trial seperation

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bobby and I love each other as much as ever.. we both hope it is temporary. I just cannot get over certain things that occurred shortly after my diagnosis. [ a touch of it is on a December 16 thread titled 'Cannot Get Over My Schizophrenic Brother," ] please pray because e both want to be together but both know that for now we can't.

Hi Vicky,

I know you probably got into a big fight, and you folks need to be separated for a little bit. But I hope you guys get back together soon. I don't sense that this will be permanent.

I feel angry like this sometimes. Sometimes, I have to split from the scene as well.

I feel your love is far too strong for you guys to be separated for long. Now, the stubbornness starts: who's going to make the first call?

Ideally, you'll both call each other at the same time.

there was no argument

Do you feel constrained by Bobby in some way? Is he holding you back from something (without meaning to)?

It worked in Anger Management, so I'm sure it would also work for you two.

Bobby is wonderful. And it's not an anger management thing.Bobby NEVER would deliberately hurt me. Ever. By his actions [or lack of action] something was put into effect that I CANNOT get over. It has greatly effected me emotionally, and I cry and cry and cry over it, and then I say "Bobby, why didn't you do what you said you were going to do,or at least not fight against me doing, and look at all the pain it has caused"He is sorry. He never meant to hurt me or anyone else,but I cannot get over it. And he,understandably, cannot handle me not getting over it. I have been suicidal,thinking everyone would be better off if I was gone so many times.

So sorry to hear that, Vicky.

Simple answer,yes. But with the way it snowballed, MANY people, in many ways were horribly hurt. TheTIMING of the hurt I personally went through [including Bill dying unaware that he was loved] is what makes it all so difficult. This was right after being diagnosed, and believing I had not only Bill,but an entire community of support.

At the time, our community was/is going through a very ugly power struggle and had become extremely dysfunctional. I thought I had left the pain of being the scapegoat in a dysfunctional family when I grew up. Though the battle has never involved me, I was put into the position of the scapegoat. When Bill became delussional enough that he believed my sister when she said I was faking breast cancer, he went to the leadersof the community. EVERY person there had seen my eformed scarred chest with tubes,my hair falling out, losing weight and then ballooning like a sausage They'd seen my port an, well everything. I am not stupid [well,I thought I was not] and have always known I was not popular, but I thought I was very well liked, sweet, but just a little too weird to get close to.

I thought I was going to have so much support, but when Bill said that I was faking breast cancer, many people believed him. There is still so much more. I lived there...and all I did was hide. And cry.

Someone here on WP once made a coment implying that I am bigoted against NTs'. I could not argue with her on that.

There is so much more. I know that Bobby is incredible and I love him so much. I know that I should not be angry with him for any of this, I know that any anger there is should have dissipated long ago. Instead, it just hits, and I make cruel comments to him, blaming him. I have never been his way before, and neihter of us can handle it. I also get angry with him for wanting to stay at the ranch after all that has happened. I am getting angry at my dear sweet husband with heart failure. My husband does not deserve this.

I am hoping that living apart from Bobby, and being away from the trigger reminders at the ranch, will hopefully help me to get it together and maybe [if Bobby still wants it] for us to get back together. I love him so much.

We're sorry to hear that.



Sweet Pea hugs