any suggestions to get a girlfriend?

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Hi, basically my situation is the following: I have only had 1 girlfriend in my life, when she left me I felt that i would never be able to get another, and so far I haven't (I'm 24, she left me over a year ago). I'd be grateful if anyone has any tips or advice.
I have a lot of difficulty socialising (i don't have any friends, either). I am in counselling but it's not helping. I'm able to occasionally manage a bit of small talk with people i have met before, but i have a lot of difficutly meeting people and even more so going beyond getting along and making even superficial friends. ideally I'd like to find a soulmate but that is extremely unlikely to happen.


PS I'd also like to make friends, but that, to me right now seems a) less important and b) marginally easier (i've had more than one friend before)

Work on the friends first. The more friends you have, the larger your social network. (And I don't mean social network in the myspace "How many friends can you collect? GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!" sense). Friends will also help to get you introduced to more people. Also, having friends will put you in social situations you may not be entirely comfortable with. This is a good thing. The more comfortable you are around people you consider to be friends, the more comfortable you will be around strangers / people you are interested in. Of course you will be more comfortable with the friends than the other people, but overall it will help.

Don't view the two as easier / harder, or more / less important, view one as a means to get to the other. I don't mean that to say that the only reason to have friends is to use them as a means to an end, far from it, but having friends is definitely a step in the process.

Go to collage and/or get a job on a university campus.

Yes, good advice Mr. Mark. College is a great place, there's lots of people with a wide variety of interests, and an established method of breaking into a social network (schools offer clubs devoted to many interests, and if one doesn't exist, start your own). You may have to break out of your shell, or routine, maybe volunteer at an event, or be part of a cause (political, environmental, etc. these types of things have opportunities to interact with like-minded individuals) I'm sure you have a strong interest in something, just go with that.

Practice talking to people. I use the people at the coffee shop in the morning, I'l try out some small talk, and while it feels strange, and I'll never understand the appeal, it gives me opportunities to learn what is an acceptable method of communication.

Finally--get a decent haircut, wear clean, nice clothes, shave, and most important------smile!

IT works wonders. I'm a bit older than you, and this has been my experience.

I'm already at uni. joining clubs and so on has never worked for me in the past - i usually can get along fine with people, but can't go beyond that and make any friends (all the friends I had before I met at school/uni courses, never in other activities).
i'm basically looking for some advice on how to begin - again, activity clubs haven't worked for me, i can't socialise in parties & the usual places where NTs meet people. i get along fine with the people i see everyday at uni, but none of them are my friends. I see how NTs do it but I can't pull it off.

id love to help you out dude but i cant even help myself and ive been looking for a gf for a very long time women just are so complicated and a lot of them are teases thats my honest opinion

so if i were you id try to just let women go

a lot of people are teases, not just women... it's easy to accidently be a tease, however, so I wouldn't blame someone for it... although maybe that's the problem.

a lot of people are teases, not just women... it's easy to accidently be a tease, however, so I wouldn't blame someone for it... although maybe that's the problem.[/quote



but alex arnt you forgetting who we both are ?



Here we are
Born to be kings
We're the princess of the universe

Here we belong
Fighting to survive
In a world with the darkest power
(HAAA)
And here we are
We're the Princess of theUniverse
Here we belong
Fighting for survival
We've come to be the rulers of your world

I am immortal
I have inside me blood of kings
(Yeah)(yeah)
I have no rival
No man can be my equal
take me to the future of your world

Born to be Kings
Princess of the Universe
Fighting and free
Got your world in my hand
Im here for your love and ill make my stand
We were born to be Princess of the Universe

No man could understand
My power is in my own hand
Ohh,ohh,ohh,ohh people talk about you
People say you've had your day

I here it everyday
People say you've had your day
I'm a man that will go far
Fly the moon and reach for the stars
with my head and shord help high
Got to past the test first time
(YaAaAa)
I know that people talk about me
I hear it every day
But i can prove you wrong cause im right First time
(Yeah) (yeah)
Alright let's go let's go
(haha)
YAHHHHHHHH watch this man fly
(WHOO)
Bring on the girls
(Hahahaaa)

Here we are
(Here we are)
Born to be kings
we're the Princess of the Universe
Here we Belong

Born to be kings
Princess of the Universe
Fighting and free
Got your world in my hands
I'm here for your love and ill make my stand
we where born to be princess of the Universe (univer univer univer universe)

...and now I feel that I must find that episode of ATHF that references it as well.

This is what has worked for me: I can only approach a woman if there's some level of familiarity, so I would have to have seen her for a few times already. Maybe she's in a class, maybe she works at the coffee shop I frequent. Either way, I recognize her, and she recognizes me. From there it's something like "Hi", or something relevant to the current situation. Keep it simple--I once made the mistake of going from "Hi" straight to 17th century composers whose works translate well to the guitar...I won't be seeing her again.

It takes steps, and you have to be paitent. Don't ask her to marry you as soon as you're sure she likes you. Just be prepared to make a small improvement every time you see the girl of your dreams.

Day 1: Notice her
Day 3: Smile at her
Day 5: Say hello
Day 7: Awkward banter

This isn't an exact list, but you get the picture. I've been fortunate enough to meet some wonderful women this way. My problem is that as soon as I meet them, I wish I never had, because they are painfully irrational, and take up WAY too much of my time. So we break up, I get lonely, and the cycle begins anew...

It's called "Dumber Dolls". It's the one where David Cross plays Happy Time Harry, the rather downer of a doll...

This may or may not be useful in finding someone you can connect with. But some may find it worth a try...

1) Study a foreign language well enough to communicate well. This may take a couple of years of effort, perhaps less if you have a propensity for foreign languages.

2) Find a place where you are likely to meet people who speak that language much better than they speak English. This will vary depending on where you live. If you're in NYC, you may find it easy to approach tourists on, for example, the Staten Island Ferry.

3) The easiest way to start a conversation is when you recognize someone speaking the language you studied. You can be of assistance to them, or simply say "Are you from [name of country]? I have been studying [name of language]."

4) If this doesn't result in meaningful conversation, don't let it bother you, since they will simply think of you as a student of their native tongue, and at least respect you in that regard.

5) You don't necessarily have to approach someone you're attracted to. You can introduce yourself to people you have no romantic prospects with at all (an elderly couple, for example) and after you get to know them well, mention that you are single and would love to meet someone your own age that you could take to the movies or whatever. It is less awkward if they can introduce you.

6) I recommend the language barrier as a positive thing, since it keeps people from getting to know you so quickly and thoroughly, which as an Aspie I have found to be a problem. Communicating in an unfamiliar language is a lot like communicating in a forum such as this: people pay more attention to the words communicated than the personality behind the words....

don't mean to be ungateful, but i've already tried languages - 2 different ones.
while i would ideally want a soulmate, at this point i'd go for anything - beggars can't be choosers.