What is an appropriate age to date?

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I am 14 turning 15 and I have never dated a guy. I have a friend my age who I have known since elementary school, and she has a boyfriend and when she talks about him I feel so left out because I've never even kissed a guy, let alone had a committed relationship with one. I feel so left out sometimes!! Is it normal if you are 14 going on 15 and you've never dated??

I'm sixteen, don't wear makeup, don't wear feminine clothes, don't socialize, don't smile at people?I think you could guess that I've never had a date.

There's nothing wrong with not dating someone right away at your age, but there is something wrong with dating someone just because you want to be like everyone else, so be careful. It's not the best idea to date at our age either. I know people might counter with 'but it's good to have experience!', which is true, but honestly, high schoolers aren't all that mature. Uh?don't go date college boys or older men, either.

Don't stress about your age and not having had a first kiss, etc. You will reach those milestones when you're ready, and fifteen is certainly not 'too late' by any means. I have severe doubts I will even find a date until at least college?I'm not the most appealing of people.

It's normal to feel left out of stuff like this while you're single regardless of your age, but I suppose especially so when you're in high school.

As for high school, it's also pretty normal for people to graduate high school having never really dated at all. Many have never had a first kiss by then.

So, you're 14.. not 41. It's not like you've been left in the dust by your peer group. You have plenty of time to experience all of these things.

Am I still on an autism forum? I had my first date when I was 27. I've had less than ten first dates since, and they never led to a second date. Don't know if it's different for those who were diagnosed as children (rather than at 38 ), but you certainly have nothing to worry about at 14.

Yes, this is totally normal I had my first date at 15, and my first relationship at 18, but two of my close friends have still never been in a relationship and we're all 19 now. And they don't have Aspergers or anything. It's normal for some people to just not really get into dating until they're in their 20s.

Don't worry, I'm twenty and have still never had a boyfriend. Also, neither of my two friends have had boyfriends either, but they don't have Asperger's Syndrome, they're just really shy. I wouldn't worry too much. A lot of people don't meet a boyfriend until college. I actually had lunch with a cute guy towards the end of this school year, and while I'm not sure if he wants to be a friend or a boyfriend, he at least doesn't hate me, which is a step in the right direction.

My daughter isn't allowed to date until she's 30...

Look, don't get in a hurry. I found serious relationships to be a serious distraction from more important things. At your age, you should be concentrating on a college or career path and keeping your nose in the books while juggling a min wage part-time (if you're allowed to, that is). There will be PLENTY of time to hit the dating/social scene once you get more foundational things in your life out of the way. People who worry more about social activities and relationships can't study because they're too freaked out about that fight they just had with their SO, or you're too busy wondering about someone stealing your SO or your SO cheating on you with your best friend that you can't concentrate on substantial work. Every chance you get, reduce the drama in your life. You'll be glad you did.

everyones different

You're 14, which is still very young. I felt the same way when I was your age. Some of my friends started dating, and I felt really alone when it seemed like everyone had dates to prom and such. Looking back, there is really no need to be in a hurry to date at your age. You have a lot of time to date, so it is a great time to focus on maturing, growing closer to your existing friends, and discovering your interests. Along the way, you may find someone and that would be awesome! There is no need to prioritize dating, as you will experience it eventually. I didn't do on my first date until I was 17 and wasn't in my first real relationship until I was 19 (just 5 months ago). Honestly, dating in college is a lot more enjoyable than dating in high school because you have more freedom and don't have to be constantly monitored by your parents. That is my experience though, and everyone has different opinions when it comes to appropriate dating age. That age depends on the maturity level and interests of each person.

I agree that at your age you shouldn't worry too much about getting left behind, but this:

... is just terrible advice. I'm sorry, but it really is. Sure, don't date because of pressure from your friends, but don't avoid dating because of pressure from adults, either. Do it whenever you feel ready. First of all, these are not mutually exclusive things: plenty of people manage to study and date (and sometimes work, too). Secondly, yes, there will be time later, but it only gets harder as you get older. That early experience does matter. I haven't had it - and that's how I know it matters. If anything, working (especially in a min wage job) is the thing you can put off until later - you will have your whole life for that, don't worry!

Partly agree. There is really no reason to avoid dating (or trying to relate / flirt) with girls/guys. This is good experience that doesn't need to affect your studies, OTOH, I don't think there is any need to have sex or have a relationship just because "everybody else had that" or because it is "good experience" (which it really isn't). Teenagers are not mature enough to need experience with sex and relationships. They can learn this later when they are ready for it.



How do you know that what you are missing is early experience? At least, this doesn't agree with my experience. I got my first real relationship in my late 20s, but I had crushes on girls in college and high school, but those never went past flirting. I think that if I didn't have one of those, I'd gotten into a serious relationship a lot earlier,

All depends on the relationship. If "dating" means "going out" and doesn't mean "serious relationship," it's not SO bad. If you're fixated on a serious relationship and doing everything you can to hold it together, you're going to be distracted from school work and career-building.

It's not up to me to judge whether anyone SHOULD prioritize school over relationships or relationships over school. What always worked best for me was building relationships with older folks who already do what I want to do with my life. My undergrad years were terribly out of balance, though, and I really, REALLY should not have worked so hard at the FEW relationships I had between high school and college. I wasn't a great student to begin with, and one thing that always stuck out about the "smarter" kids I went to school with is they almost NEVER dated. The sad fact is building romantic relationships and networking among your peers will most often NOT get you ahead in life. Building relationships with mature, experienced folks in your field always will.

