Can you have some choice on who you date?

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I don't mean personality in this context here. Let's say I wanted to find a natural redhead (under 1% as a very small fraction of women in the population), I don't have any choice but to settle for something else, do I? I have a strong desire to find a woman with natural blonde curly locks and blue eyes, and my image of physical heavenly perfection, and I don't want to get too involved. but that's what she'd generally look like. I get this very warm and excited feeling when I think about this girl I knew once who matched this image pretty well. So how do I find this exotically beautiful look, or is it just fate? It's such a warm, fuzzy desire that I hope it comes in my lifetime or I would be quite upset. Natural blonde in adult women is a pretty small fraction too.
I am afraid what's beginning to happen is that they both will disappear because of ethnicities mixing genes and stuff.
Please don't derail or call me shallow, I know personality is important too, but I can't imagine wanting to date someone I'm physically unattracted too, let alone this ideal. And personality is too broad for me to discuss right now.

When you like someone's personality, that person becomes more attractive to you.

If you meet the right person, appearance becomes much less important.

The right person will not strike you in the eyes, but in the heart.

Then wait for the girl with these very specific looks to come along, and hope that you meet *her* specific looks requirements.

And, if you don't yourself have curly blond hair and blue eyes, don't plan to have any children, or *you* would be the one diluting the gene pool.

Or, do what most everyone else does, and find a person you get along with really well, regardless of what she looks like.

I'm mostly attracted to girls with sharp minds, it takes me too long learning to trust people to dictate any one "look" I prefer; the girls who've looked my way routinely have different appearances they're trying out and I find it's best to affirm people's choices and seek to understand why they made them; if I were to compromise in this ideal, I would probably let them decide on a better aesthetic for me!

This is only a problem for you because you are apparently inexperienced in and out of bed with women. Once you realize all the different physical types of women that can really do it for you this won't be a problem. I was much like yourself, thinking that for whatever reason I wasn't attracted to black women.

Of course I knew black women who had great personalities, but then I dated one and trust me if a woman is at least healthy (like not obese) you probably won't have any trouble being physically attracted once things really get going in the sack. Try and be open minded and I'm sure you might come around, that blondes and redheads aren't "physical perfection". Not to mention that you can actually do different things in bed with women of different ethnicity. Women from African and Latin heritage tend to have bigger hips and backsides, and not to get too explicit outside of the adult forum but there are things you can do with them that you can't do with women who have another body type, and vice versa. It's all different and all good, thinking as if only one type can be attractive is merely thinking too idealistically, comparing people to some imaginary idea that isn't a person, and when people mature romantically they come to appreciate the real thing as opposed to the imaginary romantic ideas of youth. You're thinking in terms of "this is ideal, almost necessary to me eventually" when you may well have no idea what it's like to get swept up emotionally with someone, your ideal could very well get thrown out the window because the best kind of romance has much more to do with emotion than with simple lust.

Jep, there's another obsessed one. I remember a forum member from like a year ago, totally obsessed with African woman. Also describing them as heavenly beauties, perfection blabla, he absolutely NEEDED an African woman and was obsessed with getting one.

These men, litterally obsessed with a certain look, creep me out. To me it signals emotional immaturity, infantility. I keep them at a far distance.

Possibly, but not very helpful. You can set whatever criteria you want in a mate, to include looks/personality. I like pointing out that personality is just as superficial as physical beauty and often a cover for abusers. If we're being honest we all, men and women, are immature and insecure in different areas, and fixations on looks/personality types happens to be an area that is more visible to others. Aspies won't have the presence of mind to keep these kinds of things under wraps.

If looks matter, you aren't going to be all that concerned with how someone acts. I'm concerned with body type because of a bad experience with someone with "a great personality," which over time developed into an association of personality linked to body type. Redheads are unusual, so we tend to look for certain behavioral qualities in them, giving rise to confirmation bias when all we see is what we want to see. I briefly dated a redhead once, and I got the sense that she was more playing a part influenced by what men expect redheads to be like. She was actually really nice, but it was getting to know her over time to find the girl who DIDN'T want to just be a sex object, i.e. there was more to her than the fiery sex kitten nympho.

I think it's ok to be fixated on either or both. I just think you do better balancing the two in the initial impression, and in the long term get to know someone well enough to know if their faults are something you can live with or ignore. I'll take judging character over looks and personality any day.

A rather strange fixation, I've been with half and half, blonde women and dark haired women..

Currently dating a blonde woman with blue eyes, at the end of the day, there's no point in limiting yourself but you do need to find the person attractive. Although I've never dated a redhead, I don't find redheads or black girls attractive although I'm sure someone out there does and there are many men who would go for that, we're all entitled to a preference. Long blonde hair, tall and skinny is what I like most and my current definitely ticks all those boxes so it would be hard to find a short black or an overweight Asian to be attractive but I'm sure there are many men who would.

Suppose you found one of these women, you hit it off, and discovered later she dyes her hair and wasn't natural? Would you be less attracted to her?

In any event, to increase your chances of getting a girl like what you want, you have to increase your overall attractiveness. If you're young (in your 20's) then this may be as simple as becoming more physically fit with exercise and diet, and practicing basic conversation skills with a willing partner. As you and your potential mate get older, it gets more complicated.

So your criteria is:
Blonde hair, blue eyes, Eugenics advocate.

Have you tried a "white power" rally yet? That would probably be your best bet.

Everyone has their preference, besides I already have

That's my preference, I am told that I look Mediterranean so I don't think that would be the best idea, I just tend to go for the opposite of myself which is blonde hair and blue eyes. As they say, opposites attract and I think that is true in nature.

I don't, because otherwise you be seeing interracial couples all over the place. Opposites in most cases do not attract.

What is your point with this? I don't really care about your description of preferences. His fixation with African women was certainly strange, but not any stranger than OP's fixation with blonde blue eyed curly women.

Last edited by Cafeaulait on 27 Aug 2014, 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That it's fine to have preferences because you need to be attracted to the person.

Sure, but I will never understand the obsession and utter fixation with a certain haircolour or skintone or whatever in that attraction. Perhaps it's because I'm mixed race. I flat out reject men that are attracted exclusively to mixed race females. Never met one that was emotionally mature or free of stereotypes. Lukecash describes it excellently for me.

Last edited by Cafeaulait on 27 Aug 2014, 1:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I DO think a fixation with looks is more superficial than a fixation with a certain character or personality. When I was 16 I was so pathetic and insecure. I totally convinced myself that I could only be attracted to dark haired and tan very tall men. And I thought I was very mature for my age. Boy, was I stupid. Over the years I learnt to set myself open to other people, especially guys. Insteas of checking boxes in my head every time I met a guy, I tried to get to know them for real. And then I realized this ideal ook that I created in my mind has nothing to do with attraction. I was able to be attracted to many kinds of people when I got rid of my supercial rigid way of thinking.

Damn, I was stupid. I can just laugh at myself. I was like Elliot Rodger except my fixation was tall dark haired men, instead of blonde blue eyed women. So, I don't feel sorry for Kelly.K at all. In fact he reminds me so much of my past self, I think it's a rather whiny rant.