my mother doesnt' want me to date an asperger

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eva21
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28 Jun 2014, 3:15 am

hi guys, i have a problem and i don't know what to do or who to tell... i've started dating a mild asperger 4 months ago, he's really sweet and i would had never noticed he has asperger unless he told me, he's a bit shy in large groups and he stresses a bit much for somethings, but no big deal (as far as i know ) actually, most of her friends and family dont' even know he has asperger.

the problem is that, when i introduced him to my parents, he told them he has asperger,not giving much importance to it, but now they have panicked, specially my mother, telling me that i should not date him, that i'm making a huge mistake, that the simptom is uncurable, that if i marry someone like that i would have to take care of him all my live and that our sons would provably have it too (yes, all this only after 4 moths of dating) anyway, all kind of stuff like that.

I've tried talking with her, explaining that it's not that big of a problem but it's useless... he tells me that i'm not a doctor and what do i know, and she doesn't even know him... just for a few hours.

i don't know what kind of thing had she read on the internet or if she's making all of it by her own but it's really tearing me apart,,, he's the sweetest, caring and smart boyfriend i've ever had and i don't want to breakup for something like that...

what could i do?

PD: sorry my english, it's not my first lenguage



CosmicRuss
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28 Jun 2014, 6:33 am

You cannot change your boyfriend's brain so the only thing you can work on is changing your parent's attitude. I don't know how old you are or your cultural background but you have to live your life not your parent's.


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Waterfalls
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28 Jun 2014, 6:55 am

Can you talk about other things and ask him to do the same? Your mother has panicked and fixated on this and I doubt can talk about rationally right now. He must have positive qualities. Talk about them if you can.



Jono
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28 Jun 2014, 9:18 am

Don't listen to your mother. Date him if you want to and if you have any questions about his Asperger's, ask us here.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Jun 2014, 10:33 am

What about an Asshotdog?



Frmeepy
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28 Jun 2014, 12:06 pm

I adore men with aspergers. Especially the shy ones... They're such sweethearts :oops:

Tell her that everyone with aspergers are different. Explain to her how your boyfriends aspergers is.



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28 Jun 2014, 1:10 pm

Frmeepy wrote:
I adore men with aspergers. Especially the shy ones... They're such sweethearts :oops:

Tell her that everyone with aspergers are different. Explain to her how your boyfriends aspergers is.
Most women I have come across see shy men as a turn off, :scratch: maybe i been around the wrong women.


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AspieOtaku
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28 Jun 2014, 1:14 pm

Ops mother must be an abilist. I bet she would change her mind though if the aspie was rich and makes 6 figures a year and has a Ferrari or something of that nature. It kind of reminds me of this! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92U6OnVZG3U[/youtube]


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
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goldfish21
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28 Jun 2014, 1:16 pm

1) You're dating him, not your mother. It's not really her decision. It would be different if the guy was rude, mean, or otherwise a jerk whether he had AS or not and she advised you to leave him. But it sounds like he's a nice guy and your mother is the one with the problem. I'd politely tell her to mind her own business about it as she's not the one dating him, you are, and it's your choice. I'd tell her I appreciate her concern and that if he ever behaved in such a way that you didn't want to be with him, you'd stop dating him on your own accord.

2) Your mother is wrong in assuming it's incurable. Symptoms are entirely treatable. I know because I've done it.


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28 Jun 2014, 2:51 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
1) You're dating him, not your mother. It's not really her decision. It would be different if the guy was rude, mean, or otherwise a jerk whether he had AS or not and she advised you to leave him. But it sounds like he's a nice guy and your mother is the one with the problem. I'd politely tell her to mind her own business about it as she's not the one dating him, you are, and it's your choice. I'd tell her I appreciate her concern and that if he ever behaved in such a way that you didn't want to be with him, you'd stop dating him on your own accord.

2) Your mother is wrong in assuming it's incurable. Symptoms are entirely treatable. I know because I've done it.



This.



AnonymousAnonymous
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28 Jun 2014, 3:05 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
Frmeepy wrote:
I adore men with aspergers. Especially the shy ones... They're such sweethearts :oops:

Tell her that everyone with aspergers are different. Explain to her how your boyfriends aspergers is.
Most women I have come across see shy men as a turn off, :scratch: maybe i been around the wrong women.


@ Aspie Otaku: I've been having the same problem too. Many women I've been around think of shy men as "weird", "creepy", etc, even though a handful of women I've met think the opposite concerning shy men.


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sly279
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28 Jun 2014, 3:39 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
Frmeepy wrote:
I adore men with aspergers. Especially the shy ones... They're such sweethearts :oops:

Tell her that everyone with aspergers are different. Explain to her how your boyfriends aspergers is.
Most women I have come across see shy men as a turn off, :scratch: maybe i been around the wrong women.


@ Aspie Otaku: I've been having the same problem too. Many women I've been around think of shy men as "weird", "creepy", etc, even though a handful of women I've met think the opposite concerning shy men.


from my view in most cases the women who say they find shy men attractive are all in relationships. hardly helpful to a shy man.



goldfish21
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28 Jun 2014, 3:52 pm

sly279 wrote:
from my view in most cases the women who say they find shy men attractive are all in relationships. hardly helpful to a shy man.


Ask those women if they have a sister or friend they could introduce you to.


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FluttercordAspie93
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28 Jun 2014, 4:41 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
Frmeepy wrote:
I adore men with aspergers. Especially the shy ones... They're such sweethearts :oops:

Tell her that everyone with aspergers are different. Explain to her how your boyfriends aspergers is.
Most women I have come across see shy men as a turn off, :scratch: maybe i been around the wrong women.


I actually rather adore shy guys, whether they're on the spectrum or not.

As to the OP, I feel your pain. I went through a similar situation with my own mother just recently.



sly279
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28 Jun 2014, 10:30 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
from my view in most cases the women who say they find shy men attractive are all in relationships. hardly helpful to a shy man.


Ask those women if they have a sister or friend they could introduce you to.


I have most of their friends are with someone, and one had a cousin but said she only goes after super fit hot types.



slushy9
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28 Jun 2014, 10:30 pm

wow helicopter parents
you're old enough to make your own decisions