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Well it must be a blue moon again because once again a girl has accepted me on a dating sight. Now I'm hoping I can work out how to not screw it up this time. There are some girls who are keen to meet right away but this one seems kind of introverted (she says she has poor social skills and dislikes pubs and clubs). That's fine by me, I mean, like attracts like right and there's less pressure on me to be Casanova but it could also be the blind leading the blind. Introverted girls may like chatting online for weeks before dating, which is fine by me since I'm not very spontaneous anyway but it does make it harder for me to figure out when she's ready to be asked out.

She seems pretty smart. That's great, brains are massive turn on for me.

Her description says to expect nothing more than a chat yet her profile says she's seeking friendship or a long term relationship (but not casual dating).

She says she likes debating philosophical issues and that she's a vegan. At first I thought that would be good because I'm interested in philosophy and enjoy a spirited debate. I don't have anything against vegans though I hope she doesn't expect me to become one.

But I don't know if she wants a real two sided debate or just a soap box to stand on. Some of the girls I've spoken to in the past took it personally when I took the contrary position on some issue that had nothing to do with us. I hope she wouldn't say she wants to debate than get offended when I actually debate. If I'm to be a vegan she's first have to make a very compelling case. At the moment I don't want to be one at all.

She says she often doesn't get along with people and often doesn't share the same views. I often don't share the same views as people but I've learned to accept that.

At first I thought her profile description read a little cold but in our so far very brief conversation she's put an emoticon in every one of her sentences. Maybe I shouldn't read too much into that.

Anyway, getting back to the title of this thread, I need some ways to keep the conversation going. I don't mind having long online chats with girls on dating sites it's just that if it's to be a long time before we meet (if she wants to meet anyone at all) that means I have to go for longer without letting the conversation die and I'm not good at forcing that. Before long I run out of conversation topic ideas. It's like I have to keep stoking the fire so it doesn't die down. I guess conversation is the human way of bonding. Monkeys groom each other, we exchange ideas. That's fine, I enjoy conversations with all sorts of people but in this case it puts a lot of pressure on me. We bond through conversation but I feel that part of it is not the conversation itself but simply that we spend enough time talking (online or gods willing in meat space) will have built up a familiarity that wasn't really about the conversation itself. More like the conversation was just a means to an end. The other part, in which the content of the conversation actually is important is that it's also a way to gauge people, intellect, compatibility and so on. Sure there are other ways to bond aside from conversation but they don't really apply to a chat window.

One of the things that bugs me is that, although like most here I'm bad at reading and sending out body language, I can still understand vocal inflections and use them, which is something you don't get from a chat window. Think how many misunderstandings arise from not being able to read the tone of someone's voice through a chat window. So anyway, any ideas to keep the conversation from dying down? Any other thoughts?

Good luck on your date!

LOL...It's not once in a blue moon; it's once in a super moon in your case.

Getting back to the original topic, if she posts a gif of a smiley sticking it's tongue out, is that considered flirting?
I'm still not sure if she's actually looking for someone or just wants to chat.

Since like many here I'm not good at reading people I don't know where to draw the line between coming on too strong or being considered a cold fish. I err on the side of caution so some girls end up seeing me as a cold fish.

On her profile it says she doesn't have good social skills so it could be the case that not only am I unable to read the signals but she's not sending them out much in the first place and that would make me doubly confused.

I would find that somewhat flirtatious in certain contexts.

I hope you have a great time on your date, whether it turns out to be a "love connection" or not.

She went back to typing in a normal tone. For a while I was a bit concerned she'd hate me for not being vegan. She wrote vehemently about how cruel meat eating is and I couldn't think of a way to justify my meat based diet. I changed the subject without resolving the issue. Then a while later she starts flattering me a lot. Saying I'm really smart and I should run the country.

I supposed such flattery could be a sign she's into me. It's just that some of the stuff on her profile seemed to imply that she wasn't looking for a relationship so I'm nervously wondering how long I should wait before asking her out.

She laughs at my jokes and hates the same politicians I hate. At one point she was referring to herself as a "gal" as though she thought I'd forgotten she was a member of the opposite sex (my conversations tend to be on the platonic side 'cause I'm shy).

I should probably ask her out sooner than later. She doesn't drink alcohol but maybe the local cafes have some sort of vegan coffee. Though she says she hates crowds. I'm not sure if she'd consider a cafe to be too crowded...

Ach. I finally build up the courage to ask her out and she says she doesn't like interacting with people in real life. I'm just glad she didn't delete me for asking. I go after an introverted girl because I think like attracts like and then I find out she's more introverted than me

She could be just trying to let you off easy. She might mean I don't like to meet people in real life WHO I MEET ONLINE.

Sigh. Maybe you're right. But then I sort of wonder what she was doing on a dating site. She says she wants to keep chatting though.

It seems as if the fact that she wants to keep chatting is a pretty good sign.

She could easily ignore you--she's online, after all.

I would keep the lines of communication open--even if you don't ask her out right away.

Have you sent her your picture yet? Has she sent you hers?

Many times, I have ruined things by overanalyzing.

Yeah, I know. I already had a notion that she might gradually warm up to me over a longer period of time. The thing that worries me is that she might be a recluse. She mentioned something about her friends but I don't know if she knew them in meatspace.

I haven't seen her picture (another sign of shyness?) and if I ask for it I might seem either superficial or it might break the illusion that my interests in are platonic (something I want to maintain until she warms up to me a bit more). She could see my pictures on my profile. I really need more recent ones. My appearance had improved due to weight loss. I no longer look puffy in the face. The most recent one is part way through weight loss and the rest are from years ago. The trouble is, it's hard to get a good photo of myself and the ones that best photographically were taken years ago. It's not only the photographic conditions I'm concerned about but somehow I can never pull a smile that doesn't look forced. Maybe I should go for a more contemplative look.

Then again on some of the profiles I look at the pictures are out of focused, over exposed or have the dreaded duckface. Also many of them are selfies. I find that selfies look antisocial, as though they couldn't find someone to hold the camera. On the other hand it can be frustrating relaying instruction to someone else. They often don't follow them very closely.

Sounds like you haven't "given up the ghost" yet. Excellent!

I'm also glad you're not analyzing all this to death--except for the pictures LOL

Just continue on the path you've embarked upon so far. Seems sensible to me.

Will do but if she should turn out to be a recluse, it will be very difficult to coax her out of her shell.

You don't actually KNOW that she's a recluse.

What are the indications that she is?

Of course, recluses could easily tire of being recluses, and "come out" for the right person.

Even if she is a recluse, if she starts liking you enough she will want to see you in real life eventually. It might take more time than normally, but if you guys really have something good going on then I doubt she?d just throw it away because she isn?t ?good at interacting with people in real life?. Sounds to me like she?s just being cautious. Maybe she?s afraid of being rejected if you met up or is still unsure about you to the extent that she isn?t willing to get out of her comfort zone just yet?

She probably switched back to typing in a normal tone if you didn?t respond to her being flirtatious. And if she?s on a dating site then I would imagine she wants some kind of relationship. But anyway good for you for asking her out!

Her profile hinted at it a few times but the main indication was after I asked her out she said may "forget how to talk". I figured this meant she had social anxiety. I could be reading into it too much though. In contacting her I was trying to avoid the hoards of girls on dating sites who'd expect me to go clubbing (and a few who'd expect me to go camping) but I thought she'd be mildly introverted like I am, not reclusive. I won't hold it against her but it could make things a bit harder (or make things a bit less probable).

When I was her age (22) I was borderline reclusive so I think it's possible to recover from it.