College classmate: Are these signs she likes me?

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

FireyInspiration
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: Unknown

20 Oct 2014, 6:47 pm

I've noticed one of my classmates in college seems to have noticed me more than she's noticed most others. She tends to say 'hi' and try to start conversations with me when we're waiting for class to start, responds more to me than she does to most others, and more than most others respond to me when us and our other classmates talk outside the classroom waiting for class to start, and her reactions are generally agreeing with me and trying to continue a conversation. After our first 'real' conversation, she added me to facebook later that day (and she hardly has added anyone else from the class, so she's not just one of those people who adds everyone). She however hasn't (to my knowledge) tried to flirt with me or anything.

I really can't tell if she sees me in any romantic sense, is just being polite, or is just another introvert who feels more comfortable around me. Anything specific I should look out for, or do to find out? I see a lot of potential here, but also don't want to make things awkward if she doesn't have any feelings for me. I'm thinking of asking if she wants to hang out during lunch break or something, does anyone think this could work, or have any better ideas?



1401b
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,590

20 Oct 2014, 7:17 pm

1. Those things ARE the 'flirts.'
2. Don't over-value flirts, they're just there to keep you interested.
3. If she takes the same class, study together a bit. At the school library or one of the tables and see how things go. Maybe then get together at a coffee shop to 'study' and see if the convo keeps wandering off study topic. You'll get a feel for things by then.


_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,043
Location: Adelaide, Australia

20 Oct 2014, 7:50 pm

I knew this really pretty girl in high school who used to do the same sort of things. I'm starting to think I shouldn't have ignored her.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


FireyInspiration
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: Unknown

21 Oct 2014, 9:58 pm

1401b wrote:
1. Those things ARE the 'flirts.'
2. Don't over-value flirts, they're just there to keep you interested.
3. If she takes the same class, study together a bit. At the school library or one of the tables and see how things go. Maybe then get together at a coffee shop to 'study' and see if the convo keeps wandering off study topic. You'll get a feel for things by then.


Thanks, I'll keep this in mind



886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,663
Location: SLC, Utah

22 Oct 2014, 6:03 am

As an autistic I used to think flirting was just stupid pick-up lines and compliments. It's not (I mean, it is, but it's more than that), flirting is as simple as talking to someone new with the interest of getting to know them better to see if you like them.

If she makes that much of an effort to get to know you, even to go out of the way to friend you on social media, what's the harm in asking her to dinner?


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


Kiriae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,349
Location: Kraków, Poland

22 Oct 2014, 7:07 am

I am the opposite. I am a girl that kinda likes a classmate. I do what the girl you talk about does - I always say "hi" to him, I talk with him way more than with anyone else and I initiate the talks, I laugh when he says a joke or do something stupid (in fact we disturb classes this way - I laugh, he laughs back and neither of us can stop laughing :lol: ).

I apparently managed to get him sit next to me this year (he was sitting on 2nd end of classroom with other boys last year, for some reason he took the spot right next to me this year) and we sometimes walk home together (he lives close to school so I walk him home and then go my way). He also helps me with classes and supports me when I am down so he cares about me. He even knows I have AS and doesn't seem to mind.
But I am not sure what to do now.

I really suck with the love-dove things and I used to dump any boyfriend that got emotionally too close to me. I am just scared, its too complicated. I feel hurt when I hear someone saying he loves me. I might like someone, he might be fun to talk with, I might consider him a good husband material and I don't really mind physical contact(just need to get used to it) but I simply don't understand romantic love. So I feel guilty for using the one that loves me since I can return the love back - so I always choose to end the relationship.
I don't want to experience it again. Maybe we are better being just friends?

Besides. I am not sure what should be the next step. I can't just come to him and tell him I like him because I am not sure I really do or it is just my imagination. It wouldn't be fair if I was wrong. Also, it would be awkward in both cases - if he said he doesn't feel that way and if he started to date me. We are in the same class! How could I face him if he doesn't like me? How could I face other classmates if we started dating? And what do I do if we date? We talk and then what? I don't know how to kiss, its overwhelming, just imagining makes me shutdown. So far I only know how to hold hands or hug.

Damn, I sound like a 12 year old on her 1st classmate crush. LOL. I really should grow up already.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

22 Oct 2014, 7:22 am

Kiriae, it seems like you are already "dating". After all, he decided to sit next to you, you follow each others home (at least to his home). The only thing that you haven't done is to make it official. :-)



Kiriae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,349
Location: Kraków, Poland

22 Oct 2014, 7:50 am

If this is what you call "dating" then I am "dating" a few people at the same time.

For example on my left side (he sits on right) sits a girl. We talk to each other, help each other during lessons and she gives me a ride home since she got a car and my home is on her way home. I often choose to go with her since it is convenient - I am home within 10 mins then.
When I walk the boy we walk together 5 mins and then I have to walk 25mins by myself (by parkland and suburbs) - so I do it only when the weather is nice and the girl is not by car.

There is also another guy. He sits 2 places away but talks to me a lot. He even invited me on facebook. Sometimes I walk home with him since we share 10 minutes of our way home if I choose shortest way(23mins) and he misses his bus (he has to walk about 40 mins then instead of 10mins by bus).
I do it when the weather is not nice or I need to go to a shop(there is city center on the way) and the girl is not by car.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Oct 2014, 7:54 am

What Kiriae's describing is definitely not "dating"--it's not even "hanging out."

It's not bad, though. It could be a good preclude to either "hanging out" or "dating."



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

22 Oct 2014, 8:26 am

I used "dating" in quotes to indicate it might be (but not necessarily was) . Shy people might do it like this, and when the time is right just bypass all the traditional dating things and get into a relationship. Has happened to me more than once. It could also be a friendship. In order to know which I'd need to study you two IRL. :-)



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Oct 2014, 8:34 am

You hit the nail on the head. Unless one observes someone "in real life," it's really hard to evaluate that someone's general situation.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,043
Location: Adelaide, Australia

23 Oct 2014, 7:38 am

886 wrote:
As an autistic I used to think flirting was just stupid pick-up lines and compliments. It's not (I mean, it is, but it's more than that), flirting is as simple as talking to someone new with the interest of getting to know them better to see if you like them.

That's not flirting either. Think of flirting as a way to preposition someone and find out their answer without either of you using words (or sometimes they could be metaphorical words).


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

23 Oct 2014, 9:35 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
886 wrote:
As an autistic I used to think flirting was just stupid pick-up lines and compliments. It's not (I mean, it is, but it's more than that), flirting is as simple as talking to someone new with the interest of getting to know them better to see if you like them.

That's not flirting either. Think of flirting as a way to preposition someone and find out their answer without either of you using words (or sometimes they could be metaphorical words).


For me, flirting is an eye contact issue. If I make quick glances with a girl, and she reciprocates with the same, and this game continues for a while, then I'm sure she is interested in me in some way (the longer it continues the more sure I get). Other ways of flirting doesn't work on me.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,037
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

23 Oct 2014, 9:41 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
What Kiriae's describing is definitely not "dating"--it's not even "hanging out."

It's not bad, though. It could be a good preclude to either "hanging out" or "dating."


What Kiriae is describing is....nothing, maybe just puppy love, but it's nothing more than that.



JP88
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 187

23 Oct 2014, 2:35 pm

I'd say that she fancies you quite a bit. I think asking her to grab lunch would be a pretty good idea. If your not comfortable with that start with using the class to your advantage. (i.e study for a test together, etc...)



FireyInspiration
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: Unknown

25 Oct 2014, 7:16 pm

Thanks guys. I'll start some of these next week