Thinking in false dichotomies

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RetroGamer87
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06 Oct 2014, 10:09 am

A couple of weeks ago this girl was flirting with me. At least I think she flirting with me, like many here it's hard for me to tell. I did my best to ignore her for one reason. I hate her. I was surprised that she would do that because before that she acted like she hated me as well. Actually that was part of the reason I hated her in the first place. I'd hate her anyway. I find her kind of annoying.

That was a couple of weeks ago but just today I was thinking, if I dismiss some girls as not being relationship material and ignore them, am I passing up the opportunity for a one night stand? Did I miss many such encounters? Does anyone else get caught in the same mental traps?


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kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2014, 10:24 am

Truthfully, I've been through a few one-night stands.

They are not worth it. They feel like I'm masturbating into a donut.



RetroGamer87
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06 Oct 2014, 10:37 am

Interesting that you mention donuts because the girl in question sort of looks like one.


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1401b
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06 Oct 2014, 10:55 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Interesting that you mention donuts because the girl in question sort of looks like one.

OMG ROFL! =D


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downbutnotout
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06 Oct 2014, 11:52 am

If you don't like her or the way she looks, then don't sleep with her. A basic level of respect for other human beings costs nothing.



accountinglad
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06 Oct 2014, 12:31 pm

Just do her from behind



Toy_Soldier
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06 Oct 2014, 12:34 pm

It may be she had a change of heart or simply wanted to not have you as an enemy. Perhaps your dislike shows and makes her uncomfortable.

Its possible, if there was mutual dislike before, that she may have been actually playing a game. In that game, she would flirt, and if you responded favorably then she would reject you. Its just one of the many stupid games people play.

The thing is, there is no way to tell, and it would be a bad idea to bring it up. This is a antagonistic situation and confrontation rarely turns out well.

Whatever it was just let it go and try not to openly show dislike. Just move on. If you have no feeling for the person, in my opinion its a bad idea to have a relationship, or one-night-stand. That's just using someone in my book.



conundrum
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06 Oct 2014, 2:34 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
Its possible, if there was mutual dislike before, that she may have been actually playing a game. In that game, she would flirt, and if you responded favorably then she would reject you. Its just one of the many stupid games people play.


Which I HATE. :x

I agree: just let it go and ignore her. IMO, if people can't be straight with you about what they want, then they are not worth it.


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RetroGamer87
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07 Oct 2014, 8:26 am

downbutnotout wrote:
If you don't like her or the way she looks, then don't sleep with her. A basic level of respect for other human beings costs nothing.
It's not her appearance I was most concerned about. I find her personality to be very abrasive and I hated the way she hated me. Also it sort of bugs me that she's seven years older than me.
Toy_Soldier wrote:
The thing is, there is no way to tell, and it would be a bad idea to bring it up. This is a antagonistic situation and confrontation rarely turns out well.

I know I should just bring it up but like many here I'm bad at reading signals. I often see signals where there are none or miss signals when they are there. I err on the side of caution. I mean, what if she wasn't flirting with me and then... well imagine what it would be like if you propositioned your worst enemy.
conundrum wrote:
Which I HATE. :x

I agree: just let it go and ignore her. IMO, if people can't be straight with you about what they want, then they are not worth it.

I hate it too. I wish NTs would just tell me what they want me to know. I wish they'd just tell me straight and not use body language but the thing is... for NTs using body language is telling me straight. For them, they're sending out an obvious signal and if I miss flirting from some girl I would've liked than she'll think I didn't recricate because I dislike her or because I'm not single.


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Geekonychus
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08 Oct 2014, 11:57 am

downbutnotout wrote:
If you don't like her or the way she looks, then don't sleep with her. A basic level of respect for other human beings costs nothing.

Morality......... in dating? What an odd concept. 8O



LKL
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08 Oct 2014, 12:13 pm

downbutnotout wrote:
If you don't like her or the way she looks, then don't sleep with her. A basic level of respect for other human beings costs nothing.

QFT.

This conversation is a good example of what feminists mean when they say 'feminism is the radical concept that women are people.'