Im badly confused, something happened, and then something el

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I posted a topic in love and dating about looking for a nice aspie girl, however something happened on sunday, totally unexpected and totally confusing. I will try to explain.

I have a friend about 16, she is NT, and i have known her about a year now, we have gotten along well, and the only problem we had was finding stuff to chat about. But thats getting better, i care for her a lot, she always maintained she just wanted to be friends, which i can easily respect and i made no attempt to pressure her to change that view, i did think one day we would be able to develop a closer relationship, i almost got my wish.

Yesterday she came over, since we had not done something together for a while, i put on an episode of Star trek: TNG for her to watch, then i put on the first series of the new Doctor Who, as we are both avid fans, i sat down next to her and we started watching.

Near the end we were pretty much close together and we started holding hands, one thing pretty much led to another, but to save on details, i will just say we got to 3rd base. It was a lovely time, and for the rest of the day i really thought, after over 2 years of searching, i had found someone who loved me. I was looking forward to seeing her the next day and i hoped things would only get better. i was not letting it get to my head, and i was going to see how tihngs developed in the next few weeks.

However it seems my luck with love, as it always seems to be, is very short lived and sad, i was about to post in my love and dating topic that it was now pretty much redundant, however then i got a text message form her, i hoped it would be something loving and happy, however i got this.

"Hi Chris, im sorry if i led you on yesterday, i really think we can only be friends, i don't think i love you like you do, and i am so sorry, im a really F**ked up person. love Emma xxx."

Once again my dreams of love have been shattered, it felt like a ton of bricks had just slammed into me at warp speed. and the break i had hoped for had not came. Im quite confused and saddended as to what i do, and i promised to see her in school today, but how can i face her now, and of course, her friends will probably know all about it and im going to get a lot of questions and harassment as before, im really nervous and scared, i've never been good at talking to girls, and i would never disrespect one of them. I care for this person, but now, what should i do next/ I want to maintain the friendship, but what happens now?

I hope someone will reply soon,

regards

Chris

PS: this does mean my other topic here is still up and valid, what happened yesterday came out of the blue.

That's so sad...

I know it's sad but what now?

The Trap:

The trap consists of a girl feigning interest in some vulnerable aforementioned nice guy p****.

Part 1 (the mindf**k): She will start flirting with the guy until he shows visible signs of becoming hopelessly in love with her. When the guy starts to flirt back, she will suddenly ignore him causing uncertainty which will make him think he's "going too fast" so he will back down. She will then repeat the same thing ad hominem.

Part 2 (the milking): During the now unbreakable cycle she will tell him all her angst and BS while saying lies to keep him interested:

* "Thanks for listening, you are such an angel."
* "Why can't more guys be like you?"
* "You're so cute!"
* "My boyfriend is so mean.... you would make the perfect man."
* "You are like a brother to me."

She will also hint for him to buy stuff for her which the idiot will. Basically she will milk him for as much attention, hugs, and gifts for as long as she can keep this mindf**k up. The guy's belief in these lies will lead to him always being stuck in the friend zone and will cause the incurable "permavirgin" status.
[edit]
When he asks her out

When a guy actually gains the courage to ask her out she will keep him in by just saying "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", or "I'm not entirely sure of my own feelings" (hinting that there might be hope later), and thus the cycle continues.

OR

She will admit that she wants to be just friends (which is just 1 level of hell less to endure). But it doesn't end there, no sir. When she misses all the gifts and is in need of another emotional blowjob, she will go right back to crying on his shoulder and saying how "My BF and I going through a rough time, and I think we're going to break up". She will then show interest in him again, but this time around when he asks her out again she just has to say "Him and I are broken up, but I still have feelings for him...... I'm so confused!" and continue to pine for her old boyfriend while restarting the cycle once again.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/in ... riend_Zone

Topher,

Wow, that's a hard one. Keep your chin up. You did nothing wrong. For some reason she changed her mind, and it could be for a lot of reasons. Maybe she got scared. Maybe she felt horny, and wanted to make out.

If anyone bothers you, I would ignore them. Don't get angry, though that might be hard, as you are hurting, and maybe you should just say "hi" to your friend, be nice, but keep some distance until you can get a handle on how you feel.

I do think she and you should talk to clarify. E-mailing you wasn't cool, because it gave her the coward's way out of confronting you to your face, but I can understand her point of view. You two are both learning.

I hope things go all right for you today, and I do know they will get better. I'm sorry this is so hard for you right now.

Metta and karuna, Rjaye

When in doubt, say thank you. What do you expect from reruns. Deny everything. Nothing happened. Talk about Dr. Who. Nothing changes when nothing changes, got that? You are being tested.

When the answer to, what have I done? What will happen now? Turns out to be nothing has changed, then it is a safe game to play. Forget about it. Blank it out. Never go any farther than speaking to her in private and saying Dr. Who reruns can be boring.

The Ladies Honor is now in your hands, as were some other things. Be a decent chap about it. Shut up!

