The second-date conundrum

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I had a reasonably successful first date yesterday. We had coffee (well I had hot chocolate) and pudding in this establishment that blurs the line between café and restaurant. We parted without discussing doing it again.

Some further information:

- I've known her for a little while, but only became monogamously attracted towards her within the last two months
- Whilst I think she had a reasonable time, conversation stalled a few times and there was no hint of romance (didn't hold hands or anything). I mean, other than "table for two with candles"
- I'm not even positive that she knew I was aiming for "date"

Do I go for #2 pretty soon? Play it by ear and see if she gives me some hints either way (if so what should I look out for)? Accept that I had a good time but it probably isn't going anywhere?

That's great that the date went well.

I think that having dinner together at a table for two with candles on sounds like a proper date.
I think she most likely has picked up on that.

I certainly wouldn't just give up on this.

Try sending her a short message... like a text or an e-mail or PM or something.
Say that you had a lovely time, and ask if she would like to do something else in the future.
Whether it be going to a cinema or some other date choice, or a choice based on something she said... like if she said that she likes art then you could invite her to go and look round a local art gallery together.

I hope it goes well !

This post is good timing. I recently had a first date with a lady I met through eharmony and it was a good first date which resulted in plans for a second.

So, it was a first date, and you are just getting to know each other. While there are first dates which result in romance, and even sex, that isn't not typical. Your experience was pretty typical.

Conversation is going to wane every now and again because you are getting to know each other. This silence might be awkward or might not be. Going forward, expect this to happen, and treat it like it's perfectly natural (because it is).

Now for some advice based on recent experience. I'd recommend you try to secure a second date right away. Make up some plans on where to go for a second date, etc. I prefer to use text message and this would be an ideal example of a message to send:

"I had a lot of fun yesterday and enjoyed spending time with you. If interested, I'd like to plan to meet again."

If she responds with yes, go ahead and provide her with your idea of a plan and see if she agrees with it. Example:

"I've found this great restaurant "blah blah blah" and it has a good reputation. Does that sound interesting? If so, would Friday at 8 PM work for you?"

If she responds back with yes, play it cool and then don't text her again (I learned this the hard way):

"Great! I'm looking forward to seeing you again and getting to know you more!"

Now you have your second date secured barring something unexpected, and you are good to go.

I'm looking forward to a second date in a week, and will be reading some dating books and getting some ideas of conversation pieces. That will only get you so far though, you have to be able to carry a conversation wherever it goes. If you get your second date and there's silences, fill it with drinking water, or whatever, and treat it as natural.

Thanks for the advice guys. This in particular strikes me as perfect advice:

.... I didn't quite follow it. Asked her to a free gig on Wednesday. She "has friends around". Oh well.

Of course, this raises the issue of whether she is trying to gently blow me off or she is interested but genuinely does have friends round. The former seems far more likely. On the off chance that it is the latter, am I right in saying the onus is on her to make that clear (for example, by suggesting another time)?

The advantage of BG's format is that it removes any ambiguity. But then it was probably bolder than I was prepared to be.