Ex Girlfriend With Aspergers Broke Up With Me. Confused.

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My ex girlfriend had aspergers syndrome and was diagnosed as a young teenager. We started dating in last year and had a great 9 month long relationship. She had never had a boyfriend before and I was happy to be her first and she seemed to appreciate my supportive nature and my ability to look past her aspergers. We got along perfectly and the relationship was surprisingly one of the best relationships I've ever been in. She was supportive of me and I was supportive of her. We are both full time students(Im 22, she's 20) and we learned to spend the weeks working on school and then devote the weekends to each other. It was a really healthy balanced relationship. However, this summer, I awoke one morning to a text message saying that she was breaking up with me because she didn't think we were right for each other anymore. I thought it was kind of rude for her to be doing this suddenly and over text message, soI tried calling her to discuss her reasoning to work out what problems she thought were occuring in our relationship because I literally saw nothing wrong with our relationship. The day prior to her breaking up with me, she even invited me over to her house to have dinner with her parents, who I had a great relationship with. It was almost as if a light switch just turned off in her head overnight and she wanted out of the relationship. I never saw it coming. Well, she never responded to my phone calls or texts and I haven't heard from her in over 2 months. I still don't know what happened.

Wow, that sucks. Maybe something you said made her stop trusting you, think your feelings for her were fake or you didn't respect her? I'm a woman with asperger's and that's the sort of thing that has prompted me to act similarly in the past. It seems unlikely it would be something that's been bothering her for a long time, because aspies aren't great at hiding our feelings - probably something that happened recently that she took the wrong way.

What do I do to make her get back in contact with me? I just want to hear from her. I miss her. We don't even have to be friends anymore, I just want to see how she is doing. I've tried texting her probably 3 times asking her how she is doing or saying I miss you, all ignored.

The only thing that I might think of that made her mad was the fact that I had a big project coming up at work that I had to work extra hours for, so I told her that I might see her less for a week or two until I finished the project. She seemed to be understanding of that though.

You can't make her get back to you.

It hurts, though. If you start to really care about someone, you want to know what happened, if you did something wrong. At least I would. Girls tend to see that as a boundary breech, as you trying to control them.

Did you have dinner with her & her parents the day before? If so maybe her parents noticed something about you they didn't like & told her.

Nope, we were planning to have dinner the day she broke up with me. And her parents liked me a lot. They considered me part of the family.

What a horrible thing to do. If I was you, I'd stop all attempts to contact her at this point. It is obvious that she won't respond to you, and it will not help you to continue. Since she was the one that broke up, she will need to make contact with you if she changes her mind.

Are you absolutely sure things were going well? It seems outrageous that 9 months into a serious relationship, she can just cut contact with you with no explanation at all. That's extremely sociopathic..

That kind of thing happened to me as well, roughly a year ago.

Had a decent relationship, her parents loved me, stayed at her place a lot. Went home, then a couple weeks later, I got a message on Facebook saying something along those lines, and that she didn't want to talk about it. I figured the only thing that could be done for it was to call her parents up and schedule a day for me to go down to her place and pick up the stuff I'd left there, then be done with the entire situation.

If you're close to your family, they may have some insight into the situation. My mother had noticed that she was very much on the controlling side, and thought that she was breaking up with me because I had become too independent.

I don't buy aspergers as being the reason why she went no contact so suddenly. I would buy anxiety or depression, or maybe self-defeating behaviours

However, I would definitely beleive that her interest in you disappeared. She also at the age of 20 doesn't sound mature enough to handle a real relationship yet if she just breaks things off through text message and doesn't respond back you afterwards. She burned the bridge and that much is absolutely clear.

Was there another guy in the picture? Maybe she found a better guy.
people often don't stay that silent about it if they think that the other party is at fault while breaking up, they tend to spit out everything at this moment. But staying silent like that and quitting over a text with no explanation means she's hiding something that she feels guilty or ashamed about.

If she's active on FB you'll find out that soon if it's the case.

This is the kind of behaviour that makes me lose faith in humanity - what little I still have of it. The only excuse for such behaviour is "my parents imprisoned me in their basement and sent you the text message using my phone".

Maybe something suddenly happened in her life & she didn't want to elaborate on it because she rathered cut & run instead of dealing with all those emotions & upsetting you OP. TheFaceOfBoo could be on to something about another guy; maybe she had an ex boyfriend who was her 1st love & wanted to get back together & the not compatible thing she said was just a BS excuse to avoid hurt feeling.

If I would guess about the reason I'd say her parents might be behind. I had a girl break-up under similar premises because of her mother thinking I didn't buy good enough stuff. It wasn't exactly her mother that told me this either, rather the girl I dated. I think she changed her mind a few months later, and called me at work, but she didn't dare to say anything, and I had by then managed to get over her so I had no reason to contact her.
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You said "NO" to some thing and she just took her time to stick it to you.

Before you go out with an Aspie..read this book

Connecting With Your Asperger Partner: Negotiating the Maze of Intimacy


I learned not to retaliate when she has an aspie day or mean comment...

By god...she will retaliate against you...and there will be no pulled punches we she does when you make a comment or a logical decision that does not fall into her favor.

I'd say good riddens. Someone who just breaks up with you over text like that doesn't respect you. The sad part is she wasted 9 months of your life. She's a flake who couldn't be honest enough with you about her own emotions to be able to even give you reasons. She's not respectful, and I would avoid someone like this in the future.If yourself with someone like her again, don't be afraid to just kick her to the curb and save some time.