Having No Desire for a Full Relationship

Post Reply New Topic

I have no desire for a full-on relationship because I grow tired of people quite easily. I am considered bisexual, but I lean more towards men on the attraction scale. My preference for a relationship is actually a short-term emotional fling between two people who need a release, and that fling should last only a short time so attachment doesn't grow. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I feel tied down when people grow overly-attached, and I desire my independence. I am also polyamorous, and I would take on more than one of these flings so long as the partner knows and agrees to my lifestyle. If, however, they disagree with it I would make sure that they would be the only one, or would be sure to never start the fling with them. Also note that the fling doesn't have to be sexual at all. I have very little desire to actually have intercourse, and have no interest in breeding. Is this unusual at all? Do any of you feel a similar lack of desire for attachment? Also, do you feel trapped when someone grows overly-attached to you and it was not your intention for that to happen?

I'm pretty hard to get attached to so that's not a problem. I'm more worried about getting too attached to someone myself. I'd try to keep more distance when I feel that's happening so they probably think I lost interest in them. I think I just want to avoid anything that makes me too emotional in life.
So I kinda desire for a full on relationship but I'm afraid once I'm in it I'd be stressed out.

I don't have this problem. I would love to find someone that I can really feel attached too.

So you're looking for short-term open relationships? Not my thing, but if you find a partner who agrees to it I see no problem. Some young people (in their 20's), as well as many divorcees may see this is an acceptable life style for them to adopt, depending on the age group you're looking for

Emotional distance is just my preference. People tend to get really hurt once they grow attached to you only to realize that you aren't really attached to them like they are. I don't like that, though. When they get hurt once my lack of interest kicks in it just makes me feel like a sociopath on so many levels. I have emotions, though. They're just...stunted? Dull? Faked?

There's no shame to be had for feeling the way you do. I've known many NTs who prefer not to be attached to one person exclusively. Hell, there's most of the Polyamorous scene in a nutshell there. I don't think you should think of yourself as emotionally stunted, or whatever. Your emotional needs are different, full stop.

Mind you, it could change. The author of Asperger's Syndrome from the Inside said he didn't have any long-term relationships most of his adult life because he never had the patience or inclination to maintain one. Later on he got married and started feeling differently. In his words, "Monogamy suits me fine now."

I guess my point is don't put yourself down. This is all human stuff-- not specifically Aspergian.

I never quite looked at it from the standpoint of that just being my emotional needs. That provided a new insight. Thank you!

Not at all. I like to have a few attachments that I keep over longer time spans. I'm also polyamorous, but in a monogamous marriage.