In limbo...

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Wow, I feel like Kiff from Futurama. Anyone know what I'm talking about? No? Well, you'll see what I mean.

Anyway...

I've been attending college for about a month and a half; I'm a freshman commuter student and want to be an English major. I'm loving it thus far! I can confidently say that I like it better than high school. I am fully aware that I am there to learn, but also to expand my horizons, socially.

Now, compared to the person I was in middle, and even high school, I think I've made great strides in terms of social skills. (Middle school was a really dark time for me; we don't talk about that, OK?! ) I'm trying to be humble here, but also honest about how I see myself. College is really a great environment for me. I am loving my professors and my classmates. Even still, I still can't shake the feeling that I have all the social experience (or, more appropriately the social skills) of a fruitcake. I am constantly paranoid that I'm wasting someone's time and that they don't really like me, or that I'm being led on, or blown off. It sucks.

Before the school year's classes started, there was this program orientation event called a "smart start". I saw this girl there that seemed like "my type": nerdy, quirky and adorable. I got her number (major shocker! I know!) and we've been talking ever since. We hit it off great, and I have classes with her every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Needless to say Tuesdays and Thursdays are the low points in the week for me.

I can confidently admit that I'm obsessed with this person, to some degree seen as irrational to most normal people. But I know that I better damn well not show it, lest I creep them out and scare them off. I have revealed somewhat of how I feel for her over the phone and she's flattered somewhat, and the fact that she hasn't filed a restraining order against me is a good sign. The fact that she's still talking to me is even better.

I can tell that she likes me, to at least some degree. "As a friend". We text often, and call sometimes too. Every time I see her I talk to her. We're getting along really well. I even told her how I felt; she said that we definitely need to go out on a date. That's the thing, though: she's never free. One time we were so close to going out, but due to a number of human errors I ended up going to the place where we going to hang out and she didn't even show up! Only as I was riding the subway home (with me in pieces) did I get a message from her, saying that she had paid her phone bill late and couldn't reach me. She was completely ready to go, but had no way of reaching me. D'oh.

Y'see, in between being in a relationship and being single is a whole ton of gray area called "it's complicated". Some call it the "friend zone", but I never really liked that term all that much to be honest. Even if I ultimately can only be friends with this person, I would be fine. (We'd have to be pretty close friends though...) What I'm trying to do, ideally, is make a breakthrough to the side of being in a relationship. I just want someone to tell all my secrets, and cuddle, and do cutesy things with. What's so bad about that?

Like I said, I am absolutely head over heels for this person. I have hearts next to her name in my phone's contact book. (Shhh... she doesn't know about that yet.) She knows that I like her, but I'm afraid of telling her how much... this hasn't worked out all too well for me in the past. Like I said, I'm a social gadfly.

I still can't help but entertain the thought that the whole world is some kind of massive conspiracy against me, with this girl for whom I bear so much affection being some kind of trickster deity. I've been through the whole 'relationship' thing before, and the last time I had my heart ripped out and the pieces stomped on through no fault of my own. Something tells me this girl is different. I don't know what to do... I don't want it all to go to waste...

This is where the title of the the thread comes into play. Right now, I'm in limbo. I'm stuck. I need to make a breakthrough or I'm destined to fall into hell.

And if you've ever seen Futurama, you know the episode where Kiff calls Amy several times, but hangs up before he can even respond to her picking up. While obviously that's a bit of a hyperbolic allusion (my anxiety isn't that bad), I just thought it was relevant...

Either way, a little advice, here, people?

If you haven't so much as gone on a date, you really shouldn't be investing too much into this relationship yet. Calm down, and don't commit yourself to someone you aren't dating.

Just take it slow for right now. Some good advice that I've heard:

"Marry someone you'd consider one of your best friends."

I would be more worried of what to do with an "English major", being in a financial limbo is much worse.