Obsessed with getting girls now. It has taken over my life.

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I'm 21 and still unsure of if I have aspergers. I have symptoms or did but am trying to work on then such as being monotone and not knowing how to use vocal tone and having awkward facial expressions because I feel like I don't have emotions and I have to act like I do to come off as normal. Also I get obsessed with things like for 3 months I was obsessed with a small online business I started but now that is seriously boring me out and I have lost interest in even continuing it.

Currently I'm obsessed with trying to get with girls by dating them and hooking up. However I'm nieve with social situations in general so nothing really happens on dates because I either say awkward things or the girl sees me as being too beta and she looses interest.

I've been using tinder to find women and the other week I matched the cutest girl and we had so many similar interests and we talked for 2 hours on the first date. When I asked her for a second date she is making up excuses to why she can't and this is the same with literally every girl I meet. My problem is I'm over analyzing stuff but I can't help it. It's like non stop I'm thinking about the girls I've seen.

How can I stop being so obsessed when I'm bored by everything else in life?

I would say get a professional diagnosis as soon as you can, it's better to have one than to self-diagnose yourself with AS.

Secondly, if a girl doesn't want a second date, I would say she isn't worth it (from my experience). This can go for both men and women, if they don't want a second one, don't even bother.

how not to be obsessed with Girls?

Getting over that wall is pain in the ass! In your mind you must be able to have an alternative.

When you talk to a girl always have an alternative in the back of your mind. "Hey if you do not like me, there is this other girl that I saw or know that might like me."

If you do not have a real alternative , still always know that there will always be other girls to talk to if the current girl is not working out.

This will relax you and make the meeting with the girl way more easy going instead of trying to shoot for the goal of "getting her" This is the relm of epectations and not having them. Yes...it's a pain when you are freaking horny!

You do not shoot for boy friend status on the first date. Have creative fun by going out and courting the woman. Dinners, watching movies, paint ball, or even just casual sex with out the whole please be my girl friend angle. Take charge of what you want to do!

Do not be afraid to scare one away by being yourself. If you get too aggressive with a girl and she says that you scare her or you trigger a flight or fight instinct. Tell her why. It is usually because she is very pretty and you want to have sex.

Hey, (Girls name) you are very attractive and I will come off as aggressive. I will do my best not to disrespect you"

This opens up communication on how she wants to be treated. If she does not want to communicate. That is up to you to keep persuing or investigate alternatives.

Good luck, talk to people get shot down, have a fling, find make mistakes just to laugh at them.

^^

If you tend to get obsessed with girls, and they tend to dump a lot, then you need some better way of selecting girls that won't dump you. Or you need try to not get too involved with them too early if that is possible.

Getting a diagnosis won't help you at all.

Why do guys get SO offended when a girl doesn't want a second date? She doesn't want a second date because she has a right not to want one without being insulted or thought about as though she isn't worth it? Just move on. That's the whole idea of dating in the first place -getting to know a person. If not many people want a second date with you, then maybe it's a good idea to start going dutch before you go broke.

Guys get offended because the refusal of a second date, from their standpoint, means they are "less" than a guy who succeeds in obtaining a second date. It's a blow to their ego. I'm sure a woman would feel the same way should this happen to her.

It's not that guys feel "entitled" to a second date. It's that they feel they weren't the "chosen one."

The obsession thing has nothing to do with ego. It's a hung-up in the courtship process, which makes it impossible to move on. This is not a guy-only thing either, it happens just as often for girls as well. The solution is that you cannot get too involved too early. Regard a date as a way of getting to know somebody (without any expectations) rather than the first step in a relationship, and it might work better.

Last edited by rdos on 23 Oct 2014, 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Why use the word "dump"? It's all about incapatibilty, not worth or self-worth. Our worth is NOT contingent upon others perceptions of us. If a guy feels he gets dumped a lot, then why isn't he questioning whether or not he really liked any of them? Why is it always about them liking him?
Are some guys so desperate and down on themselves that they think that every girl who agrees to date them are okay? Speaking as a female, I'd say that if you get to really know some women, you'd thank your lucky stars that they did dump you. There's nothing quite like getting to REALLY know somebody. That saying about "the honeymoon being over". WELLLL......when it's over, it;s over!! !

WELL PUT rdos!! !! ! Kudos to you! You said this very easily while I stumbled repeatedly in an attempt to say it. Thank you!!

Because that is the mind-set of somebody that expects a date to be the first step in a relationship rather than a way of knowing somebody. When the girl doesn't want to continue, it feels like you have been dumped because you expected a relationship, not to get to know somebody.



Personally, I would never date a girl if I weren't 99% sure it would lead to a relationship. OTOH, I never did traditional dating, so I never got dumped like that either.

I'm kinda going through the same thing although hooking up with girls is not really my goal I just ultimately want a girlfriend, overall a loving intimate sexual relationship with a real woman, it is making it difficult for me to focus on my school work and be often depressed at work

I was exactly the same way just a couple of years ago, and while I still do want a female in my life, I have thrown it on the backburner after a ton of horrible experiences. On the bright side for you, at least you got a date, let alone a match on Tinder. I've been trying that thing for a half a year and I haven't gotten 1 match yet.

Anyway though, try picking up some hobbies, or just try to do something productive with your time. I can tell you if it wasn't for being pre-occupied with school work, I would have been more of a wreck then I was a couple years back. Ultimately you have to find a way to not think about it, it just makes it worse.

Are there times when it comes up in my head? You betcha. But over-thinking and over-analyzing won't help at all. I still have trouble from time to time but your not going to progress by doing that. I thought about the couple girls at my college that I was really clicking with and I thought I could end up with one of them but both ended up being engaged. I still thought about them but in the end it wasn't going to matter what scenarios I played through in my head, the end result was that I wasn't going to end up with them. After a while I finally moved on.

I guess that would be my main point.

This "beta" business? Suggests you're trying to get girls via "pick up artist" techniques -- which just REEKS of desperation. From 50 feet away!!

For the guy who says he.'do NEVER date a girl unless he was SURE he wanted a relationship with her? If you don't know her, how do you know if you wanna date her??

(Fwiw, I tend to accept a date invite from any guy who asks me out provided that: 1) I'm single, 2) he's single, 3) he doesn't cause my creep-o-meter to go off).

The things I want to know about a girl is not something I can find out in a traditional dating process because it is too short and those qualities can easily be faked when dating. And even if I find them out after an extensive dating period, by then I'm too attached to the girl so I cannot easily break-up.

Simply put: Dating is an NT-thing aimed at discovering social status and functioning, which I have no reason to evaluate in a girl. I want to know if she is loyal, persistent and caring, not if she is a social butterfly.

My advice to you, don't date. At all. I wouldn't even talk to girls.

What happens if one does show interest? Do you lose interest in her? Do you try to find someone prettier? This sounds like it's all about self-esteem, sexuality, do you have any honest interest in being in a relationship short of saying you were in one and having your self-esteem issues validated? Human beings aren't expendable creatures that you have around for your own needs.