How to end a relationship?

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I am in an AS-AS long distance relationship (never having previously met) and have been for nearly six months now. I'm going to preface this by stating that I actually really like this guy, but I am struggling nonetheless and think it's time to just cut things off. We aren't "official"- which is something that makes me feel like it will be a bit awkward to end it. We both have told each other that we very much like the other and we also both refer to it as a relationship, but we've never discussed it beyond that. I'm not sure how to put it exactly, but, for some reason, it feels like our relationship has developed unevenly for lack of a better word. I've never been in one before and I've no idea how quickly NT relationships progress, so I have nothing to compare it to. We still talk in our conversations as if we are just getting to know one another, but at the same time, we express (in our own strange ways) that we feel deeply. In a way, we just talk about ourselves back and forth instead of gaining a common ground. I think this is where the fact that we are both on the spectrum is coming in.

I am feeling feelings that I think are supposed to be positive, but I'm becoming stressed out by them instead of enjoying them. He has been very good about communicating when things upset him, but I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like it's a "my problem". I'm honestly not sure if I'm capable of doing so and I'm tired of being frustrated by it all. Also, I'm tired of him preoccupying my thoughts when all I want to do is go about my normal routine and participate in my special interest like I am used to doing. I just want my life back and by that I mean I want to be alone 24/7 and not have to worry about anybody else. If I'm being honest, I think I'm just afraid to change.

I obviously only have experience with ending friendships and by that I mean making old friends hate me because of my lack of sensitivity while doing so. Whenever close friends made me upset when I was younger and still had friends, I would simply cut off communication and the friendship was done as far as I was concerned. I am somebody that avoids conflict even when it's inappropriate to do so. A part of me just wants to go offline until things end naturally, but, like I said, I really like him and don't want to possibly hurt him even more like that. My next thought was that the next time he messages me I can just say something like "I think we need to stop talking". Except I don't see how I can provide him with an explanation when I don't see how "I like you too much" is going to go smoothly. I just I don't know. Anybody have pointers?

be honest. tell him you are more comfortable not being in a relationship and that you're sorry you didn't realize it before things got this far.

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

^^^Excellent, EXCELLENT song, and I couldn't have said it better myself.

There is no letting someone down easy. It's really simple: You're a cool cat, man, but it just ain't happenin'.

If this were a more physical, IRL type relationship, you give the old one-armed, shoulder-hug, kiss on the cheek, wipe a tear, shake hands, and say good-bye. There's not "letting 'em down easy." There's no need to explain. Yeah, I love you. It's not something you did/didn't do. There's nothing you can do to "fix it." I don't want to "work things out." I just don't feel this relationship is good for me. If it's not going to be good for one of us, it won't be good for either of us. If we can still be grown-ups about this, let's stay friends on Facebook. But I'm looking to move on, and so should you.

You can probably say it in fewer words than that, but that's basically my exit strategy.

The last girl I broke up with was the hardest breakup I've ever done. It was the end of my master's degree program and it was time to move back home. I'd been with this amazing girl for three semesters, and we both knew our lives were going in opposite directions. I was the one to do the breaking up, and it freakin' SUCKED. I think I cried more than she did. But tears don't change things. Life goes on whether you like it or not. So when you have to do the dirty deeds, it's best to get them over quick. Rip 'em off like old Band-Aids. Yeah, it's going to hurt. But the quicker you get it over with, the quicker the pain goes away. The girl I mentioned breaking up with was an amazingly good sport about it, it was something we'd both been aware of for a long time--it was just neither of us wanted to say anything. We email each other from time to time and are still friends. A good breakup like that is a difficult thing to accomplish.

Someone who is a master at breaking up can leave you feeling like it was what you wanted the whole time, and you don't miss the guy/girl afterwards. What I've done with the few little flings I've had was gauge how emotionally involved my partner was getting. If I could get her to admit that she was falling in love with me, I'd end it by saying we need to cool it. From there it was easy to stay "just friends" because things never got out of control.

The funniest incident like that that happened to me was when I was attracted to a freshman while in my junior year. She'd been dating this guy since she started school, and things weren't going that well between them. OK, I'm not this big tough guy. I'm pretty much a wimp and have been prone to bullying my whole life. Her bf was a pretty big guy, and I was a little worried about what might happen if he were to find out. So she finally confesses she's been messing around a little bit with me (we never had sex or anything, but I suppose it was bad enough) and that she's breaking up with him. He was horrified when she told him about me and actually relieved when they broke up. Reason? I was a member of the fraternity he intended to pledge the next semester, and our tradition was to unanimously vote in all our pledges. He was more worried about me blackballing him than trying to save the relationship!! ! I'm, like, um, dude, I don't want your woman! I wouldn't have blackballed him anyway. To make matters worse, the pledge I'd been mentoring that semester had a serious crush on her, and she wasn't even remotely interested in him. I was screwed six ways to Sunday with this chick, so I just gave trying. Sometimes, no matter how much you want someone or how bad you want to get laid, it's JUST NOT WORTH IT.

Oh, and one other thing in the breakup department: You really need to watch the movie "500 Days of Summer." It's more from the guy's point of view, but the same principle applies. The guy in the movie is so hung up over this girl he can't see past his own nose and is in constant denial about how far south the relationship has gone so quickly. He completely misses that she's a sociopathic b!tch and thrives on the drama of the relationship?she only comes crawling to him when she figures out he's not going to call her or apologize. But at the same time she makes her intentions very clear early on and he somehow fools himself into thinking that things are different with him. The breakup is EPIC?not in how it happens but in how long it took to get there, especially seeing as how the relationship lasted WAY beyond it's expiration date.

In short?most pathetic movie I've seen in my life and simultaneously one of my favorites!! ! Great movie if you need some impetus to break up with someone.

Probably the best advice so far

Maybe say you need a break from it for a while. Leave the possibility open for reconnecting. Sometimes a break is all you need and you will want to talk again. Of course realize he may not react well and may not want to start up again if you break it off. There is rarely any perfect way to disconnect, but it is something one has to get used to doing or accepting when necessary.

I was responding to a different thread when I thought about this one.

Need to end a relationship? FADE 'EM!! !

If I've been typing back & forth for a bit with someone I've never met from online dating
and I realize it's not going to work out & that I do not wish to meet, I write:

However, for longer-term exchanges of personal information and professed closeness & affection, I can do no better (and usually fall far short of this "ideal")
than these lines from ?Say This, Not That: A Foolproof Guide To Effective Interpersonal Communication? by Carl Alasko (2013):

Usually, I've been the person getting left-but having recently been the one to break it off,
I understand that there's no amount of consolation one can really provide to a person with whom one is choosing to disengage from.

All one can do is try to conduct oneself as honorably, decently, civilly as one can manage.
Feelings can/may change over time, and there isn't necessarily a way to explain, have that "make sense" to oneself, let alone to the other person.