Any good tips for getting the attention of a woman?

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I'm 27 and currently attend college full-time. Talking to people is such a great feeling. There doesn't seem to be any trouble. Everything from the body language (using eye contact, not folding the arms, etc) is going great too.

Sometimes in between classes, I chat with random people, and it goes well. Also I tend to get those certain "looks" from women, so I know I'm doing something right.
For the female aspect part, what is a good way to show interest in someone, (when you first meet them), without being "too much?"
(For example, immediately cutting to the chase and asking for a date isn't good) I'm not a manwhore, I only want a relationship.
A healthy relationship would really make me feel great, especially if I wanna' talk to someone.
I don't want to look like "the player" type. I have also heard, "You can look at women, and smile, and if they smile back, its usually a good sign."

Also, I don't want kids, so would it be better just to ask to be friends first?
I figured, on the first date, it would be might be (or may not be) appropriate to say...."so...you want kids?" lol)

Any advice is appreciated!

the kids question is a little serious for a first date, but should be discussed before getting engaged, which is best left until you've known someone for at least six months according to our local domestic violence counselors.


as far as asking someone out, i'd look by conversation for common interests. if there are some, suggest doing one of them together. it's not exactly a date, but a great opportunity to know someone better.

It's harder to ask a girl out the very first time you meet her. No matter how well the meeting goes it often comes across as too soon, too aggressive and, if you ask awkwardly, too desperate. Not to say it can't be done, but if you're meeting people at school, chances are you'll meet them again. Don't be afraid to walk away with just a smile and a, "OK, catch you later." When she smiles the next time she sees you, your odds just got a lot better.

Don't sweat the kids thing on the first date. Just being friends is ALWAYS a smart way to go. What I'd suggest is go out just to casually "go out," more like hanging out than a "date-date." In my book, meeting up for coffee/beer/burger-fries-shake counts as a date. You're full-time college, so getting together at the library to study counts as a date. Heck, a bunch of college kids getting together for a movie night, whether theatrical or in a dorm room or apartment counts as a date as far as I'm concerned. People tend to get all awkward if you CALL it that, but it still counts and I don't care what anyone says. The point is to just get to know as many girls as you can is as short a time as practical. Go out and get you a medium-sized, black leather-bound Moleskine, write down names/phone-numbers/perfume/clothing measurements/fav colors/email addys/facebook/etc. or whatever you can find. When you have a Friday or Saturday night when you are otherwise unoccupied, make the rounds in your book and see who else out there is likewise unengaged. Personally, I'd assign everyone a number and pick a sequence at random. Make notes on who says "yes" more often to dates, and from there you'll get a pretty good index of who is LTR material.

Oh, and keep that Moleskine in a lockbox somewhere. The day you get back from your honeymoon, burn it.

Now, as far as kids go, here are my thoughts: It is a GOOD thing to make babies. You may not want babies. I never WANTED babies. But I GOT babies. You never realize how much you need babies before you have them, and man-to-man, that's all I have to say about that.

Beyond that, what you're going to find is relationships are more than about YOU. Your mate can swear up and down all she wants about never wanting babies. By her late 20s, she's going to start hearing her biological clock ticking. By mid-to-late 30s, the biological alarm clock is going to start ringing, and it's going to ring so loud YOU will be able to hear it. And you'll have to deal with the fact that every day she gets older and looks in the mirror, she's going to be staring back at every regret for everything she NEVER did and start dealing with the fact that a chapter of her life is now closed and she'll never get that opportunity again. And believe me, someone who spends a lot of time asking herself "what if?" is not going to be an easy person to live with.

Granted, not every woman is like that. Lots of women adamantly do NOT want to reproduce, and that's fine. It's certainly possible to life a perfectly fulfilled life without children, and I respect that. However, what you'll find is the human compulsion to reproduce is difficult for most to overcome, and I'd hate to see something like that ultimately mess up your relationships in the long term. Besides, babies are just AWESOME.

