Banned from POF
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
So I met this woman on plentyoffish, and we hit it off pretty well. We seem to want the same things in life, have similar interests, etc. We decide to go on a date to a local state park. We spent all day there, had a picnic, hiked on some trails, and just sat on a park bench and talked. I thought it went very well, and she seemed to enjoy herself too, didn't want to leave. Afterwards we started texting every day, all day. Overall we seemed like a great match, but I started noticing some issues that we might have. We live about an hour away from each other, and there were some issues with sex (if it got to that point) that we would have. I brought this up, and made it clear (I thought) that it wasn't a dealbreaker. She got upset and told me to lose her number. Then she blocked me on POF. Later that day I couldn't log on or make a new account with my email address. Is she crazy? I dont understand why she would do something so vindictive over what was really a minor issue. How could she get me banned like that? Customer service won't even respond to my emails. I am a polite, nice guy, and it really upsets me that she would say something so horrible about me to get me pretty much instantly banned from the site. I guess I'm just posting this as a warning, be careful on online dating sites.
and this is my best guess, here-
well... if she's NT....... NT pod people stick together! i like the expression ''pod people'' from the film invasion of the body snatchers. they are not like us.
sometimes, NT's operate off ''emotion'' instead of logic. they do not always question scenarios, and jump to conclusions via assumption-making/defensiveness, etc.
POF is a very strange site. you can create a new account very easily on there. try a disposable email routing such as hushmail.com
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
Thanks for the advice. I've thought about making a account and just coming right out and saying I have Asperger's, I live by logic and reason, etc. I think I'd be instantly rejected by all the pod people though, haha. Maybe I was too honest and direct. I know I didn't say anything that would be anywhere near offensive enough for her to try and get me banned though. Very weird, I just can't figure it out. It's not like I'm inexperienced in this area either, I've had a few serious relationships, all with NT's. I think I just got involved with a genuinely unstable one...
So you brought up some issues with sex (that you would have) that you thought wasn't a deal breaker.
I wonder if she got upset for the fact that you thought it would be even an issue. Or maybe you said something clearly appalling to anyone else but you. Something that would make people think "why would you even say such a thing??"
Like the one poster who doesn't understand why one might be offended if he told them "can I go out with you cause I can't find anyone else who is interested"?"
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
My only issue was that I was severely allergic to latex, and I think vinyl and lambskin condoms are a waste of time. So no condoms. She couldn't use birth control and had issues with certain positions, which I was willing to accept and accommodate for. Mayb. the condom issue was a dealbreaker for her, but it wasn't enough for her to report me lol. I didn't broach any subject we hadn't already discussed.
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
She probably thought you were some selfish guy wanting to get laid without having to use it. I'm sorry that the fact so many other people are like this that it rubbed off badly on you.
But it depends how you said it, and what exactly you said, so I don't know.
Well you didn't mention who did, and it had to be one of you. /shrug
Whats wrong with trying those other sort of condoms?
Maybe you're just not a good match. I feel for you, but I also really feel for her, as it's not easy in a world of physically healthy women to compete with. Speaking from experience.
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
But it depends how you said it, and what exactly you said, so I don't know.
Yeah, that might have been it. Unfortunately, I don't know how to not sound like an as*hole, lol. I just directly say how it is...
AspergianMutantt
Veteran
Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,782
Location: North Idaho. USA
She prob was not ready for the subject of sex past flirting, and seeing as you may have been to new to her yet and so when you brought it up she got spooked and thought you were just another horn dog looking for sex, which on POF is against the rules. all she had to do was complain and they would kick you out for a while. also please keep in mind, lots of women are expecting predators so are paranoid, although, I ran across a woman who was on the prowl her self before. and some women get really irrational and emotional around that time of the month so you never know what your walking into.
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Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 19 Jul 2014, 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia
Well you didn't mention who did, and it had to be one of you. /shrug
Whats wrong with trying those other sort of condoms?
Maybe you're just not a good match. I feel for you, but I also really feel for her, as it's not easy in a world of physically healthy women to compete with. Speaking from experience.
I might as well get intimate with a ziploc bag. Seriously , you can't hardly feel anything through them. But I understand what you are saying, I know she's been through some serious stuff and I don't feel any ill-will towards her. I just don't get the vindictiveness.
Refusing to use condoms makes you a likely sexually transmitted disease vector. This is a huge deal because of HIV and is almost certainly the reason she reported you and the reason they banned you. I don't know if POF has a formal safe sex policy but stating "I will never use condoms" will be an instant dealbreaker with all but the most reckless women. And the women who are fine with "no condoms ever" are also the most likely to give you an STD.
According to you, she said it was a deal breaker (the condoms) and you were saying it wasn't a deal breaker (her birth control). If you brought it up after she said the condoms thing was a deal breaker, it's possible she thought you were pressing the issue and telling her that no, it's not a deal breaker (even though she said it was).
Condoms are important either way. Having a latex allergy is no excuse, and there are more options than just lambskin. Also, there are female condoms. Birth control does not prevent STIs. This is coming from a female who is also allergic to latex.
Tip: Try out SKYN condoms if you ever have the chance. I'm pretty sure they come unlubricated, too, in case females have allergies to certain ones.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
I know this won't be very helpful in your situation, and I'm sorry about how things went down. FTR, I hate, Hate, HATE condoms, too.
My wife decided after we had our first child there would be no more birth control. I didn't like it, but I respected her decision.
Some 9 months later, we were really into each other one night after we'd run out of condoms. Typically we'd have unprotected sex about the same time every month and had no issues, so we figured we were ok. However, we misjudged what time of the month it actually was, so a few months later we had baby #2.
A couple of years pass with RELIGIOUS condom use when one night I notice something a little "weird" after making love. 8 months later, baby #3.
We've been just over 2 years since THAT with no incident and my wife FINALLY on her own terms decided to go on the pill. She had just finished her first round of the pill this week when I made the decision that THIS time I wasn't going to stop (to put on a condom). It was like the clouds parted and a light shone forth from heaven, butterflies were everywhere, and bluebirds and angels were singing?
Excellent timing, too, because confirmation she was NOT pregnant came within 8 hours of doing the deed. Much relieved, too, since doctors often recommend protected sex for at least a full month when first using the pill, and we were a little less than a week short of that. But we both hate condoms and feel the act is a lot more complete without them.
My point is you don't have to like condoms and that whole zip-lock thing. But women will tend enjoy getting dirty, getting diseases, and getting babies a lot less, and the pill also has some nasty side-effects that they'd rather not deal with (mood swings?ugh?). Don't get me wrong, I love all 3 of my children and wouldn't give them up for anything. But if this isn't something you're willing to take on and she's unwilling to take the pill, you might do better to just get used to condoms and accept it for the time being. And, as I mentioned with baby #3, condoms aren't perfect, either. You'll just do a lot better learning to live with it.
Again, sorry all that garbage happened to you. I do hope things get turned around for you and you don't get hooked up with any more psychos.