Anyone decided you can't trust your AS dating instincts?

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I know, "What dating instincts?", which is exactly my point. I am off so much of the time in my perceptions in the dating realm, that most of the time, now, I've simply decided I cannot trust my perceptions at all. And deciding not to trust them always seems like the most logical conclusion! When a woman smiles at me, I don't know what it means, etc., etc. Most NT men don't even know, so there you go, I don't have much chance.

But that's the form that my giving up on dating has taken, the simple "I can never know what's going on".

I'm considering just telling every woman I meet that I have no idea what she is saying unlesss she says it overtly, because, really, that's the case, and sometimes even if I were told some things overtly I would be VERY hesitant to believe them <beaten dog reaction? to recoil when someone tries to pet me>

Yeah, it's a minefield.

On the plus side, you'll be wasting far less energy now. I used to run myself into the ground trying to understand people, and it never did any good. So now I don't bother - the end result is exactly the same but I feel far less stressed and emotionally drained. Plus if anyone does try to converse with me, at least they'll find me in a good mood!

Interpersonal skills sometimes require more apathy than input, and I suspect that people with AS often put in TOO MUCH effort and this is where some of the problems lie.

I agree with Sociable Hermit. I think I put 10 times more effort into socializing. That is trying to do the right thing, say the right thing and it still comes out wrong apparently. I thought as an Aspie I was doing fairly well with some of my social skills. Then my dr pointed out she can see right through me and that I'm a big fake. Except she said I have no emotions and don't care about others. And that's not true. It does take more to earn my love, but there are people I love so much it hurts that will probably never know how I feel because its not really appropriate to tell them. There are people I would die for and if that's not love I don't know what is.

Ragtime I just gotta say its freaking me out that you look like my next door neighbor, except for I'm not in Texas. I'm assuming your avatar is a picture of you. Course my neighbor dresses differently. He's kinda weird because he wears a tank top, mesh shorts and flip flops outside in the snow. I asked him about that and he said he doesn't feel the cold. Maybe he's Aspie I dunno.

What very insightful posts!

I agree on pretty much all points raised; disagreeing on no particular one.


Good luck fellows,

Brendan