I found out that most women mentally pick their guys in the first place but usually make no bold
move and don't ask out, how you ask her out is all irrelevant and won't change her choice, what really matters is that you are on her mind in the 1st place.

That's the real purpose of asking out, to know whether she has mentally chosen you or not.

Thanks boo. That's sound advice.

Congratulations, FunkMasterMike! AngelRho just gave you a bunch of bingos to check off your BreederBingo cards!
http://7deadlysinners.typepad.com/sinners/2006/04/breeder_bingo_c.html
https://www.flickr.com/photos/lizhenry/3951585990/

Seriously, though, the childfree talk doesn't have to happen on the first date, but it should happen towards the beginning of any relationship you get into. Otherwise, you might be wasting each other's time. Being friends first and going on really casual outings to get to know each other helps with this a lot.

I've found that it's pretty awkward to continue to be friends with guys after going on official dates and having the dates turn sour. Better to find out the basics about people first in a more casual setting. If you're romantically incompatible, then at least you've made a new friend, which isn't bad at all.

It's what I do. You're welcome.

The breeding instinct is a powerful one. Not only that, but keeping a closed mind is a great way to drain your dating pool. Trying to circumvent that is going to set you up for a lot of relational tension down the road. I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm saying it's good to be prepared.

I will admit this much, though...NOBODY wants babies RIGHT NOW.

I actually do personally know someone who got married expecting kids to be in the picture only to find her new husband does [CAPSLOCK]NOT[/CAPSLOCK] want babies and, even worse, is terribly averse to sex. And she is of that age it's all pointless anyway.

So, yeah, if the relationship is taking a serious turn, it needs to be discussed before you go all official bf/gf.

It's not having a closed-mind. It's knowing one's limits. I don't hate kids, but my half brother and sister I've seen grow up (ages 5 and 12 now)...it's not my thing. Passing down my genetics would be great, but mentally, I'd rather not have kids, its just not for me. I'd rather be career-focused. (ideally 4+ years of college in chemistry or a science field)
I got the body language stuff down, and smiling, and not to mention the gym. I got a phone number, but she only responded to one of my texts. For the most part, rejection is ok, because there's plenty of others out there. I also quit over-thinking every situation. (got better stuff to think about you know?)

[Community] college is lingering with women. Even just to be friends with them would be ok with me too.

I don't quite understand the Breeder Bingo thingy, lol.

Thanks again, everyone.

Perfectly understandable. For me it just felt like the right thing to do. Note that I never said doing the right thing was ever what I wholeheartedly WANTED to do. But I made up my mind to grow WITH my kids rather than parent them, and for me that has made all the difference. I'm just crazy enough to actually use that to mold them into miniatures of myself the way I am now, and (I'm a musician) they're doing things on the piano I couldn't do in high school. I've known other parents whose work involved a lot of math and they have 8-year olds doing calculus. Our culture is so "do your own thing" that we forget to pass down our own brand of AWESOME to the next generations who are more than capable of sponging it all up. The net result is the present generation of parents/kids are exceptionally good at mediocrity. My kids may grow up hating me for it, but I just happen to imagine a better world for them than the one my folks pushed me into, the same rat race my contemporaries are running. I like to think OUR family can do a little bit better.

If you really want to be career-oriented, you're going to want to put your social life on hold. There's nothing wrong with that, either. You're not going to miss out. What you want to do if you're going to be career-driven is build relationships with older people in your field and get all the free mentoring that you can. As you mature, you'll find it difficult NOT to meet women because you'll display attractive character traits that will far outweigh any personality quirks, awkward body language, and so on. You won't even HAVE to do that NT fake-out thing. You can just be yourself, whatever that means, and people will be drawn to you.

My last word on the kids thing: Understood about knowing your limits, but I wonder if you're really giving yourself enough credit! OK?done?moving on.


