teach me your relationship advice please ! !! !

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1. how do i not taken advantage off.
2. how do i scan the girl.
3. how do i set standards.
4. what is love
5. what is falling in love
6. answer any question you wanna share ( whatever question you got in your mind )
7. im thank you for any advice.
8. please give alot.

I'll do my best to answer these questions with details and in the same order asked:

1.) A person can limit being taken advantage of in a few ways. It could be best to become friends with a person first and watch how they talk about their other friends when they are not around and whether they are rude to waiters (or other times while receiving services). It might also be helpful to pay attention to whether they bad-mouth their ex's. Do you see this person routinely taking advantage of others? If so, the truth is, it will only be a matter of time before they also try to "use" you.

Also, you can "test" a person early on by setting boundaries and seeing if they listen and stick to them. For example, "please do not call or text me after 8pm." Even if you don't necessarily go to bed at that time...it is good to see if they will respect your wishes for something as simple as respecting your request/need.

You could also get creative and set other boundaries to determine whether she will respect you. If they do, they may be "a keeper." If they don't you may want to let her go on her own way.

2.) If by "scan" you mean try to quickly assess her personality traits...my first thought goes back to what I've mentioned about observing her with others. Does she have the kind of traits that you like? For instance, if you want a person that is honest, simple, easy-going, kind, somewhat attractive, and so on...does she seem to act in this manner?

3.) Standards can be set in a number of ways. What are your morals? When I'm with my clients...I have them make a list before they begin pursuing an intimate relationship. It has three areas that people make a "list" of. These areas are:

- Must Haves (i.e, in my case - must be in school or have a job, is a Christian, must be honest, etc., etc.)
- Things you would like the person to have, but not necessary (sense of humor, able to go for walks/hikes, etc.)
- The "Fluff n Stuff" list, not important - just icing on the cake, so to speak ( likes similar music, uses romantic gestures, etc.)

As you may see...everyone that makes this list will tend to have different things that are Deal Makers vs. Deal Breakers. Once you sit and think about this for a day or two and then write out the list as you go along (can always revise it along the way) - it can really help a person define what their standards are, imho.

4.) Love means different things to different people. To me - love means caring about a person as much as one cares for their own self.

5.) Falling in love to me, makes me think of the initial phase where one goes from liking a person on a surface level - to a deeper phase of truly knowing them. It can also be blended with being on top of the world...or getting butterflies that make you feel giddy or a rush of excitement.

6.) Remember to not "settle." What I mean is never settle for a person who does not have the "Must Haves" on your list. When a person settles...they are not only holding their own self back from true happiness but also may not be able to give full appreciation/love to the other person. In turn, both people will end up unhappy. So, just don't settle.

7.) You're very welcome!! !

8.) I hope this is enough...tried to give a lot with some examples.

Best relationship basis is a combination of mutual respect, trust, affection, acceptance, encouragement and a fairly equal investment of giving and receiving.

Worst relationships are grossly unequal, one gives/one takes, one controls/one capitulates.. these are based on master/slave dynamics. Only good if you want to be a slave. And if you do, that is very sad.

love has never been easy has it ?


( please give more opinion and whatever is on your mind ) ( i need all help i can get ) thanks

Very true. My only long term relationship was basically a master/slave or father/daughter type relationship. I was much older and she did not work, dropped out of school and was as mature as a teenager. It was fun in the bedroom but an utter nightmare other than that. I look back and think "what the f*** was wrong with me?"

As for avoiding being taken advantage of, I cannot overemphasize TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Watch how a girl treats homeless, wait staff, their parents, their friends, if they gossip or swear, what they post on social media, etc. Few people can maintain a facade for long and my last nightmare of a relationship the red flags were being CONSTANTLY waved in my face! I would also mention beware of someone who seems to fall madly in love with her soul mate.... and breaks up a week later again and again. Looking back with my experience and knowledge that thanks to my low self-esteem at the time, I was magnetically attracted to a needy girl and I also blamed myself when she would go on a verbal (or physical) rampage. I realize now a healthy male would have ended the relationship there and then and would expect her to seek professional help before trying to reengage her or "fix" her. Lest you think that relationship was a "waste", I learned WHY I had a hard time with normal girls and have worked hard to improve.

