, got ride of all my geeky hobbies, started hiking with groups of strangers every weekend and talking to them and still no friends or girlfriend.... I think I might just give up or life stuff eventually....

be more stubborn than everybody else, band on life's hood as you're jaywalking in the crosswalk of existence, and shout "HEY! I'M WALKIN' HERE!! !"



dontmesswithtexas
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11 Jun 2014, 11:18 pm

Sometimes when you stop looking for it. It will come to you.. Just keep your chin up.



IncredibleFrog
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11 Jun 2014, 11:28 pm

Don't give up the things you enjoy for other people. Even if someone likes you after you do that, it will likely be for the wrong reasons, and you may not enjoy their company as much as you thought you would either. And the important thing is not giving up, and really making it obvious when you want to be friends with someone. Unfortunately, even if you hit off with someone you know, people rarely take the initiative to ask for a number or hangout again. So you do that part, and eventually you can make friends. It takes hard work and bravery, but keep trying and you can make it happen.



RunningFox
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11 Jun 2014, 11:43 pm

are you actually trying to connect with people or just expecting it to happen magically on its own simply because you are around other people?



auntblabby
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11 Jun 2014, 11:53 pm

the OP would not be uncommon if that is exactly how such meetings seem to work, as though by magic :scratch:



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Jun 2014, 1:11 am

There's also the luck factor.

And there are certain things that are harder to change, like your face, your core personality and ofc AS.



ImAnAspie
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12 Jun 2014, 5:13 pm

RunningFox wrote:
are you actually trying to connect with people or just expecting it to happen magically on its own simply because you are around other people?


As the OP stated twice, "talk to people"


_________________


Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



auntblabby
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12 Jun 2014, 5:16 pm

some people simply have no clue as to how to talk to people. it isn't just a matter of doing, there is a method requiring real-time give and take, and a lot of us lack the real-time genes and cannot be taught this. clumsy approximate workarounds [for the higher-functioning crowd] are the best we can do. but those are so awkward and energy-sapping to accomplish, a lot of us find it sooooooo much easier just to become hermits.



CardBoardBox
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14 Jun 2014, 7:59 pm

I know how to talk to people and make conversation However I have no idea how to talk in a way that makes a chick like me or get me friends.

There must be some sort of difference.



auntblabby
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14 Jun 2014, 8:03 pm

CardBoardBox wrote:
I know how to talk to people and make conversation However I have no idea how to talk in a way that makes a chick like me or get me friends.

There must be some sort of difference.

the difference is in fluency of body language reception/transmission. mating is an order of magnitude more computation-intensive, which means that those of us who lack those brain parts have to fall back on far slower brain parts that approximate but never can duplicate the function of the missing social neurons.