When your aspie boyfriend stops talking to you for a week

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Frmeepy
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25 Oct 2014, 3:03 pm

Is that common with aspies? If so, why do they do this? If you do this, what are your reasons for doing so? Could obsessions be the cause of this as well? My boyfriend recently became obsessed with a bunch of things.



Kiriae
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25 Oct 2014, 3:49 pm

Very common. I can stay "silent" for a few months (week is very short!) and it usually doesn't mean anything more than being busy and forgetting to socialize.

All possible explanations of this behavior in my case:
- I'm busy.
- I'm focused on something else.
- I have something interesting going on in my life.
- I forget to remember I am supposed to contact you.
- I'm not in mood to talk.
- I'm tired of socialization.
- I'm depressed.
- I have no idea how to start the talk.
- I have no idea if I am welcome.
- I'm thinking that if you want to speak to me you will initiate the talk.
- I'm doubting my feelings.
- Talking to you pisses me off and I want to like talking to you so I try to process the issue before we talk.

I don't consider talking to someone as a pleasant activity. It is more of a responsibility - if you want to have relationship with someone you have to talk to him/her just like you need clean your house to have the house clean. Just like I forget to clean my house when I am busy or depressed I will forget to socialize when I am like that. Sure, socializing might be fun at times, just like cleaning can be but fun is not the primary reason to do those.



Woodpecker
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25 Oct 2014, 4:46 pm

Ask him gently why he has stopped talking to you, ask if he is not talking to you out of choice (have you been sent to Coventry) or is he not talking to you for some other reason.

I do not know if your BF is non-verbal or maybe semi-mute, some aspies do not think in words they sometimes have trouble keeping up with a conversation in the way that a NT does. He might be sluggish in making a reply if he needs to think or if he is needing to translate his thoughts into words.

If he is not making a point of being nasty (sending you down the M69 to Coventry) by giving you the silent treatment it is important that you do not mock him for his inability to talk "normally". Try to talk to him and work out a way for you to communicate with him.


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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity :alien: I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.


CodeGrey
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25 Oct 2014, 5:46 pm

I've been seeing an undiagnosed Aspie for about six months. He will only communicate via text and email. I've noticed that he avoids responding to things of an emotional nature. He comes off like he doesn't care, but says he does. Did you two, perhaps, have a problem in your relationship that you did not resolve? Maybe he is not sure how to handle it, and has just shut down.

The more I've experienced with my BF, the more I see how the avoidance is becoming intolerable on my part. :cry: I wish you all the strength in the world to deal with this. You will need it.