What is a relationship like?

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Hi i would like to as those who were in relationship or had experience with relationships, how as it like?

What were the most difficult parts of the relationship?

How did you meet your partner?

Did your relationship last?

Did it have positive/negative effect on your life?

Did you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?

Did you get along wit your partner?

Sorry if some of these questions are offensive to anyone or if they are rude. I am just very curious because i am an aromatic asexual so i won't be able to experience relationships, so i would like to hear your thoughts (if that is fine with you guys/gals).

Hell hath no Fury like a woman.

Must've been tough i guess.

For my past relationships: I was in love with a girl and later on I was in a distance relationship with a boy.

What were the most difficult parts of the relationship?
Girl - Getting her to know how I feel.
Boy - Constant misunderstandings.

How did you meet your partner?
Girl - She sat next to me on the first day of school. We were friends for 3 years before I got in love with her.
Boy - An online MMOrpg.

Did your relationship last?
Girl - It didn't even start, I was in love for 5 years before I told her how I feel and she dumped me. But we are still friends.
Boy - We were together a few months. But I was tired of his moods so I dumped him. I haven't talked to him since then although he tried to contact me.

Did it have positive/negative effect on your life?
They gave me some life experience. I realized I am capable of love and got encouraged to discover this field in the future.

Did you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?
It was fun while it lasted in both cases (even my relationship with the girl was fun - she didn't know how I feel but since she was my friend I was often "dating" her, we are just friends right now and it isn't as fun as it was then, it was like hunting or spying or something like that). It was a positive feeling, the same as I get while learning about a special interest.
But I also experienced some great sadness in the relationship with boy, aside from the fun. I was unintentionally hurting him a lot and I often was feeling guilty and misunderstood.

Did you get along wit your partner?
Girl - She had no clue how I feel but we got along very well. We had a lot of fun.
Boy - Not really. We were able to have fun together but we could never understand each other and we were often arguing.

Interesting. Thank you for your input Kiriae it was very interesting and nice to hear your expierence!

If this counts for current relationships, I can post here because I am currently in my first real relation

What are the most difficult parts of the relationship?
The hardest part of a relationship for me is knowing whether I am putting enough effort into the relationship. I always feel like my boyfriend is the more romantic one, and I've never been a very romantic person to begin with. I hated anything about romance when I was an adolescent. I make sure that him and I switch off when it comes to paying for dates though. Ultimately, I feel as if he is more invested in the relationship than I am.

How did you meet your partner?
I met him through a student group at me University. We met at a dance event that the said student group was holding.

Did your relationship last?
This is my first real relationship, but it has lasted 6 months. I have no idea how long it will last though because I can't predict the future.

Does it have positive/negative effect on your life?
I'd day it has been a positive experience. He is a sweet guy and he compliments me all the time. He's also always there if I'm stressed. It's nice to know that someone cares after going through a lot of issues with depression in middle/high school.

Do you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?
Yes, mostly for the same reason as in my previous answer. I like the physical aspects as well. Especially cuddling. XD

Do you get along wit your partner?
Yes, we tease each other a lot, but we have never had a real fight (unless our persistent PC vs Mac computer debate counts).

Thank you! And congratulations, glad to know its going well for you!

What were the most difficult parts of the relationship?
Being able to compromise and meet each others expectations. For example: I wanted to see my boyfriends ideally twice or thrice a week but my boyfriends were so busy that they could only see me once every two weeks. We compromised to once a week.

How did you meet your partner?
First one was in high school. I was 15 he was an intern/teacher and quite a few years older.
Second one on tinder, and that was not really a relationship.

Did your relationship last?
No. Neither.

Did it have positive/negative effect on your life?
Both. It was exiting and made me feel loved and desired and being able to share my stories with another person relaxed me a lot and made me happier at times.
However, both of my exes were not what I was looking for. It caused me a lot of frustration when my needs were not met. I dated the wrong people.

Did you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?
Yes.

Did you get along wit your partner?
Off course.

