i have a dilemma. thoughts? advice? hear me out?

Post Reply New Topic

okay so i met this really nice girl on myspace. at first we were just chatting and such alot. both bored, killing time. her profile said she was single and not looking. there were playful innuendos occasionally, but nothing serious. we became pretty good friends. i was supposed to meet her in person for the first time at the county fair, but she couldn't come over and say hello because she was a part of the 4-H Horses and i guess it would've looked weird to her family. she got a boyfriend recently, 2 days later off some advice i gave apprently, she dumped him. i guess he had trust issues. didn't know i had that much influence in her decisions, surprised me . she now has a quote by me from that day on her myspace page. and seems to have feelings for me. i was sorta surprised to realize i had such feelings myself. and we've been talking about it since and getting along better than ever.

one problem with this whole scenario though:
she's 14
i'm 19
i think really like her though

thinking maybe should tell her i want to give this a few years
and just be friends til then and see where we go once she's actually legal
and i can go out with her publically without fearing jail-time

I''ve got a 14 year-old daughter and I would do anything to keep a 19 year-old away from her, including going to the police. She is just a child. She may look like a young woman, may behave like one, but inside she is still sooo young.

I'd have to agree with Laura.

Stop now before you get in legal trouble. Do not hang around waiting for her to get older. Do not hide a relationship from anybody because do not have a relationship in the first place. Do not ask her parents for permission. Do not write to her anymore.

You are treading in VERY dangerous water and you need to get out now. If you get on the sex offender registry, you are there for life.

This shouldn't even be a dilemma! As laura123 and Granite pointed out loud and clear, her parents could turn you in to the police at the drop of a hat. They might do that even in retaliation to something unrelated, like you tracking mud into their house. Obviously, if they have a shred of integrity, they won't do that, but they can easily do so if they wanted to. You are putting yourself in more danger than an elephant in a ivory poachers' camp. Yeah, it's unfair, but this what the NT society we created for us; now, we must live with it and pretend to enjoy it.

Honestly, 14 and 19 is too big of an age difference. You two are at very different life stages. Also, it would be hard to find activity you both can enjoy without the age thing coming into play: you can't see an R-rated movie together, most pool halls and some bowling alleys have an 18+ are restriction after a certain time, and I'm sure she has a curfew, so going out late is out of the question. I don't know how OK with it you'd be, but I definitely would have problems with it.

So what should you do? Start phasing out communication with the girl. Go online less and less often. Then after some time, make up a plausible excuse and end contact. Should her parents contact the police anyway, you'd have plausible deniability (an actual legal term): "I was talking to her online, but when I found out she was 14; I realized it was a bad idea to continue communication." Of course, this will only work if you did not suggest any meetings whatsoever, because that could be constructed as a proposition for sex and used against you big time.

Good points, Aspie1. I might add that 14 year old girls often have the womanly body parts AND the raging hormones. What they don't have is the smarts to use all this correctly. So what one might think is perfectly consensual if the 14 year old girl is the one making the advances, certainly isn't in the eyes of the law or the parents.

I know a 28 year old man who had consensual sex with a 13 year old girl. It was the girl's idea according to him. His parents found out and he is doing 10 years in the Pennsylvania prison, he's also going on the sex offender registry when he gets out. The way my state's law works is that if there is more than a 3 year age difference if two people are found to be having sex, and one of the participants is younger than 16 then it is classified as rape. The older sex partner will be up on charges.

I don't care how great this girl is, it isn't worth it. Find another.

Oh, and one more thing, if the prosecution finds this message board and the accused has posted here ,one won't be able to use the "I didn't know" defense.

Mind you, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm just stating the facts.

Ah you live in WA as well. Have you read the age of consent laws?

The age of consent in this great state of ours is 18. An exception is made for couples where the younger is at least 16 but not yet 18 and the older is no more than 5 years older. So a partner of a 16-18 year old must be in the 21-23 age bracket.

Since the girl you've met is under 16 and you are over 18, it is clearly illegal in every shape or form.

Furthermore, since you are 19 and she 14 (5 years), it becomes a matter of months or even days whether or not it would be legal when she turns 16. Age difference between you two must be less than 5 years.

That said, you need to stay away from her, laws or no laws. She's an immature kid with no personality of her own yet. I'd venture a guess that she's been very malleable with your presence in her life, and is merely parroting your own interests and desires. She will be a completely different person in 4 years.

It sounds like she's crushing on you, but you need to stick with being friends. I don't see why you can't be friends, and acknowledge the romantic interest, without actually pursuing it.