Signs someone likes you or is flirting

Post Reply New Topic

A few of my friends (both male and female) mention a fair amount that someone is hitting on/flirting with/clearly likes them, and usually say this about what seem like relatively casual encounters. I've never noticed a woman doing these things to me, and whenever I've mentioned that, my friends always reassure me 'of course someone likes you, you probably just haven't noticed it'. Of course, getting that response from both genders is weird, but I'm mostly wondering what I'm missing. I've googled signs of flirting, etc and just find things like 'eye contact', but that to me makes it seem like every conversation NTs have is flirtations, which is so overly ridiculous I don't even need an analogy to emphasize my point. I need some pointers here, because I'm totally lost.

Short version: Could someone tell me (preferably with examples) what generally would be the difference between a woman flirting with/hitting on me, and her just having a normal conversation with me?

if she touches your arm, could be flirting.

or shes just friendly

She is looking at you from time to time without talking to you. I think it is most effective if you give women you are interested in quick glances and observe if they glance back at you or not.

Edit; To start it out, a good strategy is simply to try to make eye contact with girls you are interested in, and as soon as you succeed just look away Then you continue with quick glances and observe her with peripheral vision,

Besides, it is no wonder if you cannot observe others doing this, It is very subtle and typically only those involved have an idea of what is going on.

When someone is really interested in you, their eyes sparkle and their face lights up when they see you. This is the best indicator of all

Sometimes we do have to look them in the eyes!

christ this helps a lot. if only i have read this thread a year and a half ago.
i could spared myself a lot of s***, and i would be dating the most amazing persn who ever walked into my life.
and i would have over 300MB more space on my laptop

Can I ask what people mean when someone's eyes "sparkle"? I've never really understood that phrase or actually seen it in real life

it is hard to explain that 'sparkle', but you could try to see how one of your female friend looks at their boyfriend versus a regular guy friend (not yourself in this case, as you'd want the same outlook: an outsider vieuw).
there will be a difference, bit more 'life' in the eyes while she looks at her boyfriend, bigger pupils, brighter colour, that sort of thing.
there isn't a real way to describe it, you have to experience it for yourself

That's something i definitely need to learn. So when someone at work describes me as having a sparkle in my eye that's a positive thing?

Also I don't know how useful anyone else will find this but I thought this book

Undercover Sex Signals by Leil Lowndes

...does give some good pointers.

That's something i definitely need to learn. So when someone at work describes me as having a sparkle in my eye that's a positive thing?

Also I don't know how useful anyone else will find this but I thought this book

Undercover Sex Signals by Leil Lowndes

...does give some good pointers.

Seems like an NT-thing. There is a need to determine one's "targets", and then use the appropriate tools. If you are after NTs, read about PUA and dating tactics. If not, discard almost everything that these "experts" say as it is not relevant, and act natural instead.

If her hand is in your pants.

In books about love and dating authors list things like the girl playing with her hair or tossing it in a certain way, letting their sandal hang half off their foot, looking at the guy for three seconds then looking away, et cetera. But I've never seen anyone do this in real life, only in films. I'm not saying it never happens, obviously it does otherwise the authors wouldn't say it, but I have to wonder how frequent displays like this really are. On the few occasions when I've actively noticed a girl trying to hit on me, it's always been through the way she said things and the kinds of topics being discussed - usually they've taken an overly-friendly approach to our friendship or they say something which wouldn't make sense if it wasn't implying a desire to be in a relationship with me.

I've certainly seen that, but I doubt it can be used as a signal of interest. At least it can't be in the absence of other signals. However, it could be interesting to look out for, but it's not reliable on it's own.



Three seconds is much longer than what I do when flirting with mostly neurodiverse girls. More like at most one second. But that could be something useful to distunguish neurodiverse from meurotypical girls.

More likely is that I've misremembered the number of seconds.

I don't think its about ticking off each and every signal. Not all women display all the little tells of flirting, the may use 30 or they may use 3 (it depends on their their repetoire and their social skills). If you pick up a number of signals then you can take that as flirting.

Just don't find one clue and decide they're interested.