Shy Guys Opinions Wanted

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Over the last couple of days I've come to admit that I have a growing crush on a guy. He is the invisible, introverted type that prefers special interests to being social, much like me. I dont know if he is an aspie, but he has very similar characteristics, so I'm not going to explain that further. I have a few close friends there, but I'm afraid to tell any of them that I like him, since he is 'just' your typical quiet nerd. People think he is a bit strange, especially because of his shyness, and I feel like Im the only one who sees how beautiful he is. His looks caught my attention, but now that I'm getting to know him a little better, I'm starting to get seriously attracted to him.

I know being shy is difficult for guys, since there is this whole stigma on 'masculinity', but I think it is the cutest thing in the world. Especially when he blushes. And I should probably also say that we dont go to school, its more of a workplace/school for young people. I just turned 18 and I think he is around 18 as well, possibly older. So, this is where I see him every day, and I know that we will both have to go to different schools after summer, so my time is limited. I have tried to start a work-related conversation, but it quickly fell to the ground, since it was the first time I talked to him. I've also smiled and said 'goodmorning' or 'hi' a couple of times, and he has responded, staring at me, smiling or blushing. we're both part of a group of close-nit friends/colleagues, and when we are both present, we always laugh at the same things and agree with each other on stuff, so thats always good.

The thing is, that when he smiles at me, I cant see if its a 'she is the ugliest piece of sh*t I have ever seen'-smile, a 'damn she is cute'-smile (obviously preferable thank you) or just a common friendly smile. He always smiles widely though, and the blushing could be a good thing. But maybe he blushes at everyone else too. And when I catch him starring at me, which happens 10 times a day, no kidding, I dont know if its the good kind of starring or the bad kind. I know my inability to read facial expressions well is Aspergers, and it is causing me so much confusion that I'm starting to avoid him, and stop saying goodmorning. But he doesnt know, so he probably sees it as just another person who doesnt want his company. But in those brief moments where our eyes meet and we both smile, everything is just glorious, and I feel this thing I could only describe as chemistry. I wouldnt describe myself as shy, just very introverted and not socially up-to-beat. Iv'e only had one boyfriend before, one of my best friends ever. So I want to befriend this guy first before anything else.

I have an urge to just lean in and kiss him, but wouldn't that be too sudden? would that make the chance of a rejection bigger? I wouldn't even like it myself if someone did that, but sometimes actions are a lot easier than words. Interaction over the internet is completely out of the question, as well as dates. He is the type of guy that I could see myself having a really good relationship with, since we are so similar, and it seems that he laughs easily. He is the kind of guy who would avoid the small-talking hell of social events with me. If we could get over this barrier, I honestly think we could be one of the better couples. I always imagined being with an outgoing guy though, so I didnt have to be the initiative-taker, but this very man has made me realise how stupid that thought was. So how do I make him comfortable with me, and also confident that I do like him? Feeling like he is terrified of me does not make me any less afraid.

Hopefully I can put things into perspective for you. I don't mean to talk about myself, I'm just looking to make a point so you can understand. I married my wife when I was 30 and a couple of years into the marriage (not sure this came up), I told her she was, to my knowledge, the only woman who was ever attracted to me. We were in a clothing store at the time and she pointed to a pretty lady a couple of isles down. She said, "Do you see that lady there, she's interested in you and only began to look away when she saw me." She then proceeded to point out other instances where the same thing happened, and how her friends feel she was lucky to have me because I'm handsome. I simply didn't have a clue. I mean seriously, not a clue.

So the point of the story is this. You can say "Hi" to this guy and smile several times a day. You can accidentally rub against his arm and then tell him how strong he is. You can do all of these things, and he might *suspect* you like him, but he wouldn't be sure enough to take the risk. You'd have a better chance of getting a blind guy to assess a crime scene then to expect him to make the first move, assuming he has Asperger's.

If you feel you can survive rejection, I say you make the first move. There's nothing wrong with it, you'll still be a female, I assure you. It doesn't sound like this guy is in a relationship with anybody else. I say this life is too short and you should go for it.

Of course, now that you've been given this fabulous advice which you'll obviously follow to the letter, you'll be obligated to come back here and tell us how things went. Now, if things go awry and you get thrown in jail, I don't want to hear about it.

Seems like a good sign.


Men have a reputation for being shallow, and only interested in looks. Some of that is justified. But I find that once I get to know a woman a bit, my perception of her personality does become the most important part of attraction, and it changes my perception of her looks. If you two agree on a lot of things and laugh at the same things, then it is improbable that he gives you a 'she is the ugliest piece of sh*t I have ever seen'-smile.


Probably yes.


You could observe him talking with others.


It would increase the probability of either panic or freezing up. The only time I got a letter that I recognised as a love letter (the heart-shaped exclamation marks were what tipped me off), I panicked and just didn't respond. At age 14, I didn't know what to do. I regret that because such a letter deserved an honest response, and my total silence must hurt that girl. The first time someone around my own age (21 at the time) hugged me I did freeze up, and when asked why I tried to turn it into a joke that probably didn't work well. I say "probably" because I don't know.