If it's not that big a deal to you, go ahead and date. Just understand your life options later on will be limited. If you're not working or have marketable skills from work experience or education because all you did was focus on "having relationships," you might be the perfect housewife/househusband, stay-at-home mom/dad, whatever. Nothing WRONG with that either. I AM a stay-at-home dad. But reality is that to get one you'll often sacrifice the other. I'm more the kind of person to leave my options open. I finished my master's degree before moving back home and worked a good two years before getting married. To a degree I'm a victim of circumstance and don't make the money I used to, but on the other hand I have more time to work at things I'm genuinely passionate about AND watch the kids. So while I can work on changing the direction of my career, I'm not in a position to further my education. I'll be waiting no less than another 16 years if I want to go that route.

And no, it doesn't become all that much more difficult to get into a romantic relationship later than sooner. I'm married and in my mid 30s. Not so many years ago I had a brief "thing" with a young woman I was playing an opposite role to in community theater. Nothing physical happened, but there was an undeniable off-stage chemistry there, a mutual attraction. I went back to my wife and she back to her bf when all was done, but it was kinda flattering to know I still got it. Had another girl making eyes at me and trying to be flirty with me (I lack the talent for it) while I was playing a gig a month or two ago? Given that I'm ugly, bald, and have bad teeth (I used to be fat, too, but I can't claim that anymore since I'm back below my weight in high school?), I'd say I'm doing pretty good. I've known some women to wait until their 30s to get married and make babies. So I'd definitely say that while SOME aspects of dating and relationships might get more difficult, you also bring more maturity and life experience to the relationship the longer you wait, and that's going to most often bring with it a high level of stability.

Oh, and I didn't get married until my late 20s, and my wife is just over a year younger than I am. We'll be together 9 years this October. We've hit hard times, paid for our mistakes, and survived circumstances that have killed marriages within 6 months (she would know?she used to work for a divorce lawyer). It's been more about how we are together as a team rather than our experience with relationships. Come to think of it, I was bf #3, and I don't think I've dated more than 10 women even if you counted elementary school?

Now, that's not to say you SHOULDN'T rack up dating experience once you're in a good position to date. If I had to do it all over again, I'd ask every single girl I ever met out on a date rather than focusing on the shortest path to a serious LTR. What I'd have done different would be put more emphasis on my studies and party less. Once I felt good about finishing school and racking up some job experience, I'd look at how many women I'm FRIENDS with and see what potential interest is there. It might take a hundred or more dates and no two with the same person to find solid LTR material, but a 100 sure beats my 10 (if that).

That's not to say I'm unhappy in my marriage. My marriage and my kids are AWESOME. I'm just saying getting where I am now was needlessly difficult. You don't have to wait "just because I said so." I just think your life will be a lot easier where it counts if you do. If your brand of awesome means getting married early, having, like, 30 kids, and working around the house/homeschooling being perfect wife/husband/dad/mom, then don't bother with school or job experience. By all means go for it. I just don't think most of us are fortunate enough to have that all figured out early enough in life to skip the education/career path (btw, I also think college is overrated. Lots of women out there are over their heads in debt paying back student loans and they've just figured out all they really wanted to do was stay home and raise kids. SERIOUSLY??? Your student loan servicer is NOT laughing). If you're too busy "in a relationship" or building your social life, then your education and career goals are NOT your top priority, and your academic/job performance is going to reflect that.

Skip dating, put first things first, and the marriage/family and everything leading up to it will work itself out.

"Is it normal if you are 14 going on 15 and you've never dated??"

Wow, it really suprises me that so many young teens worry about these things. 14/15 is SO young. Where I live, over 70% percent hasn't even really dated at the age of 15. It's completely 'normal' if you haven't had a boyfriend at this age yet. COMPLETELY. Don't worry about it.

Come back when you are 25 and you've never dated (although I wouldn't even say that that is not normal).

I hope that doesn?t mean you?re going to do everything in your power to make sure she will be still unable to do it without your permission at that age.



I wonder how teenagers are supposed to even have a choice in that case. If they?re not allowed, they?re not allowed, period.

It?s not like I sympathize with this approach, though. In my experience, it definitely tends to render you utterly incapable of dating in your whole life, but I suppose it?s OK, because, hey, dating is bad, isn?t it?

Last edited by Spiderpig on 29 Jun 2014, 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

*sigh*

If only?

Well, you know the answer to that. Sooner or later, cold, hard reality will rear its ugly head and I'll have to let her go.

But as a parent, as long as she's under my care I have absolutely zero obligation to allow her to date. That's not the same as saying I'll never allow her to date?just saying I'm not obligated to let her. Why parents get hung up on those kinds of things is beyond me. Now, if she and a mutually interested, worthy party can demonstrate to me that they CAN responsibly go out together between 17 and 18 years, we'll talk. But I stand by my original statement: If educational and career goals are a priority, none of us can afford distractions. Get the most important things out of the way FIRST. Then enjoy the benefits. Keep it simple.

To summarize: Never, EVER sacrifice what you want for what you want right now. I see dating when you're young as exactly that.

Well, Anna_K, you might want to have a look at another thread on this forum.

So, to sum up:

1) If your parents are not actively preventing you from dating, be glad they aren?t and do whatever the hell you want without asking anybody else. Why ask if you should do what you want to? So they say no?

2) If they are, well, bad luck. You?ll have to tough it out till either they allow you or you no longer need their permission. It might be a good idea to stop depending financially on them as soon as possible, too.