I am glad that you at least felt better and was able to experience the relationships positively and glad that you learned new things from that.

I have been with my fiance for four years now. He has two children and an ex-wife.
What were the most difficult parts of the relationship?
(Still) the ex-wife and children. We all had to learn how to get along together. I am still trying to get him to set boundaries with the ex... I have no mothering bones in my body so my relationship with the children still is not the best one. I would say the hardest part for him was me getting used to being a (step)mother to the children.

How did you meet your partner?
We lived down the street from each other when we were growing up and hit it off when we were in our 20's.

Did your relationship last?
Yes.. we have had many ups and downs though... like any normal relationship/ living together.

Did it have positive/negative effect on your life?
Both. I have become more elitist because he is. However, I have really grown up a lot (which is probably normal for being in a long-term relationship)

Did you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?
I feel satisfaction that I have a long term partner (someone who is my other half) and that I don't really have to go through things by myself (although with his constant invalidation, sometimes it seems like I do. That's something we have to work on)

Did you get along with your partner?
Yes, otherwise I don't think we would have made it past the honeymoon (first year and a half) stage

Which one? They've gone very interestingly. I'll go ahead and post some of the more notable ones. These are not in chronological order.


What were the most difficult parts of the relationship?
Person A: She wasn't too fond of the idea of an official relationship with me, on account of her father being fairly selective. But her father did like me being her friend. Respectful, friendly, polite, etc. Plus, she had a habit of texting guys who very visibly liked her during dates.

Person B: Interest waned very, very quickly.

Person C: Initial commitment issues. The real relationship didn't start up until a while in, when she finally decided that she wanted it, and that she wanted to make us both as happy as possible.

Person D: The entire thing. Manipulative self harm, etc.

How did you meet your partner?
Person A: High school. I'd been dumped the week before prom, and she tried to cheer me up. Not too much longer, we ended up flirting a LOT.

Person B: Met in high school, never talked. Ran into eachother on a dating site and thought "Eh, what the hell, why not?"

Person C: Met on a gaming community of mine. We'd both been targeted by a predator, and we started talking because of that. She was a lot better off, emotionally, than I was after that - I was completely torn apart by that experience. She and a few other people supported me, and we started getting closer very quickly.

Person D: Online forum, regarding music, etc.

Did your relationship last?
Person A: 6 months or so. Not very long.

Person B: Three months tops.

Person C: Been a couple weeks since it officially started. I want to say it's been about two months total, though, if you include the weird pseudo-relationship period.

Person D: 5 months of pain.

Did it have positive/negative effect on your life?
Person A: Neutral. It was fun while it lasted, despite her commitment issues, and I learned what to be wary of.

Person B: Another personality to stay away from.

Person C: No telling. It appears to be totally positive so far, though. It's helping to keep my anxiety under control.

Person D: Very negative at the time. Never, EVER dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder again.

Did you feel any satisfaction or pleasure from your relationship?
Person A: First person I ever messed around with sexually, and near constantly making out in public was certainly fun.

Person B: Physically, quite a bit while it lasted. Emotionally... No.

Person C: A lot.

Person D: Mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, when it was good, it was good. But it was usually bad.

Did you get along with your partner?
Person A: Very much so. Our problems were her commitment difficulties and the fact that she wanted me to be very, very submissive (which I'm not).

Person B: No. She was a Tumblr addict to the core. Hated almost everything, took interest in nothing but Team Fortress 2, Tumblr, and drawing porn.

Person C: Very, very well. We understand one another and respect eachothers' needs and decisions. We offer eachother advice and opinions, but don't try to force things on eachother. Ever.

Person D: Only when she was stable, which was rare.

@nyxjord Your commitment to your relationship is honestly very amazing and i am glad that its working out for you.

@Azereiah I am sorry that you had to go to through some very bad experiences but glad that at least you had some positive experiences and glad that your relationship is working out with person C.

