So I have a new gf. What now?

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I mentioned her in the baby daddy, baby mama drama thread. But I met her, went straight to her haus, we talked, we laughed, we made out and she even wanted to f**k me but I insisted that we wait until the 2nd date. Though we did the next best thing and sleep together with our clothes off. Now here comes the complicated part: She moved to my town(do not ask me where I live, I won't tell you) from hers which is ~180 miles away to get away from her lying, manipulative ex and start a new life. She told me flat out that she wanted to by my gf and I said hell yes. Now for the complicated part: She told me she wouldn't always be able to offer me stuff like money this morning and I explained that such is not what I want from her. I had to move back into an apartment attached to my folks' house and I'm in the process of finishing a 2nd degree to get a REAL job and not just the book keeping job I have with the family biz. Now last night she said she wanted me to move in but this morning she said she really wants to let things play out for at least a month. I think this is a good idea. I have not told her my living situation and I don't think I'm ready to yet. This is a complicated and difficult matter but I sense a very strong desire on her part and mine to figure it all out. Anyone else here had experience with this? I have never actually had a Live-In relationship before even though I've had past girlfriends so what should I do? What should we do?

"REAL job"?

Why is she in such a hurry for you to move in together? How is she supporting herself financially at the moment? I don't think you should let yourself be rushed into anything you're not ready for.

be wary that she may be a borderline personality disorder if she is rushing things so quick and overly keen on you. Look up some stuff about bpd and think about it. Ive had ;my fingers burnt' by a few bpd people and a big warning sign of them is being overly keen and 'rushing in head long'.

To be honest I thought this too. Don't be too naive wth this girl.

I'd be slow to call it a personality disorder unless you already know that's the case.

A "live-in" situation is just bad. I wouldn't do it. When you don't live together, you have "your stuff" and I have "my stuff." That changes when you move in together. Now it's "our stuff." When things go bad and one of you moves out, that 52-foot LED Jumbotron YOU paid for suddenly grows legs and starts walking. You say it's yours, she says you gave it to her as a gift. Or if you both saved up your pennies and went in together, exactly how do you split it? You can ebay the thing, but now you've only gotten pennies on the dollar for getting your money back. And heaven help you if you agreed to a rent-to-own.

If you get married, that changes everything. When the $#!+ hits the fan, you let a judge decide how to split everything up. But when we get married, what we hope for is that we know the other person well enough and assume we're both good people who won't let life do that to us in the first place. True story: My wife told me she'd considered divorce and bankruptcy at one point. I stomped a mud hole in the bankruptcy idea, told her exactly what I thought about divorce and exactly how easily both our lives would be a living hell if she chose that path. We got married for a reason?let's backtrack a little, work through some things, and come up with a plan to keep going. We've had our moments, married life is NOT easy and NOT for everyone, but we're still best friends and crazy about each other. I don't own anything anymore; WE own everything together. I never see one penny of my paychecks. She gets everything and somehow the lights stay on, fuel stays in the van, and the kids have food and clothes.

I'd recommend keeping a LITTLE distance for a good 6 months. Since there's a baby involved, I'd suggest supporting her at least emotionally until the baby comes, give it maybe another 10 months after that. Take a few turns bottle-feeding and learn to change diapers. You're doing this as a friend, not a romantic interest. The 10 months takes into account a long 4-month transition period after birth plus a 6-month, getting-to-know-you dating period. If you still got it after that much time passes, propose to her. Personally, I recommend a solid year AT LEAST for an engagement, but please no more than 2 years. Plan out your living arrangements, make sure you get along with her parents, her parents get along with yours, both sets of parents get along with each other. Put some $1k in a money market account for an emergency fund for when things get broken, lost, or stolen. Decide how close you want to live with in-laws. Set a date. Get married. THEN move in together.

It sounds to me at first we might have some crazy issues going on. Since she's expecting, I'm going to give her the benefit of a doubt. I have three children, so I know what it's like spending a combined 2 years of my life with a pregnant woman. Maybe she's crazy, maybe she's not. But that's why it's so important to "just date" for up to a year before taking any bigger steps. If she's genuinely certifiable, gtho. Crazy is hard to get rid of, so the sooner the better. From what you've described, she's nuts. Pregnancy does that, so if I were you I'd give her an honest chance. But beyond that, you shouldn't feel guilty if between 4-10 months after birth if you feel the need to walk out.

Now, for the last thing: The temptation is to say it's a bad idea to get involved with a single mother. I'll be honest, if it were me I couldn't do it. I don't do women with kids, and I don't do divorced women. I avoid divorced women for romantic relationships because those women are divorced for a reason. Strictly a personal thing, but in my mind those women made vows and, as far as I'm concerned, still belong to their exes. Also, I view divorce as a symptom, not a problem in and of itself. Marriages fall apart for a reason, and divorce does not solve any problems with maybe the exception of adultery and domestic violence. Someone who has divorced for "irreconcilable differences" has not dealt with the issues that led to the dissolution of the marriage, and I see little hope that 2nd marriages are going to offer any real relief or improvement.