Sixteen is rather young, just how often do you think she has done such things, do you think she watches Dr. Who with every guy in school? I think not.

I would think it was farther than ever before, she is shocked with herself, she did not get up and walk out, she stayed and played. She would not have done it, if she did not want to. She liked it, wants more, and is scaring herself. Third base is very close to a home run. Well yes, some day, but not yet, but I do like more than just watching others play the game.

What you have is a minor league player on a learners permit. They have dreams of rounding third and sliding into home plate, it is all very complex, and a safe place to practice, a good coach, is a make or break issue. They may still have doubts about signing with your club, but the tryout went well.

Prospects all have the same questions, will this ruin my other chances? This is someone's little girl, she was just ten. She has a varsity future. several more years in school, and a few kisses can turn into a reputation. Other girls that age are observant and cruel. None of this has anything to do with you.

What does have to do with you is being asked. Are you a friend that understands and can be trusted, or just another boy that wants to get in her pants? Any girl of sixteen has been hit on a million or two times. You played slow and safe, no pressure, and you are doing well. Your contract terms are being tested.

Welcome to social testing. Falling in love is great. But you have to manage the business part well. You seem to know well the loveless dork role, keep it up, no one must ever suspect.

Just look at her wierd now and you are toast. Rerun who you were a month ago.

Welcome to the game everyone plays. Be cool about it, it just went a little too far, you were safe on second, and pushed your luck. She is saying I am not that kind of girl. You owe her an apology. Take the rap and free her, it does take two to play, but if you say, sorry, teen you know, we can be friends within limits, all is better. Then go off and be your dorkey self, she will know where to find you.

If you have been used and dumped, how graceful can you be. Other clubs are looking for some short term action, without long term contracts. Parting is an art, be good at it. Girls do have to think in terms of damage control. No matter what, I would still like you if you were my sister.

Understand this, she is living in a waist up world, a new playground. sixteen is not ready for below the belt. That is a Major Major thing. Now if you can come up with a health certificate, pure as driven snow, and carry a pocket full of protection, and keep your mouth shut, and treat her like your sister, and live the rest of your life well and look like you might have a future, you might.

Do not take it personally, look at her point of view, which I am spelling out because you are on WP.

I understand these things because that is my little girl, and I do not mind going back to jail, do you understand me young man. Meditating on things below your navel gives a narrow view of life. Lift your eyes, see the world around her, protect her, apoligise and dump yourself, go away, she is worried, calm her fears. She will get over it, what happend, not being a girl.

If she did it, she cannot help but think about it, and if nothing bad happened, and limits were self imposed, a show of respect, and you would rather never speak to her again to maintain your friendship, well it was not that bad, and she might show up with a DVD.

She gave you something really nice to see if you would take good care of it. I think that is what this is all about. You did push your luck on a first contact situation. Never take everything you can get, save some for later, when you know you have a long standing invitation.

You are not out of the game.

Wow, I hear ya on that one. It is pretty hard to wade through the sea of game players and being the "nice guy" sucks. Yeah, don't put yourself out of the game but I know the feeling. A few bad episodes like that makes it hard to make something work out when the nice girls are genuine.

Thanks for all the advice, it was worth it. I have spoken to her today, and we have put the incident in question behind us. We seem content to be friends and we still want to spend time together, i don't know if she was testing me, but my guess was she let her hormones rule her for a few brief moments, and i followed on in good faith. Shes still only 16 so shes still growing up and learning, so im trying not to let it get me down, she is a lovely person and i would not want to lose a good friend. I hope things can get better.

Topher,you shouldn't bother with love for love is just a joke because humanity is so selfish,so that girl is just using you to get what she wants,just like lowfrq50 said.

shes only 16, and shes not like most girls, i doubt she is using me, and it's not like she demands gifts or asks me to lavish attention on her 24/7 she has not been using it to get attention as none of her friends have spoken to me about it, so obviously shes not said a thing. Im sure she respects my feelings, and it will take time for her to sort herself out. Love is not a joke >.> i won't hear it, i hope one day i will find miss right, and anyone who tries t tell me love is a joke just has given up too much.

I will ignore the cynics and won't let thier megative views play on my mind, i just hope i can move on and find miss right.

I think you should take her at her word, that she is an emotionally messed up person who made a mistake and/or got confused. If you care about her, continue to be her friend. If she really meant that she intends to be your friend, it will be clear enough with time. Just do your best to act as you did before this incident. If you really do care about her, you should be able to muster up the strength.

I will continue to be her friend and i care about her. I will continue to act as i always have

Topher I think you handled it well. It also seems she is being honest about losing control for a short time. It is good if you can both be friends. As long as you do not feel taken advantage of or anything else negative it should be fine, and not hurtful to you. Just dont do anything with her you don't really want to do or that may hurt you later, but in all honesty it does not sound as if that will happen. Instead it sounds as if you are both pretty honest and self aware.

It is also impressive that you have the insight to know this was mainly due to her age and hormones. So I think things will be fine.