Consequences in "why to ask first"

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So remember that conversation we were having about the importance of asking whether you can kiss/squeeze/etc. someone else's delectable flesh, rather than just "going for it" on the basis of "I got this" nonverbal-signal detecting?

And remember that Max Temkin guy, who kinda failed to ask whether the girl he was making out all hot and heavy with actually wanted him doing that, and just took "she's not screaming no" as his guide? And left thinking all was well, until eight years later it turned out it wasn't, and hadn't been?

Well: http://valleywag.gawker.com/cards-again ... 1627416634

Which is an interesting thing. There was another guy, a sort of king of science writing, powerful fellow in that business, who fell off the mountain last year because it emerged that he was going around sexually harassing women science writers. Not touching, just making it very, very, very, very, very clear that that's what he wanted from them. His career evaporated within days; he was excoriated when he tried to stage a comeback a few months later, and that singed his buddies pretty good, too; and the must-be-there conference of 14 years' standing that he'd run -- I mean you had to have your finger on the register button when registration opened, or you wouldn't get in -- is looking a little ghost-town this year, even though he's no longer affiliated. It was that toxic, the whole "invite a sexual harasser to a key business-community event" thing. That guy just tried to friend me again on facebook the other day...he must be desperate to build his career anew, because nobody will hire him, at this point, and he's got a family to support.

The message appears to be, very loud and clear: the era of getting away with these things is coming to an end. Man or woman, if you're making sexual advances, they'd better be within an appropriate relationship, and you'd better make sure they're welcome, rather than just not resisted.

Asking for permission is a sign of wanting approval, one should never ask for permission.

Everyone welcomes different degrees of this at different times. Personally I'm more averse to this type of thing than the womenfolk in my life, which has of course caused friction but none of us are trying to harrass one another. They know I'll answer them honestly about anything in my life, but I suppose that's the benefit of actually caring about people, as opposed to acting like we're office plants.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

People can't learn to respect each other at an even pace, but we can learn. There's too much I can teach those close to me for me to worry about such minutae, the most respectful thing to do sometimes is to break all the ice and let everyone settle down. I'll allow my relationships to be many things, litigation however is not allowed on my list.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

As difficult as it might seem guys, its a lot better then males of some other species have it.

"Once a session of quality lovemaking ends, the female of many species will often kill and eat the male after sex. Turns out it?s all about size: small male spiders are easier to catch as prey, and big females will eat their puny mates simply because they?re hungry. The size rule holds true in a wide range of spider species: among wolf spiders (Hogna helluo), small males were consumed 80 percent of the time by their female lovers."

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/28353590/ns/t ... _4a7jog9gU

I still see a lot of "he said-she said" on the Max Temkin case and from people who aren't the accused or the accuser. From the looks of things, he was forced to not come to this event because of the bad publicity. As for anything that I have read in any article or responses to articles, a friend of hte accuser indicated that the accuser often had panic attacks when Temkin's name popped up on her social media newsfeed in her area. She decided after a while to speak up. Decided not to say anything else after.

Tarantella, this case hasn't been proven yet; even if false accusations are rare this means nothing for how the court proceeds the case.