For me, single mothers carry the unfortunate stigma of having a child that isn't mine. I'm not the kind of person who could handle that. So my first instinct is to tell you that getting involved with someone about to have a baby that's not yours is just bad, bad, BAD. But at the same time I do have to acknowledge that 1) women are often manipulated and mistreated with babies being born out of an abusive relationship, and 2) you can't always blame the mother--you need to take circumstances into account to be a fair judge. Just speaking for myself here, I'm not the kind of guy that has the strength to care for some jack4$$'s problem, and it doesn't matter if it's not the girl's fault. If you can step up and be the man her ex lacks the testicular fortitude to be, then you got some mega-Herculean b411z of steel I have no hope of measuring up to.

This all kinda reminds me of a couple of acquaintances of mine. The man is a lawyer. The girl got a little too drunk at a college party. Her baby-daddy really wants nothing to do with the kid. So these two get married and eventually have a child of their own. Time passes. He decides to officially adopt the oldest child as his own. Life is good.

So despite the fact he's got a respectable law practice going, he's not making as good money as some. She decides she's not living the lifestyle she'd hoped for and she'd rather be out partying and sleeping around. Well, I THINK they're divorced now and he's pretty much got primary custody of both kids while she does whatever it is she does. Except he's paying HER child support. WHAT??? She doesn't even see the kids and he's paying her child support? Which goes to show she was just after money the whole time anyway.

So your gf here?I don't even know the girl, so I'm not going to throw out "crazy" accusations, especially when now is such a wild and confusing time for her and she's got a baby on the way, which is a whole kind of insanity on its own. I'd still give it time to see if she really is bonkers before I cut and run. But if you get a good indication she's either lost it or she never had it to lose, you need to make a quick exit. Crazy is crazy hard to get rid of. The sooner the better.

I don't mean to be so negative?I just hate for bad things to happen to people. Whatever you choose to do, be careful. And, either way, best of luck to you!

Is this gf the baby mama or someone else? It's not entirely clear to me from your post.

be real carefull on this one. There was another user who said that he met this girl who within a month moved in with him. She turned out to be violent manipulative and self inflicted wounds which she then reported to the police, blaming him. She was going to use this to sue him for money, but his lawyer found out she was operating under and assumed identity and had filed similar cases under 6 identities a total of 11 times. I'm not sure how much of the story is true or accurately represented but be careful.

Tell her about your current unfortuante financial situation and look/listen carefully how she reacts.

before moving in ..wait a year and live separately. DO IT!. Have time off from each other and stop texting each other through out the day...STOP IT.

When I moved in with my Aspie GF (now ex) she dashed for the cash and cut off sex.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED!

DO NOT SHARE A BANK ACCOUNT

Sounds mean, and untrusting...people change man...in a week, in a day... or hour!

/\This. I still don't think I realize how damaging my undiagnosed BPD ex was. The fact I was able to resist her moving in permanently (she was 50/50 and the end of that 50% I was elated to see her leave) was proof God must exist. Even though I knew deep down it was a bad idea, I was sent a VERY clear sign that if I moved in with her, I might as well chop both my hands off and figured it out just before it was too late. She was RUTHLESS when it came to getting "her" property back to the point I gave her $150 more than she was entitled to just to get her away from me. She was loving, warm, sex obsessed but when her abandonment issues were triggered, WATCH OUT! Her family still thinks I am the Devil himself and get this... I still tried to get back with her.

Never underestimate a Cluster B woman. I was warned a million times but did not listen until it was almost too late. Yes, she even physically assaulted me, damaged my property and had the police show up at my door and I STILL staying with her. You will never understand until you are in that situation! I was blinded to how she seemed to instantly fall in love with me and assumed it must have been destiny rather than her personality disorder.

You cynical bas***d. You have such a massive thing about women potentially stealing your wallet. What happened?

Another caution about BPD. I had an ex who was BPD. It's frightening to be involved with someone like that - he had serious anger issues, depression, alcohol issues, and ultimately (a few years after we were divorced) committed suicide. All of those things are commonly associated with BPD, and it can rob the sanity of the non-BPD partner.

^ How do you spot someone like that? Do they evolve as you get to know them?

Uh...yeah, don't do this, OP. What you have here is not a girlfriend, what you have is a loon with a troubled history and trouble on the way. Disentangle yourself nicely, walk away calmly, then run.

It's more like the longer you know them, the less they bother to put on their "normal" mask. One of the early warning signs (that I unfortunately didn't know about at the time) was that "leaping into relationships and pushing the other person to leap, too." They can be incredibly convincing.

So whenever I hear a story like the OP's, I automatically think "RUN AWAY!! !! !"