Why do I only want what I can't have ?

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Well, this is my first post in the entire forum... I'll just introduce myself before I start talking about what's going, I am 22 years old, I live in Lisbon, Portugal. I have been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, something I am able to 'hide' from everyone untill a certain point. I have a good life, I am lucky enough to have what you would call a 'rich' family and a good social life. I struggle to show emotions sometimes as we all do, I am not the kind of guy that will sit on the table for a meal and start talking to everyone, but I am not 'anti-social'. I was lucky to understand my problem and did everything to 'get over it'. When I tell someone about my condition I would say only 10% of the people truely believe. I am an arrogant son of a b***h sometimes, but I usually have reasons to be, I can't take people who act dumb, I can't really stand a lot of happyness around me too, it might be stupid but it's the truth... If I don't like that person and I see someone too happy.. Makes me want to shut them up. I am sorry if I sound a bit agressive, but i am just explaing pretty much what's going on with me.

When it comes to love I have always been a hopeless romantic. When I was a kid (from 13 to 16 maybe) no girl would ever look at me, I was fat, small and had nothing interesting. Lucky with the years going by and 'puberty done right' effect I grew to be a 6ft2 guy, attractive (something I will never admit to anyone that I know, as I am too unsure about myself still, since I have been bullied when I was younger) and with a lovely personality with the girls. I have never been a 'playboy' I love serious relationships and I die for the person I am with when I am in a relationship. But what I find interesting is that I usually fall in love with the ones that almost make me beg for them to love me. I have never had problems 'getting girls' when I want something casual, just so I don't feel alone sometimes. The thing is... Even if the girl I like is not the most attractive, even if she doesn't give a f**k about me... That's what makes me more 'obsessed' with them I would say. Is this normal? I feel like an idiot saying this but the truth is that I can have a lot of girls that I know, attractive ones but I totally lose the interest if they just come to me giving me what I want out of nowhere. I have never been in a relationship started by someone else, I am always the one that makes the first move (trust me, it was harder as f**k in the beginning, but you end up getting the hook of it, it was a true fear for me to surpass this, but I am happy I was able to, and I wont lie, my looks help me a lot). If a girl that is totally attractive, the girl of your dreams.. Come to me and says she loves me... I just lose TOTAL interest... Basicly I don't want to be the one 'wearing the pants' when it comes to a relationship. But then when it comes to my sexual life, it is the most agressive and roughest thing ever, I like to dominate, and again I am lucky that most of the women like that nowadays. If anyone could tell me why this happens, I would thank you for life. As I was never able to understand this part of me. It's like I love the misery of being rejected or going after something I know it won't end well.... But still do it.


edit: Just an example.. The girl I was with a few months ago, we weren't really in a relationship, we were together. None of us had nothing else with anyone else. It was just us, but we wouldn't say there was something serious.. Even though for me there was. She left the country for work. After her I have been having the interest of another girls, but I just don't feel NOTHING and the only thing I can think of, it the girl that left me... Not the 'why did she left me, I want to cry..' I know she had to leave, her carreer is more important than a guy, I agree with that. But I still feel like.. 'waiting' for her to come back.. I don't even feel in love with her anymore.. That's the weird part of it.

If I had a dollar for every time I wanted a girl I couldn't have, I wouldn't have student loans. Preach dude. Happens all the time. It's a cruel world sometimes.

You remind me a lot about me in my younger years. A few things to remember: (1) You know you have Asperger's. Knowledge is power. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 47. Knowing like you do that you have it, certainly you must be aware that we Aspergians don't pick up on social cues like neurotypicals do. What this should mean to you is that you're near-sighted to picking up on things like this. (2) Here in the States, we used to have a television show in the 1960's called Star Trek. Maybe you've seen it. The first officer of the starship was a Vulcan named Spock. There was an episode where Spock had to return to his home planet to fight for a wife. Toward the end of the episode, Spock hit it right on the head when he said "Having isn't so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is illogical, but often true." Your young and you've got raging hormones and sometimes those very hormones will get the best of you -blind you even further. Try not to let it. The women you find attractive on the outside may not be such on the inside. I ought to know. I've been divorced twice. My third wife is a keeper. (3) Aspergians hate change - God knows I do - and it takes a lot for us to move on from another relationship because we get "stuck" there. You need to learn to recognize it and deal with it or you'll never move on. (4) Make a list of the traits you find desirable in a woman and take out an ad in an internet dating service. Be specific so you can weed the undesirables out. (5) You mention arrogance. No self respecting woman likes an arrogant ass - unless she's Michelle Obama. You need to work on your own shortcomings if you wish for a permanent relationship. Lastly, I'm not a licensed mental health professional by any means. But there are some perceptions about relationships that concern me enough to tell you that I wouldn't trust you with my own daughter. Get some help in this area!

Wow, totally know what you mean.

When it comes to relationships, I've gotten progressively worse. First serious girlfriend I took a while but I got sick of her. Since then liking someone has gotten as bad as liking girls until the moment we start having sex and for some reason I lose all interest with them afterwards. If there's one way to get a girl off my mind it's to sleep with them and then I'll probably never think of them again. I even had sex with a girl a few years back that I d previously liked years before and I stopped half way through. Told her to go downstairs and sleep on the sofa and now whenever I think of her I feel totally repulsed.

But then some girl messed me around a couple of years back and I got totally obsessed. She took the piss, lead me on, then changed her mind.

The truth is, I seem to like b*****s more than anything. Not had the opportunity to have sex with someone like that to put them through that test but I just totally like b*****s. The worse they treat me the better I like them.

And the mad thing is that I've got a cousin that i totally rip into, and she doesn't take it seriously but she totally gives it me back with both barrels and I totally like her for it. I just totally like people that stand up to me.

Im a totally nice guy and it's such a contradiction of my personality that I like people like that. I don't even sleep with people anymore because I know what the outcome will be. I'm nice enough that I avoid sleeping with them because I don't want to put girls through the total loss of interest I feel afterwards, but I'm not nice enough to actually like them after I've slept with them. It's so weird.

I figure I just need to spare girls until I find someone with both a strong b***h personality to keep me interested inside the mind of a nice girl. A reluctant b***h maybe.

Wow. Just when I thought I've heard it all. Thanks for posting this, though, it is kind of refreshing to hear people actually admit that they like to be treated badly and "lead on", etc. - it makes the world make a little bit more sense for me.

Oh, and I just have to say, sending a girl away to sleep on the sofa mid-way through sex, through no fault of hers - that is just horrible. You can't control what you feel, but you can control what you do.

What are you talking about? i cant control what i feel but i can control what i do? You make it sound like being made to sleep on the sofa was the bad thing and letting her stay would have been the good thing.

How is leading people on a good thing? At least she knew straight away. At least i told it to her straight and never wavered.

Bad for one nights sleep maybe. Overall the controlling what i did was the sending her to the sofa. I ended it selflessly. Ive stayed single selflessly.

it wasnt about her anyway. You're going off topic through picking at details.