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CodeGrey
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11 Aug 2014, 10:38 pm

This is a question for Aspie men. Do you feel an emotional connection to a woman that you say you love and are physically intimate with? I am asking this because I am trying to make sense of my undiagnosed Aspie boyfriends distance from me. When he's with me he's present and very loving; yet is content to go weeks without seeing me. When I ask when we will see each other again he will say 'soon honey'. Is it an out-of-sight out-of -mind thing? He says he loves being with me and that I'm awesome? Please help me understand where Aspie men are coming from in this matter. Thanks!



auntblabby
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11 Aug 2014, 11:03 pm

I do, but I am somewhat of an anomaly. when I was your BF's age I was totally the opposite of him, IOW very clingy, whereas now I am closer to his present behavioral state. wish I could tell you if it was just simple habit on his part, or something deeper.



CodeGrey
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11 Aug 2014, 11:08 pm

He's 45.



auntblabby
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11 Aug 2014, 11:11 pm

reverse the digits and you get my age, plus or minus a few months.



sly279
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12 Aug 2014, 2:28 am

I do get a emotional connection. I wonder though would you prefer him to contact you daily? most women call this clingy. I plan to try to go as long as possible without talking to a gf I get, seems better then the clingly name calling for showing love.

I can't really stand more then 5 days without talking to the one I love, its something I have to work on getting longer.



kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2014, 5:47 am

I'm not saying one should want to be around someone else "24/7"--but I would think that the person I love would want to see me at least once per day.

This every-two-week thing doesn't do it for me as far as "love" is concerned.

I'm glad the guy's a good lover.



Azereiah
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12 Aug 2014, 6:25 am

As an aspie, I can't really identify with this problem.

Unless otherwise informed, I really prefer keeping in contact with my girlfriend on a daily basis. Talking constantly isn't mandatory, but I do at least want to know that she's safe.



CodeGrey
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12 Aug 2014, 6:59 am

I do prefer daily communication. My bf will only text (Aspie thing?). I've noticed many hate phones. We have almost daily communication. My problem is wondering how he can claim to 'love' me at such a distance? Perhaps it's something different in his mind?



kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2014, 8:54 am

To tell you the truth, I have strong feelings for people whom I haven't seen in years--weird, huh? LOL

When I do contact somebody whom I haven't seen in years, it seems like old times.

However, in a monogamous relationship, there has to be frequent contact. One partner has to rely on the other partner in time of need. I believe strongly in the "lovers-as-friends" concept.



aspiemike
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12 Aug 2014, 9:54 am

sly279 wrote:
I do get a emotional connection. I wonder though would you prefer him to contact you daily? most women call this clingy. I plan to try to go as long as possible without talking to a gf I get, seems better then the clingly name calling for showing love.

I can't really stand more then 5 days without talking to the one I love, its something I have to work on getting longer.


This may be fine for casual dating and booty calls. Its a bad idea for serious relationships.

As for other people here, am I the only one that hates text messages and prefers phone calls? The preference to text messages is what gets you dumped last I checked.


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