I feel like I'll never meet anyone

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andyfzr
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17 Nov 2014, 6:53 pm

I'm 47 and Ive only had 4 proper girlfriends but even them never felt like proper love. I think I only went out with them cos they basically came on to me. I don't have much confidence in general and especially with girls. i'm painfully shy when near any women and the more I find them attractive the worse it is. I just totally go blank and start being really clumsy and do daft things. I'm at the age now where it really worries me that I'm gonna be on my own plus the fact I'm struggling with depression now and have been for the last ten years or so. I don't even seem to have friends anymore. Most of the friends I have had have all had problems of their own and we have all drifted apart over the years. All I seem to do is mope around on the internet and watch documentaries and films. I used to be really active and always had interest like building computers and messing with cars and motorbikes among other things but over the last few years I just have no interest in anything. I just feel like I want to give up if I haven't already. Finding this site has helped me a lot in the fact that I can at least find people to relate to but I'm really at my wits end with these feelings of loneliness and worthlessness. I've only really connected the dots with the Aspergers thing since a counselor I saw last year suggested it to me and opened up a whole new can of worms for me. I don't know if knowing this would of helped me years ago but it has certainly answered a lot of questions for me. I used to think I was the way I was due to my mental abuse I had as a kid and I always thought one day I would grow out of it and get better but now think I have much more than that to work out. Sorry I'm rambling a bit but my heads all over the place and not in any good places. Rant over



Sammondoa
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19 Nov 2014, 8:18 pm

It sounds like you should join a group, so you'll have more opportunities to interact with people. When my mom was having a bit of trouble she went to group therapy and she got better while making friends. I am no expert in this area however, if you join a group of some sort (doesn't have to be therapy) it makes it easier to make connections. That way you already know you have things in common and there is time set aside to interact.

I've never dated but I always worried about if I was ever going to be with anybody. I felt it was the norm because on TV you always see people getting married and having families. I learned that if you don't follow the family path in life that isn't weird at all. Every human is a star of their own individual beauty. Don't let anything or anyone keep you from shining the light that resides inside your heart. Just be who you are, and shine, for you are the only you that will ever come. If you wish to share your heart with another, that is wonderful, and if you don't that is just fine! Just be who you are and find happiness! Whatever comes, comes!

Good luck to you, fellow star, in this perilous (but wonderful) journey called life!



Cafeaulait
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20 Nov 2014, 1:25 pm

I feel the same even though I am 22.



andyfzr
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20 Nov 2014, 5:15 pm

Thanks for the replies, it means a lot to me. Your right, I do need to join groups and interact but I'm just in a bad place at the moment and meeting people is something I really struggle with. I think its a combination of depression and my age as I feel like life's ticking away. I have at least found some solitude on this site, just knowing that there are many other people with similar problems so at least I don't feel like the only one as much. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable around people before I can relax and talk more freely. Its good to at least be able to have a little moan and not get judged. I tend to keep all my problems to myself around people in general cos I don't like to bring them down and also I don't think the people I know around me really understand me anyway, they just think I'm a bit strange. I think I've talked more in this forum than I have anywhere else for ages.Hopefully in time I will get to know people on here and start to come out of my shell a little.



anthropic_principle
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21 Nov 2014, 2:01 am

u and me both.
i've always seen that as out of reach, even being as attractive as i am i couldn't even respond to girls at skool.. that envronment was crippling to me. i'm not too sure if it's still like that for me i haven't been in that sort of situation in a while



CynicalWaffle
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21 Nov 2014, 8:06 am

Meeting people is overrated. You're not missing much of anything. Stick to hobbies.



ForeignObject
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21 Nov 2014, 9:09 am

I don't think I'm ever going to be with someone myself, either. The last one I tried to get, I poured my heart out too much and scared that person off. I couldn't help it. I hadn't been with someone in forever and it just came out.

I'm very lonely and it is not a good feeling.



DoubleCatrin
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24 Nov 2014, 2:11 pm

maybe it's 'need' that drives us to communicate with the others...
if you too feel a need to interact with others , there's a point when you have to stop struggling in trying to keep yourself n your shell... ,,,it's not like we are given an eternity to live...

i'm glad you found a nice place here on the forum, I was very pleased to feel there's others out there who face the same challenges too

good luck


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Cafeaulait
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24 Nov 2014, 3:46 pm

All I would like is to meet a guy with how I connect, get along with, feel safe with, can have a laugh with and that LIKES ME FOR WHO I AM. Not just for my body.
But I have self esteem issues. I feel I am not interesting or special enough for an equally attractive man to love me and fall in love with me. I think men find me too odd to date and that's why I do not have the guts to go on dates. I am afraid they will think there is something wrong with me.



andyfzr
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24 Nov 2014, 6:06 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
All I would like is to meet a guy with how I connect, get along with, feel safe with, can have a laugh with and that LIKES ME FOR WHO I AM. Not just for my body.
But I have self esteem issues. I feel I am not interesting or special enough for an equally attractive man to love me and fall in love with me. I think men find me too odd to date and that's why I do not have the guts to go on dates. I am afraid they will think there is something wrong with me.


Sounds like we have similar things in common already especially with the self esteem issues and not feeling good enough. As for people thinking I'm odd, well I've just accepted it over the years. Please feel free to PM me and maybe we can at talk a little. Anyone who is up for talking and discussing problems with me please get in touch as I'm not very good at initiating conversation and it would really help me to have some people to talk to and make some friends hopefully.



ForeignObject
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25 Nov 2014, 7:51 am

andyfzr wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
All I would like is to meet a guy with how I connect, get along with, feel safe with, can have a laugh with and that LIKES ME FOR WHO I AM. Not just for my body.
But I have self esteem issues. I feel I am not interesting or special enough for an equally attractive man to love me and fall in love with me. I think men find me too odd to date and that's why I do not have the guts to go on dates. I am afraid they will think there is something wrong with me.


Sounds like we have similar things in common already especially with the self esteem issues and not feeling good enough. As for people thinking I'm odd, well I've just accepted it over the years. Please feel free to PM me and maybe we can at talk a little. Anyone who is up for talking and discussing problems with me please get in touch as I'm not very good at initiating conversation and it would really help me to have some people to talk to and make some friends hopefully.

Me, you and that girl with the cat coffee meme are in the same boat.

I was gonna say something, but your post is worded EXACTLY how I would've worded it. It's like we're in the same mindset. Freaky! 8O


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Shelldor2015
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25 Nov 2014, 8:59 am

I also feel like I will never meet that "one". I have a difficult time with what most people my age talk about as small talk. I think they are rather silly. I thought I met the one a few weeks ago, but it's just going to be a good friendship. I am ok with that. I still have hope that it will all fall into place and I will meet that one person. To quote Miranda Priestly; "I have hope, God knows I live on it."


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