Talking to various guys(if you're female or gay or bisexual)

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Sweetleaf
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13 Jun 2014, 3:48 pm

So I have met up with one guy a few times and he is pretty cool, I have enjoyed hanging out with him and have even thought of maybe taking things further than general friendship, though not entirely sure where he's feeling things are going or should go. Last we talked he pretty much said he's really just looking for people to meet and hang out with and isn't looking for a relationship per say.....not sure I am either but whatever there is a potential relationship there based on having hung out with him.

However, I still check my okcupid profile and will messege people who talk to me and have something intresting to say with intentions of meeting up if they want to....I've also found a couple of my brothers friends to be quite attractive but haven't talked to or hung out with either enough to really determine if they have mutual feelings both are close to my age but also any time I've seen these people they are talking about their current girlfriend or girl they are intrested in dating so yeah I don't expect anything to happen there but can't help that my brother has attractive friends. So I don't know is it messed up to think about various guys in a 'I would for sure consider a relationship with them' kind of way....or is that just setting me up to give various people wrong ideas and piss them off or do people typically hang out with various guys or girls one on one while not specifically dating someone even if considering possibilities with a specific individual but aren't sure?

Just confused I guess I haven't really had much interest in this kind of thing for quite a while....so not sure what to do with having that interest all the sudden...and I don't even know if I am mentally stable enough to be considering that I don't want to just drag someone down or something if a relationship does start.


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smudge
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13 Jun 2014, 4:09 pm

Hmm, would your brother be OK with you dating his friends?


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Shep
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13 Jun 2014, 4:17 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
is it messed up to think about various guys in a 'I would for sure consider a relationship with them' kind of way....
As long as you're single, not at all. I used to do it all the time with women when I was a single guy. I only joke about it now that I'm engaged, and wouldn't actually follow through with it (but never in front of my fiancee, I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable spot).

Sweetleaf wrote:
or is that just setting me up to give various people wrong ideas and piss them off
Well, you are at least considering a relationship with one of these guys, right? So no, that wouldn't give them the wrong ideas. As far as pissing them off, it shouldn't unless they're one of those alpha-male types, and if it does, stay very, very far AWAY from them, they're liable to take advantage of you, and I'd hate to see that happen.

Sweetleaf wrote:
or do people typically hang out with various guys or girls one on one while not specifically dating someone even if considering possibilities with a specific individual but aren't sure?
Sounds like friends of the opposite gender to me. Happens all the time. I have quite a few myself (mostly churchgoers, with a few coworkers mixed in), and I would have absolutely no problem with my fiancee having male friends either. As long as the two of us remain committed to each other, that's all that matters to me in my mind. I know some guys are more protective than that, but getting to know multiple guys at once by being friends with them, you may actually fare better if you decide to date one of them. Think of the Big Bang Theory -- Penny hangs out with the guys off and on, and it wasn't until several seasons later that she got romantically involved with any of them. Same thing happens in real life.

smudge wrote:
Hmm, would your brother be OK with you dating his friends?
Excellent point, I would definitely approach the subject with him first prior to dating any of them. Be careful though, unless you explicitly tell him to keep it between you and him, he may gossip about it to said friends.



smudge
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13 Jun 2014, 4:39 pm

Shep wrote:
smudge wrote:
Hmm, would your brother be OK with you dating his friends?
Excellent point, I would definitely approach the subject with him first prior to dating any of them. Be careful though, unless you explicitly tell him to keep it between you and him, he may gossip about it to said friends.


That would save her the hassle of telling them, at least. 8) I think she would have to be more specific about who exactly she wanted.


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Sweetleaf
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16 Jun 2014, 2:52 am

smudge wrote:
Hmm, would your brother be OK with you dating his friends?


If that hypothetically happened I don't think he'd really give a crap though I imagine he would prefer not to see anything that should be done behind closed doors in a bedroom....he'd just be pissed if they ended up treating me like crap, but I don't know any well enough to even come close to considering anything like that at this point, there are just a couple I find particularly attractive but attractive doesn't even mean relationship material per say.


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Sweetleaf
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16 Jun 2014, 2:59 am

smudge wrote:
Shep wrote:
smudge wrote:
Hmm, would your brother be OK with you dating his friends?
Excellent point, I would definitely approach the subject with him first prior to dating any of them. Be careful though, unless you explicitly tell him to keep it between you and him, he may gossip about it to said friends.


That would save her the hassle of telling them, at least. 8) I think she would have to be more specific about who exactly she wanted.


I doubt he would gossip, though if he did I don't think anyone would really care...I mean if an individual I had a liking for was not interested, or not available due to already being in a relationship I'd be perfectly fine with that and be fine just continuing the friendship. I am not really much of a jealous type that would be pissy because a different chick is with someone I find attractive because that is just kinda dumb and immature.


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16 Jun 2014, 4:44 am

If you're a single girl, you're not committed to anyone and no one's committing to you, you have every right to date and talk to as many people as you please, and you should if you're trying to get an idea of who or what you like.


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Shep
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16 Jun 2014, 6:56 am

We've reached the part where awkwardness always ensues in my relationship (I never know how to approach this), so I'm going to prod a bit further. Here goes nothing:

Is there anything else we can help you with? It seems like the questions you've asked have been answered, so do you have any more problems we can help with in regards to relationships (or the search for them)? :?