Tiring

Her violent mood swings and erratic behavior. I later learned she is likely undiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She had incredible abandonment issues and even got physically and sexually violent towards the end. My brother met her and when I asked what he thought he just said one word. RUN. I should have listened. When I broke up with her I hid my car and checked my locks and sure enough, she went crazy when I first tried to break up. The second time I did it over email and of course *I* am the bad guy in her families eye


She contacted me on OKCupid. I suggested meeting at an event we had a common interest in.


I lasted for 18 months. After about 4 months, my family first suggested getting rid of her and I held out hope that she would change. It never lasted. I finally reached the point where I was in a relationship in name only.


It had both positive and negative effects. I lost my virginity, learned to please a woman (not just sexually), had some fun times and trips and learned a lot about what a successful relationship entails. The negatives were downright horrific though. In my current state (dating) 8 months later I am suffering severe panic and anxiety attacks and I doubt they would be happening if not for her. There were nights late in the relationship I would shake uncontrollably and developed depression. If I had to get her pregnant or married her, I might have ended up suicidal.


It obviously wasn't all bad. She was amazing in the bedroom and really did have a kind heart in spite of her many serious issues. What I found so frustrating was that every day we would feel satisfied and I would go to bed with a big smile on my face she would almost go out of her way to sabotage things like she was addicted to conflict and drama.


At first yes, in later stages I could not have one conversation without exploding into cursing and yelling at her and I am a very mild mannered person. I only lived with her 3-4 days a week and I was EXHAUSTED and relieved when I was finally able to convince her to leave. I even did couples counselling with her and once the counsellor focused on her she refused to return until I broke up with her.

I have a low sex drive but I would be lying if I said I didn't crave intimacy with a (normal) woman.

I am not entirely sure if what I have counts, but i will add my data, and if it doesn't, you can ignore it.

What were the most difficult parts?
Probably understanding. Sounds wierd, but it is true. We both have some....difficulties communicating that are hard to wotk through. Neither of us really understood why we talked, for a while, but our friends did.

How did you meet your partner?
I met her in highschool. Band. Didn't even ever say hi to her in two years, though.

Did your relationship last?
I am not sure. It has been a long time since whatever we have started, probably a couple years.

Did it have positive/negative effects on your life?
Both. She gives me a good reason to get out of bed in the morning and try. But also gives me sadness because I know it can't last forever.

Did you feel any satisfaction/pleasure from the relationship?
We've never done anything...physical. But getting to see her smile and hear her laugh everday as we walk together...I think it counts.

Did you get along with your partner?
Yes. We never fight or yell or anything like that. We're both a bit...out there, with personal problems. But we help eachother in little ways.

Sorry. That was a bit long and too detailed.

It sounds like you're interested in learning about relationships... Do you think it's possible you'll change your mind at some point and want to explore being in one yourself?

It can be nice to have someone to keep you company. There can be a lot of baggage that goes along with a relationship, but there are people out there who are low-drama and easy to live with.

I sincerely hope that I'm not offending you! I guess choosing not to have romantic relationships throughout your life is a bit like choosing not to have kids: Most people want kids, most parents want their kids to have kids, and society expects people to have kids. But not everyone wants kids, and for a variety of reasons (prefer a peaceful lifestyle, don't want the responsibility, etc.). Have you thought about what repels you about romantic relationships?

To answer some of your questions:
I think the hardest things about a relationship are compromise and caring for the other person even when you disagree with them. I've been with my husband for five years; we're still together. We argue a lot. It can be very rough, but when it's good it's great. We have something very deep and unique for one another, that neither has ever felt for anyone else. It's irreplaceable. We both get great happiness from the relationship, but also sorrow and despair. We're working on making things smoother and becoming more gentle to one another. We're getting there, though we do have a long way to go.

An amazing book on relationships is Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. He claims the book is not only helpful for couples, but also people considering being in a relationship, as well as people considering having children or who already have children. The book is about understanding yourself and your needs, as well as those of your partner, and learning to fulfill those needs. There's workbook exercises as well, which are essential. I found the book on a review site, listed as the #1 book on relationships. I completely agree!