I've honestly never been interested in love or dating...

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Or marriage.

And its not really that I'm asexual or anything though I am still a virgin by choice at 32 years old. Maybe I became too cynical about romance from an early age?

I've yet to see a single relationship or marriage in my life that did not fall apart with a lot of drama. And i've seen the way couples hurt their own children every time they break up without caring about the psychological harm it does when they turn their own children against each other. That's pretty much why I vowed to never bring a child into this world because I still rememberball the pain I felt during my mom's divorces and I'm having to relieve it all over again with my brother and his ex wife and the drama they have dragged my niece through.

I'll never fall in love or get married because I simply don't want to. I guess that's sorta how I know I'm a total misanthrope deep down.

I'm sorry to hear that this has been your experience.

It's not universal, though. I've known plenty of couples who had lifelong marriages or other lifelong partnerships.


Yes, it can be really awful when divorcing couples behave like this.

Fortunately, not all divorcing couples behave like this. When my boyfriend's parents divorced when he was little, they managed to have joint custody without playing this kind of game.


I'm very sorry to hear you experienced this.

I decided not to have children for a different reason: I didn't think I would be capable of the responsibilities of raising a child, due to my various neurological oddities such as my difficulties with multi-tasking. (This was long before I was officially diagnosed with ASD.)


I have always felt that "falling in love" is an exceedingly dangerous way to form a relationship. IMO, love should be like a tree that grows gradually, not like a chasm you fall into.

Well having both autism and bipolar disorder has also convinced me not to try and have any children, but even if I didnt have these conditions I don't think I would want to have children. This doesn't feel like the kind of world I want to bring children into. People are just too cruel and selfish now.

Being single is not so bad & has its own benefits versus being tethered to another.

Most relationships do fail I think, by number/percentage measures. But hey, that doesn't stop most people from buying into the hope of a starry eyed love story.

I aint gonna lie the only starry eyed love I feel anymore is for material things.

I *had* an interest in it through my teens and twenties, and finding out really that being different - in any way, shape or form - makes one permanently unrelatable, even incapable of the kinds of social support needed to be a parent, ripped that desire out with barbed wire along with total economic instability for the breadth of my 30's.

Zero personal bitterness toward any individuals or groups of people (save maybe the mass mind and how it proves that Darwinian evolution and 'progress' have zero correlation other than adaptation by pure accident and most human lives ruined in various ways) but it's got me seriously contemplating the question - what do people do to find meaning or purpose, male or female, once they realize they'll most likely never be having a family? Political fundamentalism can't be the answer, weed and videogames can't be the answer either.

Trying to search for a spiritual purpose keeps me going just fine.

What's wrong with weed & videogames?

I'm not a romantic idealist either. I share your cynicism.

It makes you "permanently unrelatable" except to fellow freaks. Fortunately, I learned early that I needed to seek out fellow freaks.


That, IMO, requires not just a few fellow freaks, but a full-fledged organized subculture that you can belong to, if you don't fit in with the social mainstream.


... except insofar as these things can foster well-organized subcultures. But there are also other, better, foci for organized subcultures.

If it's the message of 'Go disappear and die, society doesn't need you in any way shape or form, but here - have these while you do it', that's the part I have a problem with.

Otherwise as a recreation while you're engaged with society and doing things in the world - nothing's wrong with videogames, and weed so long as you're over 25 and not throttling your synaptic pruning and other late teens / early 20's frontal lobe development.

Thus far 'fellow freaks' hasn't been an available option.

What's really creepy about this whole dynamic - it can just as easily happen to homeschooled NT men, it can happen to anyone who was moved around a lot as a kid by their parents and couldn't get a stable environment, it seems like this dynamic grabs, pulls, and eliminates anyone whose social skills and even identities weren't cobbled together by more purely inhuman / Darwinian effects, and throws them out of the circle. It's a bit like missed developmental milestones, especially toward broad social conformity in the arbitrary / shibboleth ways, just compound on each other. My friend's wife actually, whose Palestinian, was talking about her male brothers and cousins getting married, how they were trying to bring wives over from Israel, and even though these guys were NT they were raised with a good amount of the traditional / religious guidance on their sexuality and conduct, they had shops, played videogames in the evening, pretty much making money and doing the relatively innocent guy things like sports and videogames or modding cars while trying to figure out when they wanted to arrange a marriage, and she was telling me that most of these girls were super-experienced and would eat them alive for their lack of it, ie. this really sounds like it's a broader dynamic than just a western cultural one.

I occasionally listen to HealthyGamerGG just because he broaches some interesting topics occasionally and this is him talking about how outsiderhood compounds with both age and intelligence and, while one would think that getting more intelligent and being able to apply better analytics to any problem would solve it - this social dynamic is completely the opposite, he's not saying this part but I am - use of reason proves that you're 'scared' of being judged and thus you're refusing to open yourself to being judged on conformal / genetic grounds based on what behaviors would come out of you if you behaved in only an instinctive manner (and if you're the type of person who people would rip down and put in 'F' status once they saw the results because your behavior doesn't map to their understandings - you were screwed anyway).

His advice, as this especially happens often to 'smart' people, is to learn to be 'stupid' or trust your logic less. I guess to some degree if you're talking yourself out of going out the door at all because you're afraid of being judged and you go out for the heck of it anyway (fair - I think at that level is fine) then you're making sure more doors are at least open. Still - with actual 'stupid', there's no way you can compete with decades of experience and 'flying by feel' when you don't have it.

Me neither. I am not opposed to it, and i love romance in fiction, but i never had the feeling of wanting to spend my time with a special someone.
I would rather have a group of friends for my social needs.

And i so relate to not wanting to bring a child to this world.

This has nothing to do with misanthropy i think. You might be asexual, aromantic, and have different lifestyle and preferances than other people. I am currently researching "amatonormativity" which relates to this.

That may be why I HATED being single after my 1st relationship ended. She was the 1st person I ever really connected with & related to. I never had a large group of friends offline & lots of times no real offline friends & I find it very difficult to be myself around others offline. I need to be focusing on doing an activity like working or going to school & socializing is something I do if it's related to the activity or others are nice & want to chat with me about other stuff. However I have a high desire for companionship but on a deeper level & I can really only handle that from one person at a time. I have a high desire for physical affection but I need to be extremely comfortable with the person, I'm anti-affectionate with everyone else. I get clingy & needy when I have that one person in my life. I also can not handle living by myself. Living with a romantic partner seems like the way to achieve all that. I am misanthropic about the hew-mon species overall as a group but I can like & even love individuals if they are decent people who don't follow the herd & accept me. I know from experience that love is not required for me to form a relationship, that feeling can come after we get to know each other some & spend time together.

In some ways things would be a lot easier for me if I was never interested in romantic relationships. Getting one was a major struggle for me & maintaining one can be very stressful at times. As for as kids go, I have too many of my own issues to deal with & I feel like a parent sometimes with my romantic partners cuz my 1st & 3rd girlfriend had their various issues they're dealing with & I can barely handle that sometimes.

Yeah, turning to weed & videogames can sometimes be more of a forced thing rather than a choice I guess. I suppose these things are meant to placate people after they have been exiled from society, in some cases.

I've never done weed but I love my video games. Especially ones where I can get lost in my own little fantasy world.

But i detest the idea of online gaming. I'm not masochistic enough to want to deal with a bunch of immature punks trolling and making death threats at each other.