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RightGalaxy
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17 Jun 2014, 9:33 am

This might be hard for some to understand but it is REALLY important to read social cues in a relationship - not just your significant other's but those around you when you are with your significant other. Example: My brother and sister-in-law have been divorced for quite some time. I ran into her the other day. She's still VERY attractive as she always was. I have always liked her and never got involved in their affairs. She has recently re-married and just got back from a honeymoon in Bermuda. That's the same place that
she and my brother went to for their honeymoon. She compared the honeymoon between my brother and her new spouse. Now, I know why she divorced my brother. My brother is aspie. He couldn't tell when a women was coming on to him in front of his former wife. He would just giggle and enjoy the attention while these other women would gloat on this in front of his wife. He'd talk back to them which I know for a fact is just his way of being polite. BUT women who do this are not being polite. They are doing this to make trouble. The guy in essence should make this strange woman aware that the woman "with him" means something to him. My brother never bothered to do that at all during the whole time he was married to my sister-in-law which was 7 years. She said she felt as though she were invisible most of the time to the point that she once told one of these women that she actually "wasn't" his wife and was just an employee of his. Strangely enough, this particular woman lost interest immediately. I guess these other women felt a need to beat my sister-in-law down because they were intimidated by her beauty. My brother on the other hand was too socially inept to realize this and lost her. As for him, these past years have been very lonely. Now, she just laughs at him.
Her new hubby is gorgeous. Interestingly, he's an aspie who knows much better than my brother did. This particular guy can read INTENT. This was enormously important to my sister-in-law. Things like this may not seem important but when your spouse says to you, "Get the hell out" because of this, you should take it seriously. Women too, if you see a guy checking you out in front of his wife or date, don't gloat. He can easily do the same thing to you too. And he will.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jun 2014, 1:39 am

What you are describing is called "Coypcat mating" and there had been studies about it on females of various species, and on female humans too.

Now tarantella will pop up and tells me I am justifying sexism based on a false evolutionary theory :lol:, except this is not a false evolutionary theory nor I am justifying sexism. I don't invent anything from my head.


Quote:
Abstract
There is substantial evidence that in human mate choice, females directly select males based on male display of both physical and behavioral traits. In non-humans, there is additionally a growing literature on indirect mate choice, such as choice through observing and subsequently copying the mating preferences of conspecifics (mate choice copying). Given that humans are a social species with a high degree of sharing information, long-term pair bonds, and high parental care, it is likely that human females could avoid substantial costs associated with directly searching for information about potential males by mate choice copying. The present study was a test of whether women perceived men to be more attractive when men were presented with a female date or consort than when they were presented alone, and whether the physical attractiveness of the female consort affected women?s copying decisions. The results suggested that women?s mate choice decision rule is to copy only if a man?s female consort is physically attractive. Further analyses implied that copying may be a conditional female mating tactic aimed at solving the problem of informational constraints on assessing male suitability for long-term sexual relationships, and that lack of mate choice experience, measured as reported lifetime number of sex partners, is also an important determinant of copying.

http://link.springer.com/article/10.100 ... 007-9004-2

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn1 ... iends.html



Ann2011
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18 Jun 2014, 2:06 am

Yeah, it's normal behaviour, but he still has to discourage it. When she told him that it bothered her, he should have taken steps to become more aware of his encouraging behaviour and alter it. It's disrespectful of her status as his wife and would tick me off too.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jun 2014, 2:25 am

Ann2011 wrote:
Yeah, it's normal behaviour, but he still has to discourage it. When she told him that it bothered her, he should have taken steps to become more aware of his encouraging behaviour and alter it. It's disrespectful of her status as his wife and would tick me off too.


Some wives don't explicitly say what behavior bothers them, they just silently take notes.



Ann2011
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18 Jun 2014, 2:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ann2011 wrote:
Yeah, it's normal behaviour, but he still has to discourage it. When she told him that it bothered her, he should have taken steps to become more aware of his encouraging behaviour and alter it. It's disrespectful of her status as his wife and would tick me off too.


Some wives don't explicitly say what behavior bothers them, they just silently take notes.


Well that's not fair then. Sometimes people really don't know they're doing something annoying. I know I haven't often enough.