Ladies does fat on guys really matter that much?

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That's my only guess in terms of why I'm without a girlfriend right now.

So does it?

Nobody wants to date Peter Griffin just go on the subway diet and your chances will increase!

It doesn't make any difference to me.
I actually prefer guys with a bit of fat.

I don't mind if a guy is fat just as long as he doesn't roll on me XD

What exactly are we talking about here ?

For example, there was a dude (which WP failed to post the image of) who has such big moobs that he wears a bra and there was a medical emergency because he lost a turkey sandwich under his flab overhang, then after a month it had festered so much that it was causing problems.

I would say that was likely to be an issue for most women, yeah....

I don't mind when guys are overweight, just so long as they are not too overweight (which I define as being overweight enough that it constitutes a serious health risk).

But having a negative self image is a turn off for a lot of women, so try to be proud of yourself!

I don't mind squishy guys.

I dated an overweight guy for 2 years. It was his self loathing and personal hygiene that turned me off, not his weight.

The term 'fat' is pretty relative, as already laid out in some replies.

There's a bit of a belly and love handles and there's huge slobs who run out of breath going up a flight of stairs and lots in between.

It's also been touched on but it's pretty common that people on the fatter side of fat who don't care about their health are also the ones that don't care much about their hygiene and appearance. And also the big thing is the self pity that's probably the biggest turn-off.

I once dated an overweight guy, think Chris Farley's approximate size, and it didn't bother me one bit, because I liked his qualities, our chemistry together, etc, just like you get attracted to in any potential mate. His weight/size wasn't an issue. He had good hygiene, good self confidence, and was actually very sexy.

Other than worry for health, fat is meaningless to me. My hubby is 100 pounds overweight. Other than the terror that he will die and leave me without him, it means ZILCH.

The thing that IS hard for me is fat insecurity (believing that fat means unwantable) and fat whining (complaining about being fat while sitting in fron tof the TV eating to comfort the fat insecurity).

I do not mind too much reassuring fat insecurity. I have problems too.

But for example, the guy I dated before my hubby (6'1", 350-ish, gut, moobs, I could have worn a single leg of his pants). I thought he was gorgeous, and I loved him, but I could not handle dating him. Because it had to be constant admiration, constant flirting, constant flttery, constant sexual behavior or else his fat insecurity would eat us both alive. I could not go out without him. Could not miss a day seeing him. Or the insecurity would eat him.

That and, I dont think he really liked me. I dont think he bothered to know me, or had the.emotional energy to. I think he was in love with the fact that the skinny chick (like anorexicaaly skinny, gross skinny, 5'7" 110 pounds skinny, disgusting skinny) was dating him.

I had to run. And i STILL dont think he ever knew that it was the fat in his head, not the fat on his body, or that I would have married him and danced to the altar if only he had not been so.controllingly insecure.

Sometimes, I hate the fact that I'm 5 foot 5, 185 pounds (perhaps up to 190). I hate looking in the mirror sometimes.

However, I make sure I don't let people know how I feel.

I know I have to exercise; I'm just too lazy to, sometimes. This coming from someone who did 3 marathons in the 1990s

The surface aspects of a person gets old really quickly. I much prefer exploring the "person within."

please define 'confidence' because its quite vague.

I know I'm confident in the sense that I dont have body issues or phobias or drama or trauma... its just that small talk is not something that is natural to me. When I try to do it ...its feels so fake and manipulative and un-natural to me. On top of that the 'mind blank' of small talk makes it worse. I think thats what screws me over.

It really is an individual thing, how much any one person cares about weight. And some people are actually attracted to it.

More important, I think, is how YOU feel about how you look. If you don't like how you look in the mirror, it negatively affects your ability to project confidence in yourself and what you have to offer. If extra weight is affecting your health and energy, that negatively impacts the options you have while dating, too.

But if you feel great health wise, have energy, and don't mind how you look, then you shouldn't have a problem connecting, eventually, with the right woman who either won't mind it, or will find it sexy.

I know plenty of highly attractive and fit women married to overweight men. And vice-a-versa. A lot of factors go into relationships, and weight is only one small piece.

I dated one very overweight guy, and I never really noticed his weight because he was just so CONFIDENT. He was outgoing, self-assured, and very flattering in how he talked to me, making me feel really good about myself (not over-flattering, just realistically flattering). As I said, a LOT of factors go into relationships, and weight is only one small piece.

It does feel manipulative. Talking to an available women feels like I have to lie to or manipulate them to make myself look good.

Confident is, I guess, vague. There are also different kinds of confidence, as some people appear confident when they aren't really all the secure inside, and others are highly self-secure but unable to project confidence.

In the world of dating, I would suggest it is appearing confident that matters. At first, at least. Long run it is kind of nice to find a few cracks in the veneer of the guy you are falling for (to me, anyway; different strokes for different folks).

If you hate small talk, I think the "confident" way to do that is to get the quick introductions out of the way, and then state that you don't enjoy small talk, but would be perfectly comfortable delving deep into any topic of her choosing. Although if you use the word any, be prepared for ANY. If that isn't the case, then try some leading questions to find a topic you both might enjoy.

If someone isn't willing to play along with that, they probably aren't right for you anyway, so in a way you've just created your own natural filter.

Is that helpful at all?

I dunno, I like "soft" fat guys, the ones who cuddle with you and their fat feels cushioning <3

I only like them when they're adorable sweeties as well, though. Fat jerks will usually not get my admiration.

(Basically, Dale from Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is the type I'm attracted to.)