Unfair or not?

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One guy from America who I know that has aspergers. He is 45 never had a girlfriend or any type of intimate relationship in his life.

He told me the other day in relation to his past experiences with the opposite sex " women did not outright reject me for having asperges it was more the features that came with it such as monotone voice and lack of facial expressions" and he continued "monotone voice and lack iof facial expressions kinda creeped them out"

Do you think it's unfair for reasons listed above that the women would reject him without getting to know him better? Would it be a different story if he was a girl with those same traits?

Honestly? Depends on what she looked like.

It might be unpleasant, but it's not unfair. It just is what it is. Often people make decisions based on first impressions, and if they weren't impressed at first... well, it was never going to go anywhere.

It is what it is. There was a thread asking if people had been rejected because of their AS diagnosis. I answered yes & no.. as I've never been rejected because of an AS label, but definitely have been due to AS symptoms. That's life.

Fortunately we can all learn to improve and hopefully have better luck next time around.

You mean 'he'?

If he is definitely being rejected for these reasons then it's unfortunate that he has traits like these which have made it difficult for him to form the relationships he wants, or unfortunate that people have been unable to see past these traits. I wouldn't say it was 'unfair' though, because that might imply that his trouble was someone's fault, which I don't think it is. No-one is obligated to be in a relationship with someone else, and I suppose it depends on beliefs, but I don't know that there's any sort of higher being or god that decides what will happen in people's lives, which could make decisions that would treat your friend unfairly. Basically I'd agree with above posters who said that 'it is what it is'.

I think it's very unfair the way society treats quite, unusual guys with poor social skills as creeps or freaks. I heard someone say the other day on the subject of sexism that "creep shaming" is pretty much the male equivalent of "slut shaming", and TBH, I'm inclined to agree with him.

It sucks big time, but it's not unfair imo. I've been rejected a few times as well for things ranging from skincolour to my quirky personality.

Also, way too little information to judge this whole thing, imo.

Do you think, that there are many humans out there, anyway which sex, that think themselves: "Oh look how that guy/girl shows signs of disability! I must be in an relationship with him/her!" How did you get the idea, that its only about women, and not generally about NTs?

No one ever said life was fair. All that a person can do it make the most of the hand they're dealt.

Yeah. Well, it's not really fair or unfair, it's life.

Life is unfair.

A monotone can be annoying. I've tried slowing my speech to concentrate on each word so I annunciate it. It can be hard for people to understand my speech otherwise. My friend monotones and it can be almost impossible to discern the words because of it.

I get the impression that men would not care as much about monontone voice or expressions than girls do.

Women do like character in a mans voice and focus more on personality in men.

Depends on what intentions they have. If they only want a "Fuck-Schnitzel", they wont really care. But finding someone, really being interested in an honest relationship with the person that you are, is almost impossible. My actual partner was the first one, that knew me before, and was interested in an relationship. Before him, no boy ever that knew me well, was ever interested in me, when it comes to an relationship. The guys that tried to hit on me, normally did not know me before, normally avoided me after talking to me for a while, and the ones that pretended to be interested in an relationship with me, ended in relationships that let me feel sh***y most of the time, because of all my behavior traits, they blamed me for, and that would embarrass them in front of their friends. At least I could not embarrass them in front of their families, because none ever presented me to their families.

A monotone voice and lack of expression sounds boring. It makes interaction not fun or uninteresting.

It sounds like his dates are boring them selves not interested in his interests and hobbies. No matter what he talks about with or with out expression...its game over.

When I get made fun of from some with AS...I make fun of them. Then they get upset and say I am mean because they have Asperger's. Really....now that is unfair!

I don't think that's the real reason women rejected him... that was just his guess. I think it was less about facial expressions and monotone voice and more about behavior... I can only speak for myself but I just got rejected big-time by someone i've been talking to for months and unfortunately I would have to say my behavior did me in.. I have occasional episodes of depression and it causes me to see everything in a negative light and say the wrong things and the wrong time.

Then again I am also just guessing at the reason why I got rejected... realistically speaking there were probably a number of reasons... my lack of resources, my lack of socialization skills, my occasional negativity, and probably other stuff too.

I've seen aspie guys find love and even get married... but it takes a special kind of person to stand by someone through ups and downs... I haven't found that yet but I've seen others find it.