Learning nonverbal cues and body language

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I just watched a few videos and thought you guys might find them helpful. They made me realize I've been doing a lot of things horribly wrong and I've been sending out mixed/negative signals when I don't mean to. Apparently I've been completely oblivious to the very important nonverbal component of social interaction. FML.

Things I learned:
-I need to stop putting my hands in my pockets or crossing my arms. Going to try to just never do this under any circumstances from now on - hands on hips or at sides.

-I really need to not immediately avert my gaze when somebody I like looks at me: make eye contact, smile! For some ridiculous, stupid reason, I've always had a tendency to look down when someone I have a crush on makes eye contact with me. This is horrendous, as this gesture of looking away communicates that you are not interested in the person. So basically I've been shooting myself in the foot - very frustrating, but at least now I know.

-I could use a lot more eye contact than I do. It's actually pretty amazing what quantity of eye contact is socially acceptable. I guess the amount of eye contact you make basically expresses how interested you are in the person. I'm going to try to emulate the type of eye contact the other person is making - if they're locking eyes, I'll do the same if I'm interested in them. Again I've been shooting myself in the foot by not making enough eye contact, which communicates disinterest.

-When sitting, it's good to lean towards the person a little bit to appear engaged. Assume neutral/open position (don't cross arms/hands in pockets!). Don't lean back in your chair, cross your legs, etc.

-I should stand and sit up straighter - I tend to slouch a lot.

-Using palm-up type gestures is best, and makes you seem easy-going and relaxed.

-It's super important to appear relaxed and natural (easier said than done). This one will require a lot of work for me. I tend to do lots of random nervous gestures like adjusting my glasses, reaching for things in my pockets, etc. I'll try to stop this behavior.

This is a really informative and entertaining video that goes into depth about a lot of things:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYis1uzIGjE

And after learning the basics in the above video, I learned a lot by studying this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKFo0i1fItw


I was also studying some episodes of the old TV show "Blind Date". They are pretty entertaining but not as useful.

Does anybody know of videos that show a complete date in a hidden camera type of format, from beginning to end? I would really like to see how the conversation flows over the course of the date, and not just see the highlights.

That is something that I would love to see as well. I think that part of my problem with all of this dating and romantic stuff is just that it's something everyone does in private and doesn't really talk about, so I have no clue how most people act or behave on dates. I learned most of my other social skills by basically watching what other people do and learning to emulate them to an extent, but with dating you can't really do that.

I remember that smiling has a tendency to correct any issue I really ever had in the body language department. Things seemed to flow naturally from there and I never had to pay attention to my body language. I would think group gatherings would be where I need to find more effort in smiling.

People put a lot more stock in body language than they should from what I have seen. All you need to do is pay a little bit of attention and look for consistency in someone else's body language as well.

You need to make eye contact and appear natural/relaxed as well, though. You can't just stand there smiling to yourself or you'll look like an idiot.

I think it would have to be hidden! Even the people who are good at these things tend to do them subconsciously - try asking them.

These stuff are only important for the HR cult (it's like rituals for them) and you find it extensively in the silly Sales literature too, this is not what would make one chronically single, un-datable or unattractive. It's not like a girl wouldn't date you because you don't do or do some normal set of body and eye motions, like crossing hands or putting them in pockets or not leaning while sitting. Maybe the looking down can give the impression of lack in confidence, yes, other than that, all else are overrated.

I've seen guys who do all these sorts of no-dos and they are married and fine.

Chronic nonvoluntary celibacy is either due to a very simple reason like ugly looks, extreme weight, extreme shortness, handicap or to a deeper reason ie. f****d up personality, or due to being extremely extremely picky with unrealistic set of standards (ie. like many single women on dating sites, you go off for years and you go back only to find these same women are still there active and online) or having extreme shortcomings ie. no job for long, living with parents..etc, like many guys on dating sites too.

Doing or not doing some body moves is not one of them. Body language is overrated by HR and Sales; in fact these tricks are no longer working in the sales world.

Have you seen this show: Gok's Style Secrets. It's directed at women, but I found it interesting from the perspective of engaging other people in conversation and being positive when dating someone. The problem these women seemed to have was that they were kind of negative when they were talking to someone. They just weren't very friendly or open. It's not so much about body language, but more about verbal interaction and obviously fashion because it's a fashion show. I've got to say though, he dresses these women in some pretty awful outfits. Yuck Gok! Just Yuck.

Video here

This is a British show, so not sure if this link will work for you.