Having the same fight with my NT partener

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It seams like I always have the same fight with my partner, she says something that is deeply hurtful to me, I become offended and it is my fault for feeling offended by something that attacks me at the core of my being, the part that I do everything. I can to hide from the world.
The best I can get as an apology is to say, I'm sorry you took it that way.
I have done everything I can to communicate that these are deep UN healed wounds, but getting upset about having them ripped open anew is something i have to tolerate at home, the one place I am expecting safety in this world, or can chose to be alone.
It took her three years of me telling her to actually comprehend that I don't talk to her any different than anyone else on the planet.
For many years I cut off everyone because the pain was more than a thing others brought into my life.

Your SO really should respect the fact that youve pointed out a sensitive area that draws pain when touched upon. Is it a very literal issue that she keeps referring to or could you be interpreting her statements to be referring to your issue. It may be that she is not actually meaning to cause you pain and you are reading the intent into her statements.

Maybe the fact that you don't talk to her differently than anyone else on the planet is part of the problem? A partner expects to be treated differently than 'everyone else'.

It may also be that you're reacting defensively to things that she says innocently?