So I have this awkward situation where I have unrequited feelings for someone else. For the most part, I accept that they don't feel the same way and I'm moving on, but there's still a part of me that doesn't want to let go no matter how pointless pursuing this person is. I know that's a normal part of "the process" and I'm not going to whinge too much about it. But what annoys me is that I feel like the situation has opened Pandora's box for me.
Prior to this, I was never interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. I (rightly) believed that it took way too much effort and emotional strain than it was worth. I always thought the idea of romance was nauseating and gross - a complete waste of time and a distraction from my life goals. To this day, I still don't want to be romantically involved with anyone. Some folk suggest that those who experience unrequited love should try and move on and find someone else, but I just find the whole idea to be a waste of time. Even if the object of my desire did return the feelings, I still wouldn't want to be in a relationship because I like being single. But simultaneously, I would want to pursue the relationship because these feelings are too strong and maybe I do like the idea of having that level of emotional intimacy with someone.
I don't want to move on from this person. I want to move on from romantic love all together. I want to wake up in the morning and go "well that was dumb - why did I want to do that?" and just go about my day. But now that I have felt this way, I now know there's a part of me that does want to love and be loved in that way. That part of me doesn't want to move on from him, but the rest of me doesn't want anyone. I want that little part of me to just die because it's going to ruin my friendship with him.
Is there a way to turn this off? I'm not really the touchy feely type and I honestly find all this gushing over someone to be really gross.
16 Jul 2014, 5:15 am
