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Go_lightly
Blue Jay
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27 Feb 2007, 9:00 am

I read somewhere (don´t remember where) that most people with as doesn´t like to be touched. Really? I mean, ok, sure, not by just anyone, not by people in general (or family or friends...), but by the person you´re in love with??
Now I´m confused.



ZanneMarie
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27 Feb 2007, 10:29 am

You can't think of it from an emotional outlook which is what you are doing. It has nothing to do with that. Also, we all react differently to touch depending on how our brains perceive the sensation of touch. That's why the idea of being "in love" makes no difference. Just because I perceive myself to be "in love" isn't going to tell my brain to suddenly process touch differently especially if my wiring to process touch is all messed up. So, separate that out.

Here's what really goes on. I can be over sensitive to touch (hypersensitive) or under sensitive to touch (hyposensitive) or anywhere in between. It can also only affect certain types of touch. Firm hugs may not bother me but touching my arm might. We're all different. That's because the way the sent and received in our brains is messed up. So, to me a light touch is a light touch. To the next Aspie the message is amplified and it comes across like being hit with a baseball bat. (Now you begin to see where being in love or not makes no difference. A baseball bat is a baseball bat whether you are in love or not.) To yet another Aspie (who is hyposensitive), the sensation of a light touch is not felt at all and you would think they are ignoring you when the message didn't even get across their brain to the receptor to say, Yes, I was just touched. Again, being in love wouldn't change that because it's the brain interpreting a physical action.

The other thing with us is what we sometimes call startle effect. That's when we are off in our heads thinking about something very intently. If you did that and I walked up to you (assuming you are NT now and not Aspie), you would jump maybe, but you'd be like, "Oh hey," and probably smile. If you did that to an Aspie, they might not register it at all, might have the same reaction as you or they might even jump and freeze or cry even. Again, that has nothing to do with the person who did it. It's the message being sent in the brain that is getting messed up.

The best way to deal with an Aspie because of this messed up wiring issue and all of our different reactions, is to simply ask us how we react. We'll tell you. We know the wiring is messed up. If you are an Aspie yourself and wrote this, tell people to ask you how you react to different touches. Just explain that it's messed up wiring. It's a concept they can understand and takes hurt feelings out of it.


Finally, yes this does get better over time with comfort level. The "NT" person learns what they Aspie person can deal with in the way of touch and the Aspie can become desensitized sometimes over time. But, this varies by Aspie and you should always ask. What is true for one is not true for all. We all have different messaging. As long as you remember that, you'll be fine.



Fiz
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27 Feb 2007, 4:54 pm

I'm quite happy being touched by the person I'm in love with, but not just by anyone.


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GoatOnFire
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28 Feb 2007, 9:03 pm

It actually doesn't bother me, I actually like it, which is odd because I'm fairly AS. Maybe it's because I've played many contact sports and have been desensitized.



Go_lightly
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01 Mar 2007, 6:59 am

ZanneMarie wrote:
assuming you are NT now and not Aspie


Nope.



Topher
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01 Mar 2007, 7:18 am

It does not bother me so much with people i know, just with strangers who i have not had a chance to get to know.



AutisticOne
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01 Mar 2007, 7:31 am

I hate being touched. And can only wear certain clothes. But I like cuddling with cute broads.


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DogDancer
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01 Mar 2007, 8:56 pm

Hi, all.

When I was younger -- in high school even -- I had such a hair-trigger startle response that once the teacher who lead an extracurricular group I was in, who himself was a warm and touchy person (appropriate touch only -- nothing off base!), asked me privately, with much concern, if something had happened....

He was very kind and concerned that maybe I'd been sexually abused or something horrid!

I was a bit surprised and embarrassed that he'd think so, but appreciative of the fact that a) he'd notice my sensitivity and b) that he'd care enough about me to ask. I reassured him that, no, nothing bad had happened and that I was just really "ticklish."

I am less so now and love hugs and physical contact, but it's best if I see it coming or initiate it -- and if it's with people I know well. Otherwise, I still startle and freeze up a little. Which I don't like to do (don't want to make anyone else who means well feel bad) but just can't help.

DD



Cyanide
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02 Mar 2007, 2:51 am

I don't mind being touched by *most* females, but I'll cringe when a guy touches me most of the time.



ahayes
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02 Mar 2007, 3:21 am

Fiz wrote:
I'm quite happy being touched by the person I'm in love with, but not just by anyone.



Feibel
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03 Mar 2007, 10:27 pm

I am quite sensitive on my back and chest... and the head... and the legs; actually, now that I think about it, I believe my arms are the only place I can be touched unexpectedly without freezing (exclude the hands)... I don't have time to know and/or care if the person touching me is someone I know or not. The only thing I care is that I was not expecting the touch and I DO NOT like it.

Now, if I know that I will be touched, I can bear it or enjoy it. Otherwise, I would immediately tense and hold my breath while my mind is trying to make sense of the sensation.

Before being diagnosed (last year) I always thought it was because of the ADHD and I couldn't cope with someone "invading" my space; but now, I have realized, that it has more to do with the fact that I cannot control and process the amount of information that comes on, and I just shut down for a second or two... not a pleasant sensation.

I have to say that the soft-touch feels great, when I REQUEST IT; and I could "endure" the torture of soft caresses on my back or head from someone I care for.

So, now, I have made clear with the people I work with, not to touch me without talking to me before or giving me ample notice, and ONLY on my shoulders and arms. I even made that clear to those I love and care for... family, friends and he-who-used-to-be-my-partner.


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pokeapoke
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03 Mar 2007, 11:27 pm

I love physical contact with people. I love the idea of cuddling with a girl.

For some reason it doesn't bother me. Perhaps its the years of work at trying to be normal.



Space
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07 Mar 2007, 2:33 am

Don't touch me or I'll crack you in the jaw :x



tallfreak
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07 Mar 2007, 10:23 am

I only like touching or being touched by someone close. (Like my wife.) Other than that, I don't like being touched by other people.

-Scott



Santa_Claus
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07 Mar 2007, 4:56 pm

I cant stand being touched at all, ppl are always touching me so I try to avoid sitting around those who do.



Grim
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08 Mar 2007, 8:35 am

I like being touched if i feel in control.