A kiss would have the advantage of clarity. Most of the cases where I think it is possible that a woman tried to flirt with me I don't know, usually because by the time I thought of the possibility it was too late to ask and find out. The delay was anything from a few minutes to years. If you want to allow for that, give him opportunity for a delayed response. You could ask whether he would take part in an experiment. Lean in for a quick kiss, ask whether he thinks that is something you should repeat, and that he should let you know when he has come to a conclusion. The drawback is that if you don't get a response, you don't know whether he doesn't want you, or is too shy. That sort of uncertainty is not nice.


Impossible to tell, because there probably are two factors with opposite effects: being clear avoids him thinking you dislike him (especially since you stooped saying good morning), but it risks panic.

My suggestion is that you do something to find out how he feels about you. I expect if you don't, you will regret the missed opportunity. If you find out that he doesn't like you, or you find out after a while that you are less compatible than you now think, then at least you don't have to wonder about what might have been, and you have more experience that can help you later.

If you know any of his special interests, it would probably be a good idea to ask him a question about them, especially if its something you're interested in. I open up a lot if someone asks me about any one of mine, and a positive exchange of those ideas will help him see you in a (more) positive light. If he's blushing when you two talk and he smiles, its almost surely not a 'she's ugly piece of sh*t' smile, but its hard to tell if its a 'she's cute' smile or a friendly smile. Its best to do your best to see how he responds to other people, if at all. The kiss would be high risk, high reward. It would eliminate all doubt on his part (if he likes you, he probably is wondering if you like him) but might also cause a panic or feel overwhelmed. I asked out a female friend recently (she also has some aspie traits), and it overwhelmed her, and things took a bit to go back to normal, but they did, so be prepared for that if you make your move. Also, if you make your move, make sure you do it one-on-one with him, as to save both of you some embarrassment.

I am the same way minus a wife or someone that points it out. I assume no one finds me attractive.

I once thought this girl at work liked me, she would go out of her way to say hi to me including following me half up some stairs to say hi, just to go back down. she is always nice to me and playful. I thought she was flirting and i love playful personalities. however it is just her being nice. I will place any such actions as just being nice in the future.

if some girl liked me, she would have to come up and tell me directly that she likes me and wants to date. I won't know otherwise.

not sure how i'd react to being suddenly kissed by a woman i know. I might freeze or run away. not good with random touching.

since you want to be friends first maybe try doing things with him you would do with other friends. o.O my best idea. sorry

The work-related question I asked him was also about his special interest, since were so lucky to have an awesome job he is really talented, and I am interested in it, so I might try it again. maybe he just got overwhelmed since we never talked before.

(I dont really think he has aspergers, he is just very shy and introverted, those things doesnt equal AS)

1: Im exactly like that as well, walking around in a glass bubble assuming people dont care about/hates me. thats why im scared. One day, i said hi to a new colleague, and when he responded i felt like he was mocking me. It ruined my day. Then the next day, he suddenly wanted a hug, and stopped me to talk!? I have absolutely no clue about anything.

2: yes, you are so right on this. I will regret this so bad later if i dont do anything soon. Its better to regret things we did, than regretting things we never did. And everybody would be happy to be told theyre hot, right?

Haha dont say sorry, this was nice advice not going to randomly kiss him then. Im thinking about just being completely honest with him, I really cant hold it in anymore. Catch him somewhere we can be alone, and tell him that i find him attractive. I like that word. 'Cute' or 'hot' refers to someones exterior, but attractive lets him know that i want more than friendship, without me actually having to say those words.

Yes, Im going to pressure myself to keep saying goodmorning until I build up courage enough to talk to him properly.

Those are all so good advice, im definately going to tell him.

Sounds like you are going to have to take the initiative. Something like ask if he wants to have lunch or coffee with you after work, or something similar. A neutral public place where you can have some one on one conversation. If he has ASD he might do better in conversation one on one.

If he turns you down you know he is likely uninterested, or just not ready for social meeting like that and still needs maturing. If he accepts it doesn't necessarily mean he's interested, but might just be curious or welcome some social interaction.

There's also the possibility that he'll shut down completely and withdraw.

If you want to get anywhere, it would help if you both share a common interest. Usually if you lock in on another aspie's special interest, they'll usually start talking and sometimes can't stop. But if even doing that doesn't spark this guy, I'd have to say it's a lost cause.

I really think all of this would be too awkward. If we sit together somewhere and there are no other people around, we dont speak. At all. But he keeps sitting there, as im working. Just sits there.

But this got me thinking about something; theres a beggining friday-tradition where people go out and have a beer together. If he feels the same way about me, maybe i could ask him out to join the others.

1: If he shuts down/withdraws/doesnt give a clear answer, i would still be happy to get it off my chest. Truth is nothing to be ashamed of.

2:(Still dont think he is an aspie) but we have the exact same role at work; being the hardworking silent ant-type of person.

If he has ASD, maturity often takes longer. In some things they are fine, but in the social/relationship arena it can take quite a bit of time. These eggs take longer to boil. So a little testing might tell you if he's not quite done, or is up to the challenge. If he proves too immature, then you will know and can move on. Hard to tell the book from its cover.

Nono I mean like if he likes Lego, talk about that. If he likes Star Wars, talk about that. Or Anime. You should usually be able to tell what he's obsessed with by what kind of kitsch he has around his cubicle/office space or his screensaver or background screen image.

I don't think she wants to meet this guy to play with Legos.