I didn't learn these kinds of lessons easily. I've been in a relationship for nearly 15 years now. Some might call it luck. I call it the grace of God! We have a very unique, shared story that has bound us tightly together. So when I think about dating again, it's all in retrospect. I've been in abusive relationships, I've been in relationships that seemed to be going well and had a surprise what-the-freak end, relationships I was relieved when they disintegrated, and WONDERFUL relationships I wished didn't have to end but did. When I look back on it, I'm like, "What an idiot?I never really got to know ANYONE did I?" I always thought the "little black book" thing was just stupid?but looking back, I'm like--dude, I really could have done a lot better! Not better than my wife, I just mean doing a better job actually getting there.

My point is that I'd never suggest the whole be-a-jerk PUA path. But I WOULD make the rounds getting to know as many women as possible and have dates lined up at least once or twice a week. Don't let a weekend pass without meeting someone for one-on-one time, preferably in a well-lit, public place, of course. If something happens, it happens, but not because you force it. Rather, because the chemistry is "just there."

It sounds to me like overall you're doing the right thing?just keep doing more of it. I don't think you're really going to have any problems. You just need to get out there and start building experience. That's the best advice I can give you.


I get it?lol? It's when you get to be a certain age and you don't have children, your married, parent friends and older relatives will start pestering you about why you don't have children. The bingo card is all about the most common rationales used in that direction. They don't mean to, but they're being rude. It's nobody's business, not even mine, whether you want children or not. My whole point is cutting that as an option might mean limiting yourself when it comes down to more serious relationships later on in the game. You don't want a situation in which you're really falling hard for someone, and they you, and this ends up being a big dealbreaker. There's no way for you both to be happy whether you stay together or break up, and (personal opinion here) you MIGHT find it's really not that bad and worth staying in the relationship for. But that's just how *I* feel. You have to do what you feel is best for yourself.

And we are, after all, talking relationships. Your job for now is just get out there and meet women. As others have already said, the kid talk can wait.

The kids thing...personally I discuss this any many more interesting/useful/controversial things on a first date. Someone who doesn't want to talk about this stuff is probably not for me, I need to know the "big" stuff about a person early on. The stuff people usually recommend to talk about on a first date is rarely very useful to me for trying to get to know the person.

I don't. My ex-friend did that gig. It's not me. I'm nicer than that, for sure. (it only works to pickup bimbos and barflies) I say hi, and usually start with sharing interests, and being the listener. This has made myself and others more comfortable to be around. Also keeping busy/productive helps a LOT! Being busy in general makes life more positive and appearing "NT" is pretty much on auto-pilot.


As a broke student, coffee is the only kind of date I can do for the ladies, and that's my goal. Women do have friends, afterall.


I've seen many people that I knew a while ago who looked before they leaped, and they are living in poverty because they have to support not one, but 2-3 people. Baby's daddy problems, you know, the whole drama package. I can say for sure the stuff I DEFINITELY do not want, is not in my life. (i.e. kids, crazy ex's, crazy baby's momma') I also look at who I am. Its all about quality, not quantity, even if being single for 1-3 years at a time is what it entails.


I'm 27. Overall, I have overcome a lot. I missed out on the dating thing mostly, but don't regret it. I didn't want to date at all until I was "ready." (certain goals for spiritual, physical, intelligence, plus the medication helps a ton) Only had three girlfriends. Longest relationship lasted two months. It could be worse. I could have two kids and be even more broke than I am now.


I'm unsure on the limiting myself part. I'm guessing "more serious relationships later on in the game" means most women want kids, or have them already?
I didn't enjoy being a kid, due to constraints of freedom and privacy. The things I like to do, or want to do, or want to do more of, are not kid-friendly. (weed on occasion, I'd like to have sex (hasn't happened in a couple years), and then more of it, and overall more freedom)


Yeah, that's why I thought it would be wise to bring it up early. Yeah, I thought of that "late-relationship-deal-breaker scenario."


I used to think so. (maybe 6 years ago), now I don't. There's always tomorrow. If not, then maybe sometime in this lifetime. If not, maybe in the next. If not, I still got my uniqueness.

Thanks for the long response. I like them because they denote larger amounts of constructive information. You're very helpful. Thanks!