It's also important as mentioned already to stick with your deal breakers but make sure they ARE deal breakers as tastes will change over time. Here's a quick example: Tattoos/Piercings. This was a 100% dealbreaker to me if a woman had ANY tattoos or piercings (excluding a single in the earlobe). As time went on, I changed this to visible (e.g. hands, arms, face) tattoos or more exotic piercings (ear stretchers, more than 3 on an ear, a ring on the eyebrow). I even dated a girl with a nose piercing! This came up when I was dating a girl this summer and things started to get serious. I could *ahem* clearly see she had no tattoos and while we were talking, I told her that I don't date girls with tattoos and she said "so if a girl got a small tattoo on her ankle you would divorce her?" That changed my rigid perspective since I could not reply "yes" but that doesn't mean I wouldn't divorce a woman who gets a facial tattoo, especially if she is looking for work!

1. You unfortunately have to give people a chance if you want them in your life and you are not in a position to make them put in more work.
2. Only set people the standards you yourself would happily live by, and make them fairly clear from the beginning.
3. Figuring out what you feel is reasonable for yourself and others, and making sure they match is a good start.
4. Baby don't hurt me.
5. Painful but exciting at the same time.
6. I sadly don't have any questions I wan't to ask. It's more interesting to take and accept what happens and figure it out as it goes along.
7. No problem.
8. Sorry I couldn't be more elaborate. take care.

1. how do i not taken advantage off.
This is a hard one for people on the spectrum, in any situation, not jsut dating.
the best i can give you is to set some rules/limits for yourself and stricktly sticking to them.

it is not possible to fully prevent being taken advantage of, and i recommend you dont even try to prevent it, it will eat you away... just try to linit the impact should it happen

2. how do i scan the girl.
You dont, just go with your gut feeling and give it a shot if you think you got a chance.
it is best if you already know each other, or if you have a mutual friend, ask him/her for some extra information if you really want it

3. how do i set standards.
you have them, it's not like you can choose your own standards.
if you look at (or even talk to) a girl, you will probarbly know a few things in the interaction: how do you feel about her height/weight/voice/shape/... (yes, materialistic, i know, just giving examples); those are your standards.

4. what is love
baby don't hurt me, no more?
love is a chemical inbalance in the brain that makes you feel dependant on a certain person, it doesn't last and turns into 'settled' after a few months

5. what is falling in love
the onset of the imbalance above, but not everyone experiences the 'falling' bit, you can grow into loving as well, a gradual process.
at some moment, you realise that you'd rather be cuddled up to person X, this is the moment you are in, what is called, love.
it can happen as a sudden craving (falling) or just gradually grow as a desire (growing), either is just as effective.
i myself have only had the second type so far

one other piece of advise: dont confuse love with lust, true love is a mental desire to be together, not (just) a physical desire for contact.
the easiest way i know of to know the difference is the following:
the next time you notice these feelings come up: masturbate with that girl in your mind: if the feelings remain afterwards, it is probarbly love, if they disapear, it's lust.
if you cannot identify a single specific girl that is the target of the feelings, it's probarbly lust as well.

Umm... Can't think of much at the moment, but many girls, especially NT girls think Frogs, spiders, worms and such are yucky. Don't carry any around with you on a date. At least not the first date.

"not at least the first date" trolololol

I recently browsed a book that?s primarily aimed at people already in a relationship, but its concepts struck me as something that almost anyone could benefit from at least contemplating--including NTs (I'm one).

It?s about how people might express or perceive love once they feel it for another. Some people feel loved when they are complimented (if it seems sincere), while some people like to receive special gifts--the traditional "token of affection". Some people feel appreciated when their beloved helps with everyday tasks--ask any busy caregiver--while others really thrive with whatever they consider to be quality time, and still others prefer physical touch (which doesn?t always have to be sex).

Most people like to give or receive a combination of these acts of affection, but if there?s a total mismatch between two people who are--or want to be--especially close, it can be a real problem, even if the love they feel like expressing/receiving is strong. I think that if someone isn?t doing any of these things for another, it can mean that that person isn?t in love, or in a worst-case scenario, is just a plain selfish arse who may be taking advantage of the other's kindness and generosity.

I hope this helps.