Ladies: when does a guy get too emotional for you?

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Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 7:29 am

This question is for all the ladies out there. When does a guy get too emotional for you? Women always tell me that they want a kind, thoughtful, romantic and sensitive boyfriend but a lot of the ones I've met also don't seem to want to have to deal with the guy's emotions. Previous girlfriends have always seemed to enjoy the attention, affection and romance I bestow upon them but distance themselves from me when I start showing my true emotions, like my anxiety and depression. So basically they don't really like sensitivity, only romance and strong men. What I'm asking is, when should I draw the line and start hiding my emotions so my next girlfriend will actually stay with me?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Jul 2014, 7:33 am

^ You have answered your own question.



Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 7:34 am

Yeah... no. Serious answers please?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Jul 2014, 7:52 am

I was extremely serious.

Read your post again.



Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 8:01 am

It doesn't answer my question though. I said that they don't like emotion in guys, but asked at what point does a guy get too emotional. I'm thinking of it as something of a sliding scale. Also, I wanted some female perspective on this instead of just my own experiences


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Cafeaulait
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11 Jul 2014, 8:03 am

I don't mind when a guy shows his emotions, but I don't like overly emotional or insecure men either.
I once knew a guy that cried for 30 minutes when his country lost at the Soccer World Cup. That's just weird to me, really (although I wouldn't be immediately turned off by that).
My ex and I were making out one time and I told him that he was going to soft, but then he went way to hard so I said: "you're really doing it too hard now". And then he started crying because he though it was mean of me and that it made him insecure. I totally turned me off and I never want to date a dramaguy like that again.

I really don't mind an emotional man, but not someone that cries with me everyday over his depressive complaints or how his life sucks so bad. Off course it would be different if the crying was caused by something accute like the death of a loved one or something that.



kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2014, 8:11 am

I wouldn't cry my eyes out when I'm with my lady--unless my mother died or something.

I would be passionate about what I believe in.

I would discuss my emotions in a matter-of-fact way--if I feel like discussing my emotions at all.

Convey, through your actions, that you don't want a mommy--you want an equal partner.



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11 Jul 2014, 8:14 am

Why aren't men allowed to be insecure though? Why are women allowed to be deeply insecure but men have to be confident all the time? Do women actually realise how exhausting it is to fake confidence all the time?

It seems to me women want a man to act all the time instead of loving them for who they are. If you're not Mr Confidence (or is arrogance preferable? It certainly seems to attract a lot of women) you're pretty much up s**t creek without a paddle


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kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2014, 8:26 am

A quiet confidence is preferable. No person, man or woman, should always be upset at something. They have to live in the world. They have to be able to 'suck it up" at times.

Arrogance sucks. If a woman wants me to be arrogant, I run far, far away from her!

Women want a man to be strong in certain ways. They want a man who knows how to act in an emergency.



Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 8:33 am

Maybe I'm just going for the wrong type of girls. Most of them have been deeply insecure themselves and got a little blinded to others' insecurities. Well, just gotta suck it up and bury my insecurities deep down where they can fester, I suppose. Gotta love society's rules.

Arrogance does indeed suck. But some of the most arrogant, appalling men I know can seduce a woman in the blink of an eye. I've always found that weird


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kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2014, 8:42 am

I'm not saying you should hide your emotions. I'm saying they must be expressed somewhat less dramatically than a woman's emotions--probably without crying, unless something really bad happened. I would say I feel this or that in a cool, composed way--but I would say that I feel this or that.

Women do get turned off by overly-emotive guys.



Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 8:47 am

I know, I just meant hiding my insecurities. I very rarely cry but I can get worked up into a bit of a frenzy sometimes. I imagine that's probably a big turn-off, come to think of it


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Cafeaulait
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11 Jul 2014, 9:13 am

Laddo wrote:
Why aren't men allowed to be insecure though? Why are women allowed to be deeply insecure but men have to be confident all the time? Do women actually realise how exhausting it is to fake confidence all the time?

It seems to me women want a man to act all the time instead of loving them for who they are. If you're not Mr Confidence (or is arrogance preferable? It certainly seems to attract a lot of women) you're pretty much up sh** creek without a paddle


That's nonsense. No one wants a crybaby with a victim-mentality for a partner, neither men nor women. At least not in the emancipated Northern Europe. Insecure bipolar or borderline women generally drive men mad. Everyone has to do consessions in a relationship to be a good partner, male or female.



Cafeaulait
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11 Jul 2014, 9:22 am

Laddo wrote:
I know, I just meant hiding my insecurities. I very rarely cry but I can get worked up into a bit of a frenzy sometimes. I imagine that's probably a big turn-off, come to think of it


What do you mean by that? I really all depends what causes the crying.
I once had a crush on a guy (he is 25) who seems very sensitive and I saw him getting teary eyed sometimes when he spoke about certain societal issues that he really cared for.
I actually thought that was really cute because I could relate to him so much. But despite his passion/temperament he was not a cry baby and a really responsible, reasonably confident, optimistic guy. And that's when it's not aturn off to me.



kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2014, 9:25 am

It's the overall attitude of the guy.



Laddo
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11 Jul 2014, 9:34 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Laddo wrote:
I know, I just meant hiding my insecurities. I very rarely cry but I can get worked up into a bit of a frenzy sometimes. I imagine that's probably a big turn-off, come to think of it


What do you mean by that? I really all depends what causes the crying.
I once had a crush on a guy (he is 25) who seems very sensitive and I saw him getting teary eyed sometimes when he spoke about certain societal issues that he really cared for.
I actually thought that was really cute because I could relate to him so much. But despite his passion/temperament he was not a cry baby and a really responsible, reasonably confident, optimistic guy. And that's when it's not aturn off to me.


By worked up into a frenzy I mean go on a bit of a rant. I know it's a fairly typical Aspie thing but it still seems to be seen as negative, even by Aspie women


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