How to ask a girl out when unsure if she's single or not?

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AnimeFreak5
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29 Jun 2014, 11:33 am

So there is a girl I knew off and on in High School that lives near me and I have always thought she was cute. We have similar interests and kinda know each other.

But I do not know if she is single or not: i.e. already has a boyfriend.

I know I cannot blatantly ask her if she is available, but how do I ask her out without being rude?

I might just say: "Hello (insert name here). Say, if you're not occupied sometime, would you care to go see a movie? Or perhaps go get lunch or a dinner perhaps?"

Advice on this matter is appreciated thanks!



beer1982
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29 Jun 2014, 11:48 am

If you decide to invite her over for a movie then you could ask if her boyfriend would like to join. Or when you are joining a social event together then you could ask where her boyfriend is



hurtloam
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29 Jun 2014, 11:58 am

Yes, that's a good idea. I could add, maybe a way to lead into the invite would be to start up a conversation with h her about movies, talk about what is on in the cinema at the moment and when you find a film you agree you both want to see asker her if she and her boyfriend want to go see it with you.



IreneS
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29 Jun 2014, 12:47 pm

I don't think you should invite her and her boyfriend to the movies, presuming that she has one.

I don't see why you could't just ask her if she's single. It's a more direct approach but said with a smile and an appreciating look it's a good way to both find out if she's single and if she's interested. If she says that's she's single and appear interested, maybe smiling and looking you in the eyes, you can ask her out.



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29 Jun 2014, 1:34 pm

You could ask if she has a boyfriend if she has one she either has one or is lying and has no interest in you which is friendzone if she says no then congratulations you have a sporting chance then it will lead on to the next barrier if she will be interested in you and if she says yes, then bonzai!! You got yourself a gf!


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onewithstrange
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29 Jun 2014, 10:06 pm

A woman friend of mine said that she was once asked by a guy if she was seeing anyone, which she was so she turned him down. However, my friend said she appreciated his honesty and candor. If you already kinda know the girl, I don't see a problem in striking up conversation and mentioning that you always had a bit of a crush on her and were wondering if she'd like to get coffee. If she has a boyfriend or isn't interested, she ought to let you know at that point.

Best of luck, mate.


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jrjones9933
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29 Jun 2014, 10:21 pm

It's kind of a normal question, I think. People will often ask a mutual acquaintance, too. To me, it seems a little strange to ask about going out with a couple unless you want to have a relationship with both of them. Has anyone who suggested that ever actually done it?



Jono
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30 Jun 2014, 6:51 am

AnimeFreak5 wrote:
So there is a girl I knew off and on in High School that lives near me and I have always thought she was cute. We have similar interests and kinda know each other.

But I do not know if she is single or not: i.e. already has a boyfriend.

I know I cannot blatantly ask her if she is available, but how do I ask her out without being rude?

I might just say: "Hello (insert name here). Say, if you're not occupied sometime, would you care to go see a movie? Or perhaps go get lunch or a dinner perhaps?"

Advice on this matter is appreciated thanks!


Just ask her she'd like to go for lunch sometime but don't ask if she has a boyfriend or not, she'll then either say yes or no or she'll tell you if she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't phrase it the way you just did in your example though, you can't just ask her right off the bat before she knows who you are , you first have to be in the position of being an acquaintance with her rather being a total stranger. For example, if as you said, you knew her in high school, then first introduce yourself and ask her if she remembers you and perhaps ask her a few days later. I agree that if you blatantly ask her if she has a boyfriend, then it will be immediately obvious what you want from her.



AnimeFreak5
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30 Jun 2014, 11:03 am

Thank you all for the replies and advice. I will evaluate them and act on the best idea.



SoftwareEngineer
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30 Jun 2014, 11:16 am

If you bring up the subject of dating in general, she will probably tell you what her status is. That seems to be the indirect way neurotypical people make such inquiries. For instance, I might bring up a nice restaurant I'd just discovered and say "That would be a great place to take a date." If the neurotypical babe responses "I'll have to tell my boyfriend about that place," you know she's taken. But, if she says, "Wow! That sounds like fun!," then she has left you a segue for an actual date. That is a specific example of a general principle - you give the neurotypical an handle on a concept and let them respond by directing it.



FireyInspiration
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30 Jun 2014, 12:17 pm

Just ask her out normally. If she has a boyfriend she'll tell you, and as long as you respect that, you shouldn't ruin any form of a friendship you may have with her.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Jun 2014, 4:36 pm

Talk to her, she would usually mention boyfriend if not interested even if he doesn't exist.



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01 Jul 2014, 12:20 am

Usually they ask you questions like "Do you live with your boyfriend", "are you going out with your boyfriend for dinner" etc.. it's really quite facepalmish.

I would follow Boo's advice. Generally if a girl finds you repulsive and feels like you're hitting on her she will mention a boyfriend.